When you write a new post, what do you write? Before and after you've finished, do you wonder how many people actually read what's written? I have found that people typically fall into a few categories:
-Herpes-Glitter poster: Remember, glitter is herpes of the arts and crafts world; it never goes away. This type of poster never leaves your feed.
-Blue moon poster: A person who rarely posts anything original. Until the person actually says something, you forget about him/her.
-Diarrhea poster: A person who only posts things with the goal of putting a damper on someone's day.
-Verbal vomit poster: This person posts TMI every time!
-Socialite poster: Think of this person as the networking guru. S/he always knows what's going on. Think of the person who's involved with summer camp or greek life.
-Harvard poster: Anytime this person posts, s/he intends to brag about how great his or her life is. This person brags about having a maid, insists on showing off material possessions, or must share details about the upcoming European vacation.
-Car wreck poster: Any time this person posts something, you can't help but look. Even though you say you will never read another post from the person, somehow you give in (i.e., the annoying classmate or drama king/queen co-worker).
-President poster: If a political issue emerges, this person will ALWAYS have an opinion. You may love it or hate it, but the person will insist on posting a status, blog, or other form of literature for all to read.
-Broken record poster: You will see the same types of posts from this person (i.e., the gym maniac, parenting-related posts, work related posts, etc.).
-Miscellaneous poster: This person doesn't have a rhyme or reason for posting anything. The most random posts or eclectic group of posts will appear.
Regardless of the type of poster you are, people do read what you write. For a while, I questioned if more than 1 person actually read my blog. Today, I found out that people read it, even when I have no idea. Earlier in the day, my phone decided it would send a random text message to every person in my contacts list. One person asked if it was intended or not. After the communication I had regarding the quirk, she informed me that she loves my blog. Let's just say I was beyond excited! The lesson I learned is that whether the message I send is positive or negative, the words will still be seen. If I could share a piece of advice to anyone in the world, it would be to choose your words wisely. They will leave a lasting effect. Make sure the lasting effect is a positive one.
Thursday, August 7, 2014
Thursday, July 31, 2014
(In)Dependent
"If you want to survive in this world, you can't depend on others. You have to rely on yourself." "I don't understand why I received a poor grade on the group project. I put in more than my fair share." "I am only one person. What I do or say won't impact the lives of others." Do these statements sound familiar (whether you've uttered them or know of someone who does)?
I will admit that I have said the first two statements above. Many times, if I depend on someone to make something happen, they will almost always disappoint me. Whether it's a little or life changing favor, it seems that delivering the favor is not a priority. How can I possibly be dependent on other people when they don't want to meet high expectations?!?
The other night, I thought about my need for independence. Out of no where, it hit me. There is no way I can be independent without being dependent! Think about it: I can't eat produce unless farmers harvest the crops, go shopping for clothes unless someone makes them, or drive a reliable car unless a reliable mechanic fixes it. Why didn't it hit me sooner?
This revelation changed my perspective on what it means to be independent. I can be independent in conducting research, but I cannot conduct research without being taught how to do so. I am able to drive a car alone, but I am dependent on oil and gas companies to provide the fuel for my car. Do you see where I am going with this?
It is impossible to be an independent person without being dependent to some degree. I have had to learn that it is okay to trust and not be completely independent. I can still be assertive, but I now understand my boundaries. If you struggle with your need to be completely independent, then ask yourself if you could survive a week without anyone else.
Thursday, July 24, 2014
Ready...Set...Go!
If you were filmed and your life was shown on national television, what would people think? Would they see all the times you've made mistakes and exaggerate them? Then, how would the viewers respond to the footage? After, how would this impact your life? Do you think people would have the wrong impression of who you are? Do you have more to offer to the world? If your mistakes were showcased, then the viewers wouldn't know any better. Aren't you glad you're not famous?!?
