Trash the Toxic

Do you know of someone who drains your energy? Does this person cause you unnecessary drama? When you are finished hanging out with this person, do you feel drained and worn out? If you are, then you know how exhausting it can be to have this type of person in your life; this is the description I would use to describe a toxic person.

You may be wondering why toxic people enter into your life. Sometimes, you wonder how life would be better if the toxic person would just go away. Sometimes, the toxic person cannot go away. For example, you may work with  toxic coworker. This person brings everyone in the office down. It could be the family member that no one wants to be around, but no one will say anything for fear of causing World War III. In these types of situations, it is best to distance yourself as much as possible. Remind yourself of why you are wonderful and focus on what you can control.

What about your friends? You can control who you choose to be friends with each day. As you get older, you realize that you and your friends have different priorities and agendas. What happens if your friend  becomes a toxic person? Do you keep the friend in your life simply because of past history? Should you get rid of the friend? I cannot answer this question for you because it is you life.

To help you make the best decision for you, ask yourself these kinds of questions: Does your friend cause or attract more drama than you can handle? When you need help, will your friend be there for you? If your friend has a significant other, does your friend regard your feelings about appropriate levels of PDA? At the end of the day, does your friend rejuvenate you or do you feel frustrated? Above all, what does your gut instinct tell you?

If you decide that it is time to get rid of the toxic friend (or other toxic person), end the relationship sooner rather than later. The longer you wait, the harder it will be. Unfortunately, the person may be going through tough times. In this case, you should be the judge of the right cut off time. It will be difficult at first. You may go through the grieving process and wonder so many things about the former relationship. At the end of the day, do what's best for you and your health. If you get rid of the toxic people now, you will feel refreshed and happier in the end.

Walk a Mile in My Shoes

How many times have you heard someone say that s/he doesn't want to be judged and wants to be loved for who s/he is as a person? Have you ever been judged for anything? Chances are, you have been. People are judged constantly. Some choose to be judged in pageants, speech contests, and in athletic events. In these situations, people are typically judged based on talents, skills, and abilities. When people leave the socially acceptable judgment zone, it gets tricky.

Do you like to be judged? Have you been judged because of external situations that do not define who you are as a person? Does it annoy you when people become hypocritical? Are you guilty of being hypocritical?

There are those who take what they see at face value. These people will judge the value of a person based on hair color, clothing, favorite movie, living circumstances, and education. However, in order to become better, it's time to start being speculative. Ponder and question the world around you. Sometimes, what you see is not what you get. There may be times when a situation seems sticky and the person in the situation is caught in a catch 22. However, if you took the time to get to know the person for who s/he is, would your perception change?

I am not asking you to change your opinion, attitudes, and beliefs. All I am asking you to do is challenge what you know. When you challenge what you know, you just may surprise yourself in the best way. If you need a source of motivation, remember the timeless saying, "Walk a mile in my shoes."

V is the Key

How's your day going? Is your day good, bad, so-so, wonderful, terrible, or fantastic? These are common words people use to describe your day. What if you could have a better day? Even better, what if you could have a better life? It is possible to have a better life. How is this possible? It starts with you. 

In order to have a better life, start focusing on the V word. The V word is victorious. Even if the world seems like it is against you, you can still be on top of the world. You may be thinking how this is possible to obtain. In order to be victorious, you must be vulnerable. 

Vulnerability is a scary concept. To be vulnerable means to trust others and let people into your life. It means discussing things that are past the surface level. It requires you to confront issues that scare you, issues that and people who have hurt you in the past, and let yourself go. You may think you're showing signs of weakness and that people will use your weaknesses against you. If this is the case, then don't be vulnerable in front of these people. All it takes is one person. One person can be the shoulder you cry on when you feel the weakest. Heck, the person may help you wipe away the tears. You will know you're safe being vulnerable when you let everything inside of you out and feel like you've conquered the world.

After you let yourself be vulnerable and allow yourself to love and be loved, that's when true victory begins. To be victorious means that you have allowed yourself to open your soul and realize that everything will be okay. Once you have obtained the key, your life will be victorious every day. 

Never Have a Bad Day

Have you ever had a bad day? It's the kind of day when you spill coffee on your light khaki pants right before a job interview, you get a flat tire on the way home from work, or your screaming child caused you to get kicked out of the restaurant. Whatever it may be, the bad days seem to take their toll after a while. Ideally, everyone would like to have a good day, every day.

What if you could have a good day, every day? You're probably laughing at me in disbelief. How can this be possible? Life has a way of throwing curve balls and lemons at the worst times. I understand that unfortunate events will happen. These events happen to everyone.

Up to this point, it seems as if there's a constant push and pull between good days and bad ones, almost as if it were a black and white concept. Therein lies the problem. Good days and bad days aren't polar opposites. Looking at the days as if they're polar opposites is making the assumption that nothing in life is good when you have a bad day. Sure, bad things will happen, but they are obstacles that happen within a good day.

