What's Stopping You?

What do you fear? When you think about your fear, how does your body physically react to it? Now, what words come to mind? Do the physical symptoms or the mental words impact your fear more? After you answer this, start to question why one takes precedence over the other.

Fear is something that can get in the way of success. If the fear is strong enough, it can take over every part of one's life. Growing up, I had a fear of public speaking. Over time, I kept giving speeches and now enjoy speaking in front of any size audience. Then, I developed a fear of failure. Each time I didn't achieve what I wanted, I became disappointed. It got to the point where I didn't try as hard and blamed external things for my failure. One day, I had enough of this and put an end to it. Later on, I developed a fear of success. Each time I came close to doing well, something always stopped me from achieving my dreams. I had to put an end to this by eliminating certain people from my life and surround myself with people who supported my dreams and are positive influences.

When you look at the fears I have encountered, who or what do you think stopped me from being the best I could be? If it is not obvious, the answer is me. I stopped myself from being successful. For a long time, I thought my fear of public speaking developed because of the number of people present in the audience. WRONG! It developed because I was an outcast and I didn't want to be made fun of for being different. the fear of failure developed because I didn't give everything my all. Yes, there will be times when I don't get my way. Guess what? That's okay. Life works itself out. I developed a fear of success because I was afraid of being different. Most people around me weren't happy people and weren't afraid of bringing everyone down to their level. Instead of surrounding myself with these people, I chose to be around different people who also want success and be surrounded by successful people.

Making changes isn't always easy. Sometimes, these changes can be the scariest to make. Who knows what the outcome can be?! I cannot predict the future, but I can tell you that the end result is worth it. shifting gears and taking control of your life will be one of the best things you can do for yourself and your future. It's time to stop letting other things and people dictate the direction of your life. At the end of the day, you control your outcome. When in doubt, repeat this phrase: "I will not stop me."

What is Success?

Have you ever been asked a question pertaining to your definition of success? If so, do you give an answer people expect to hear? Do you feel good after you give your answer or do you think you compromise who you are to please others? I want you to be completely honest with yourself.

The first time I came across the success question was during high school. From there on out, it emerged consistently. Each time I heard someone else answer this type of question, all I could think is "Why?!?" Why would someone give a cookie cutter answer? Is it to please everyone else? Was there nothing better to say? Did the people look up their answers online? Why can't anyone be original?!?

To put things into perspective, these are the types of answers that were most common:
-"My definition of success is getting back on the horse one more time than I fall."
-"When I think about success, I think about the mistakes I made in the past and have learned from them. Then, I used the lessons I learned along the way to become a better person, which has shaped my perspective on what success looks like."
-"Success means living life to its fullest. If I live a good life and surround myself with positive, uplifting people, then I have achieved success."

The examples I gave above could be true for some. If it is your true definition of success, then who am I to say what's right or wrong? All I am saying is that if you want to be successful in life, you have to be honest with yourself and define your own meaning.

Here's what I want you to do: develop your own meaning of success. When you develop your own meaning, think about the following questions:
-What do you want to accomplish professionally and personally?
-What is your driving force each day?
-What or who makes you proud?
-What inspires you to keep pushing each day?

If you can be honest with yourself, then your definition of success will come naturally. It is not something that needs to be looked up online, read from a book, or uttered from someone else's mouth. It is your authentic definition that cannot be replicated. At the end of the day, ask yourself this question: Would you rather be a carbon copy or the original? After you answer it, determine how your answer can shape what success is to you.

Erase Negativity

Have you ever wondered why certain people complain constantly? Do you think the world would be a better place if those people could find a way to be happy? Is it possible that there are people who will never be happy, no matter how much you work with them? If so, then I can relate. I've asked myself these questions for quite sometime.

If you've asked yourself the questions listed above, then there's a good chance you may know of someone who fits the mold. By mold, I am referring to the person who claims they can't stand drama, but constantly seek/create it, the person who wants to be happy, but is always negative, and the person who wants to change, but is more comfortable living in misery. It can be exhausting to be around these people.

Sometimes, you have the choice to include or exclude these people from your life; other times, it is not possible. Regardless, if you communicate with a negative person, here is what I want you to do: be positive. Think about it for a second. Negative people aren't always happy. Negative people want company. It fuels their fire. If you are negative, then in perpetuates the negativity. However, if you are positive, 1 of 2 things will happen. If you talk positive to a person that is receptive, then they will accept it. On the flip side, if the person only wants you to fuel his or her fire, then s/he may end up leaving you alone. Either way, it's a win-win.

You have the power to erase negativity from your life. It's impossible to control every aspect of your life, but focus on what you can control. If you focus on what you can't control, then the negativity will remain. There's no better time to take control of your life than right now.

What Had Happened Was...

I want you to do something for me. Envision what your last trip out in public looked like. During your trip, think about what was going on around you. Well, what happened? Were kids screaming? Did a rude person take your parking spot? If those questions don't sound like your kind of day, then did someone help you when you least expected it? Did you receive a compliment? Was it a perfect day?

When I think about my last trip in public, I think of it as an adventure. The adventure is observing what happens. I like to observe how couples interact, how parents and children respond to each other, and the looks on faces when something goes wrong. Those observations are priceless and they create stories to share for the rest of my life.