Think about the mistakes famous people make. Each time I watch a show, view an article online, or read a tabloid at the grocery store, I constantly see how famous people make mistakes. I understand that some mistakes are bound to happen; we're human for crying out loud. However, many mistakes that are displayed could easily be prevented. For example, do you remember when Britney Spears drove with her child on her lap? Yeah, that could have easily been prevented. Had it been prevented, it would have never become a story.
When you think about the mistakes famous people make, think about how the audience views them. Now, imagine you were famous. What would the footage look like? Do you think the footage would show the mistakes you've made or the wonderful things you've accomplished? If the footage shows the mistakes, ask yourself why that is the case. What choices are you making that impact your answer? After you answer this, ask yourself how your accomplishments can be showcased.
I am not saying that you should pretend to be someone you're not. What I am saying is that I want you to be conscious of the choices you make. Each choice you make can negatively or positively impact what others think about you. If you make good choices in your life, then you are more likely to gain respect and loyalty. As you go about your day, ask yourself this question: If others were to come to your funeral today, what would they say about you?
Think about the mistakes famous people make. Each time I watch a show, view an article online, or read a tabloid at the grocery store, I constantly see how famous people make mistakes. I understand that some mistakes are bound to happen; we're human for crying out loud. However, many mistakes that are displayed could easily be prevented. For example, do you remember when Britney Spears drove with her child on her lap? Yeah, that could have easily been prevented. Had it been prevented, it would have never become a story.
When you think about the mistakes famous people make, think about how the audience views them. Now, imagine you were famous. What would the footage look like? Do you think the footage would show the mistakes you've made or the wonderful things you've accomplished? If the footage shows the mistakes, ask yourself why that is the case. What choices are you making that impact your answer? After you answer this, ask yourself how your accomplishments can be showcased.
I am not saying that you should pretend to be someone you're not. What I am saying is that I want you to be conscious of the choices you make. Each choice you make can negatively or positively impact what others think about you. If you make good choices in your life, then you are more likely to gain respect and loyalty. As you go about your day, ask yourself this question: If others were to come to your funeral today, what would they say about you?
Thursday, July 17, 2014
Learn from Frustration
Have you ever gone into a store and expect to be waited on hand-in-foot? Do you expect to be well-informed on products that are available? Would it make you feel good if someone took the time to get to know what you like and suggest items that suit your needs and wants? Normally, I don't expect to be helped. Most days, I prefer to be left alone and browse for items at my own pace. However, if I make a pricier purchase, I want the red carpet laid out for me.
Recently, I relocated and needed a few items to put into my place. As an advocate of supporting local businesses, I went into a local furniture and appliance store. The person working there was attentive, listened to what I wanted, and educated me. We developed a positive relationship and I decided to buy from her. I was convinced that I would make future purchases from the store and give her credit for each sale.
A few days later, I discovered the "relationship" that had been built was flawed. I spoke to her a couple times after I purchased the items. She was short with me and treated me like a second-class citizen, which is frustrating. It's one thing to receive terrible customer service, but it's worse to receive good service and then be treated terribly. I expect the person to be fake to a degree (commission-based job), but I didn't expect to see a 180 degree change after the sale.
It's easy to be bitter in this situation, but I am going to remain positive. For starters, my products weren't damaged (thank goodness). More importantly, when I go to bed each night, I know that I am not the type of person I know I couldn't, and wouldn't, treat someone the way the sales person treated me; that is a blessing. If you go through a similar situation, know that you are a good person at the end of the day and the person who wronged you has to live with him/herself.
Recently, I relocated and needed a few items to put into my place. As an advocate of supporting local businesses, I went into a local furniture and appliance store. The person working there was attentive, listened to what I wanted, and educated me. We developed a positive relationship and I decided to buy from her. I was convinced that I would make future purchases from the store and give her credit for each sale.