Instead of viewing life in terms of the good versus bad, only think of your day as a good day. As Ed Tate, 2000 World Champion of Public Speaking, would say, "reset the scale; reset your life." Instead of looking at your life as good (positives) versus bad (negatives), create a positive scale that starts at 1. There is nothing less than zero. Zero implies that you're not physically living. Measure your good days on a scale of 1-10. The bad things can impact your good scale, but there will always be something in your life that makes your day a good day. Heck, if you want to call it a fantastic, marvelous, or outstanding day, then do it. It's your scale.

When you reframe how you view your day, it shifts life perspective, which will allow you to have a good day, every day.

Bury Yourself

Have you looked back at your past and wonder what went wrong? Do you resent certain people because of things they've done or have said to you? Does the hurt of yesterday still affect you today? If so, you are not alone. To a degree, everyone has something from his or her past that still strikes a bad chord. The bad chord can take form in the form of divorce, losing a job, having a major blowout with a friend, etc. Due to the dramatic nature and knowing that the past is part of your personal identity, it can be hard to let go of the past and move on with your life.

When the bad chord strikes, people will probably makes these types of comments: "The past is done. Move on already." "That event happened how many years ago?! You should be over it by now." "Aren't you a little too old to be mad about ______?" When these types of comments are made, do they make you feel angry? If so, then there's a valid reason for it. It's saying that your feelings are invalid and that part of your identity should be deleted. It makes you feel less than human.

You may or may not know this, but I give speeches as a hobby. I want to learn all I can about becoming an amazing public speaker. In learning this art, I like to learn from the best speakers. Recently, I watched the 2012 World Champion of Public Speaking contest video. A finalist, Diane Parker, gave a speech that struck a good chord with me. I was inspired by her stories and her ability to tell a story.

In Diane's speech, she conducted a funeral service of her past. Yes, I am serious. She went through the entire funeral service in 5-7 minutes. In her past, she's been hurt, traumatized, and shocked; yet, there she stood. Even though she has been through terrible experiences, she didn't make excuses for them. She decided to bury them. Her experiences make her who she is today, but she does not disregard them. Instead, she put them to rest and started a new life. Essentially, she was reborn.

We've all been through experiences that have not been pleasant. Some of the experiences have been life changing or life altering. Instead of letting these experiences continue to emerge like the ghost of Christmas past, lay them to rest, and let yourself be free.

Where's the....Respect?!

When you think of the word respect, what comes to your mind? When I think of it, the words esteem and regard come to my mind. Typically, when someone respects another person, it means that the person has high levels of awareness of other people, is considerate of different situations, and has proven his or her worth to be respected. Put simply, respect is earned and not assumed. Does this description sound ideal to you? I hope it does to some degree.

Unfortunately, what I've stated above is not always the case for some people. For example, when someone obtains a position of authority, the word respect can turn into a slippery slope. In a position of authority, a person has the power to control certain situations and the outcome of situations for those who work beneath.  Instead of earning respect based on one's ability to lead people and show them the way to victory, the person uses the power to his or her advantage and makes life difficult for the followers. Then, this is the same person who "demands respect" because of a position title.

In the workplace, it is easier to see when someone does or does not earn respect. What about our every day lives outside of work? If you have little money and are unable to participate in certain activities, does a friend continue to egg on a situation or will the friend drop it? Do you have a friend who expects you to always come to him or her, but that person will never come to you and make an excuse for it? If you chose to major in a discipline because you love it, does the family member respect the decision you've made or does s/he make you feel guilty because it doesn't have the potential to bring in a lot of money?

Regardless of context or situation, think about the situations in your life. Do you think you receive respect? If so, do you receive it because you truly deserve it? If you truly don't deserve it, contemplate on what that may be the case. Is there something you need to do to change your situation? If you earn respect because you truly deserve it, then I applaud you. As humans, we are all imperfect. However, now is the time to become better than ever.

How to Find Hope

In life, we come across situations that make our lives seem impossible. These situations attempt to prevent us from having hope in our lives. Why does this happen? Is there anything you can do to change this? To answer these questions, I'd like to share information from a book titled What Color is Your Parachute? by Bolles. I mentioned this book in a previous blog. I think this book has powerful information that can help anyone through any situation.

Why do impossible situations happen? Bolles argues that this happens because we don't have a plan. Without a plan of action to overcome situations, then we focus on the past instead of the future. However, you have the power to change the impossible to possible.

In order to find hope, four things must happen. These things are as follows:

1) "Have more than one plan. You should decide upon two careers, train for two different jobs, secure two job offers, etc. You can certainly increase the number." The point he's making is to not put your eggs into one basket. It can prove to be worthwhile.

2) "Find something that is within your control and work on it. Life presents challenges and obstacles that are beyond our control. We may feel helpless and think life is out to get us. There is always something we can control, even if it's one percent."

3) "Things that happen to us have meaning. Life isn't senseless and meaningless. Even if you don't know the meaning to different situations, knowing there is meaning somewhere along the way makes us stronger."

4) "Look at an issue from a different angle. Have a critical mind and learn to ask the right questions."

I cannot guarantee that these tips will make life seem like a breeze. However, if you make a good effort to use them in your life, I think you will find life to be easier to manage.