Over the years, those who know me best know I have a good memory. I can recall details many forget. They ask me how I am able to remember so many things. It can come natural to me, but I don't rely on genetics. I tell people it's about the choices I make. I choose to not use illegal substances and drink alcohol. I choose to play brain games and strengthen my mind. I choose to put down the technology and experience life. What happens when you look at technology? You don't look at life happening around you.

Do you want to look back on your life and only recall the times you spent on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest? Could you imagine if technology caused you to miss out on the most important moments in your life? Do you want to become a slave to your mobile devices, video game systems, and TVs? I know I don't. I am going to go back to living my life. Before you do the same, watch this video: http://blog.petflow.com/a-video-everyone-needs-to-see/

Lesson from a Friend

If a new version of a product comes out, do you purchase it? Do you insist on having the best money can buy? Does the motto "More is Better" sound good to you? If so, you're not alone. We live in a society where
temptations are within reach: technology is ancient once it's purchased and many people try to keep up with the Jones'.

When I was growing up, I wanted to fit in. I insisted on wearing the best clothes, using the best products, and only hanging out at trendy places. How could I possibly go on living life if I wasn't doing and purchasing what everyone else had? As I've grown, I have learned that I do not need to do what everyone else is doing. I've thought about the events that have happened in my life that have shaped me into the person I am today.

One event that helped me to put life into perspective is a dear friend of mine. She recently told me about her trip to Africa. During our chat session, she mentioned that the people share one bucket of water for the day. The bucket is used to wash hands, drink out of, etc. When she shared this with me, 3 thoughts crossed my mind: 1) That's gross; 2) I can't believe people still live that way; and 3) Do I take my own life for granted?

Once our chat session was finished, I drove home, walked into the house, and looked at the faucet in the kitchen. I thought about the water I use to wash the dishes, take a shower, wash my hands, do the laundry, cook dinner, and drink. As I look at my water usage, I honestly couldn't tell you how much water I use per day. I am sure the people in Africa wish they could have the resources I take for granted.

As I think about this, it makes me appreciative of what I have. It is not necessary to own the latest technology each time a new version of something comes out on the market or buy what others may own. Is my view the popular choice? Absolutely, positively, no! However, I know when I look back on my life, I know it will be a fulfilling one.

Time is of the Essence

"Excuse me. Do you know what time it is?" How many times have you asked that question today? If you didn't ask it, then did you ask this question: "I get to go home in 2 hours. I can't wait for the work day to be over." No? How about this question: "I don't have enough time in the day to do everything! There's too much to do without time at my disposal." Am I asking the right questions?

I will be the first to admit that I ask the first question multiple times per day, I used to ask the second question, and occasionally mutter then third question. It seems normal to focus on time. The USA is a time driven culture. I must wake up on time, leave on time, arrive 10-15 minutes early to be on time, arriving at the start of a meeting means I am late, and arriving late simply isn't an option. Children are on time schedules, students attend and leave school at certain times each day, and people are given schedules at work that display what time they start their shifts and the time the shifts end. As you can see, it's not difficult to see why the questions I stated above are asked.

On Tuesday, I was talking with a person I've met a few times. He and I were discussing how valuable life is and to never lose sight of the things that matter most. I asked him what matters most. He gave me his answers, and most answers sounded standard. However, an answer he gave was one I did not expect to hear. The last word he said was time. Time? That's not a common answer people give. Here was his explanation: "If you wish time away, then you lose out on everything you could experience. Wishing time away means wishing away years of youth, freedom, and spending less time with loved ones. It means you have one less day to learn, one less day to seize the moment, and one less day to to help other people. Time is something I never wish away. Each day is a blessing and I am honored to be here today."

His words were pure and angelic. I spent less than 3 hours with this person and I got more than I bargained for that day. He taught me a valuable lesson. Life is too precious to take for granted. There are some days that are better than others, but each day deserves to exist. Each day makes me who I am and it teaches me something new. What better way to learn than experience life?! Before I leave, I want to leave you with a final thought: Regardless of how your day goes, find the blessings that happen each day. Each day presents new experiences. Without them, you cannot grow and go on to share your stories of trials and triumphs. When you experience life without watching the clock go by, you will gain a deeper understanding of what matters most and you will live in the moment, every day. 

Do You Have "I-Me Syndrome"?

When you listen to someone speak, does the person make the conversation about you? If so, for how long? If not, then ask yourself how it makes you feel. Honestly, have you ever had a conversation with someone who wanted to focus on him/herself the entire time? Anything you say will somehow revolve around the other person. If you have experienced this, then you are not alone.

Overtime, I have listened to many people who are infatuated with themselves, like to hear the sound of their own voices, or have a strong desire to create drama. Regardless of the reason, it still happens. I call this "I-Me Syndrome." I-Me Syndrome is defined as follows: an individual who communicates with another person and there is no intention of ever talking about the other person. This person is so concerned with him/herself that the other person doesn't exist.

If you are like me, and think these people are toxic, selfish, and mentally draining, then take a few moments to let the words I am about to say sink in. If you are not forced to be around these people, then don't out yourself in this situation. Those with I-Me Syndrome aren't changing anytime soon. You have the power to go away and never talk to these people again, as long as you're not forced (i.e., work and family).

If you are in a sticky bind and must communicate with this type of person, follow my advice:
1) Take the person's words with a grain of salt. There's a high probability that the person is insecure;
2) The person may not have anyone else to speak to;
3) The person may be going through a tough time right now;
4) If the person annoys you to the nth degree, you can walk away; and
5) If you are not forced to be around the person, then don't put yourself into the situation.