A few days later, I discovered the "relationship" that had been built was flawed. I spoke to her a couple times after I purchased the items. She was short with me and treated me like a second-class citizen, which is frustrating. It's one thing to receive terrible customer service, but it's worse to receive good service and then be treated terribly. I expect the person to be fake to a degree (commission-based job), but I didn't expect to see a 180 degree change after the sale.
It's easy to be bitter in this situation, but I am going to remain positive. For starters, my products weren't damaged (thank goodness). More importantly, when I go to bed each night, I know that I am not the type of person I know I couldn't, and wouldn't, treat someone the way the sales person treated me; that is a blessing. If you go through a similar situation, know that you are a good person at the end of the day and the person who wronged you has to live with him/herself.
Thursday, July 10, 2014
Are You Proud?
Do you want your accomplishments to be recognized and praised? Does it bug you when you put your heart into a project and no one seems to care? Guess what? You're not the only one who thinks this way. I answered "yes" to both questions. When I become involved with a project, I put my whole heart into it. Knowing I did my best makes me feel good, but having other people see what I see makes my accomplishment 100 times better. However, throughout life, I have come to realize that others will not always see my accomplishments the way I see them.
The past few years have been some of my most successful years thus far. I was blessed with the opportunities to graduate from college twice, received a Top Debut Paper award at a national conference, had the pleasure of teaching students (and received outstanding evaluations), and was accepted into my doctoral program of choice. Do you think the majority of people in my life were happy for me? Theoretically, the answer would be yes. Realistically, the answer is no. Instead of being proud of my accomplishments, most people have tried to drag me down and attempted to convince me that everything I've done is worthless.
I used to put great stock into what others thought of my accomplishments. When they didn't see them the way I did, it killed me internally (figuratively speaking, of course). It took a huge toll on my self-esteem, which made the recovery time longer than it should have been. Now, I have learned to see this differently. When this situation happens, I remind myself of a few things: 1) Most people will never fully understand what I accomplished because they're not typical accomplishments; 2) some will discredit my accomplishments because they don't place importance on them like I do; 3) others may be intimidated and try to bring me down to their level; or 4) people may simply not care at all. After I remind myself of the things I mentioned above, I remind myself that it is okay to be proud of what I've accomplished. Not everyone may understand, but I do. If someone doesn't understand, then that's not my issue. All I am concerned with is what I do and what it means to me.
At the end of the day, I want you to look back at your accomplishments thus far. Are you proud of what you've accomplished and how far you've come? I hope so. What you've done is unique because it cannot be duplicated. Your accomplishments are authentic and should mean something to you. Even if no one else gets it, that's okay. As long as you go to bed proud each night, then you have much to be thankful for in life.
The past few years have been some of my most successful years thus far. I was blessed with the opportunities to graduate from college twice, received a Top Debut Paper award at a national conference, had the pleasure of teaching students (and received outstanding evaluations), and was accepted into my doctoral program of choice. Do you think the majority of people in my life were happy for me? Theoretically, the answer would be yes. Realistically, the answer is no. Instead of being proud of my accomplishments, most people have tried to drag me down and attempted to convince me that everything I've done is worthless.
I used to put great stock into what others thought of my accomplishments. When they didn't see them the way I did, it killed me internally (figuratively speaking, of course). It took a huge toll on my self-esteem, which made the recovery time longer than it should have been. Now, I have learned to see this differently. When this situation happens, I remind myself of a few things: 1) Most people will never fully understand what I accomplished because they're not typical accomplishments; 2) some will discredit my accomplishments because they don't place importance on them like I do; 3) others may be intimidated and try to bring me down to their level; or 4) people may simply not care at all. After I remind myself of the things I mentioned above, I remind myself that it is okay to be proud of what I've accomplished. Not everyone may understand, but I do. If someone doesn't understand, then that's not my issue. All I am concerned with is what I do and what it means to me.
At the end of the day, I want you to look back at your accomplishments thus far. Are you proud of what you've accomplished and how far you've come? I hope so. What you've done is unique because it cannot be duplicated. Your accomplishments are authentic and should mean something to you. Even if no one else gets it, that's okay. As long as you go to bed proud each night, then you have much to be thankful for in life.
Thursday, June 26, 2014
Build from the Ground Up
Have you ever looked at someone and wished you could be as confident, self-assured, and as likable as them? If not, then do you admire how patient, calm, and empathetic someone can be? What I asked may not resonate with you, but you may know someone who is this way.
Each person I've ever met has admired someone because of characteristics s/he finds appealing or attractive. Typically, the people I've met have desired certain characteristics in a person because s/he views them as a measure of success. "If I am fearless in any situation, I will be unstoppable." "If I more fun, I would be liked more." Do these statements sound familiar? If so, I can relate. I have thought about these types of statements for years. In fact, I thought about them so much that they consumed my life.
For a long time, I was envious of those who "had it all". I could spend all day looking at their lavish lifestyles, how they were perfectly manicured, and how they received high praise from others. Over time, I have learned to not focus on the artificial aspects of their lives. Instead, I learned to focus on who successful people are and what makes them successful. I have learned that successful people are successful because of key characteristics. I admire Donald Trump's ability to be decisive, Oprah's ability to show compassion, and Jeff Dunham's ability to make people laugh, while using his gift of ventriloquism. As I study the characteristics I like in each person, then I look at myself and brainstorm how I can use their characteristics to leverage success in my own life.
Since I have done this, I have made great strides. I think the greatest stride I've made thus far is to stop making excuses. Growing up, I blamed many external circumstances for my lack of success. I blamed politics, childhood, socioeconomic status, and much more for my lack of success. Guess what? It always ended badly. One day, I had to stop making excuses for my actions, own up to them, and make success happen instead of letting someone take my opportunities and options away from me. How has this happened? It is because I observed this in every successful person I've ever seen or met, regardless of status in society.
What I am telling you is that you are responsible for your successes in life. Bad things can happen to anyone; what matters is how you act in each situation. If you emulate those who are successful, you will be better for the experience. You may become impatient initially, but some of the greatest things in life have to be built from the ground up. It's time to build your foundation for success.
Each person I've ever met has admired someone because of characteristics s/he finds appealing or attractive. Typically, the people I've met have desired certain characteristics in a person because s/he views them as a measure of success. "If I am fearless in any situation, I will be unstoppable." "If I more fun, I would be liked more." Do these statements sound familiar? If so, I can relate. I have thought about these types of statements for years. In fact, I thought about them so much that they consumed my life.
For a long time, I was envious of those who "had it all". I could spend all day looking at their lavish lifestyles, how they were perfectly manicured, and how they received high praise from others. Over time, I have learned to not focus on the artificial aspects of their lives. Instead, I learned to focus on who successful people are and what makes them successful. I have learned that successful people are successful because of key characteristics. I admire Donald Trump's ability to be decisive, Oprah's ability to show compassion, and Jeff Dunham's ability to make people laugh, while using his gift of ventriloquism. As I study the characteristics I like in each person, then I look at myself and brainstorm how I can use their characteristics to leverage success in my own life.
Since I have done this, I have made great strides. I think the greatest stride I've made thus far is to stop making excuses. Growing up, I blamed many external circumstances for my lack of success. I blamed politics, childhood, socioeconomic status, and much more for my lack of success. Guess what? It always ended badly. One day, I had to stop making excuses for my actions, own up to them, and make success happen instead of letting someone take my opportunities and options away from me. How has this happened? It is because I observed this in every successful person I've ever seen or met, regardless of status in society.
What I am telling you is that you are responsible for your successes in life. Bad things can happen to anyone; what matters is how you act in each situation. If you emulate those who are successful, you will be better for the experience. You may become impatient initially, but some of the greatest things in life have to be built from the ground up. It's time to build your foundation for success.
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
Honesty is the Best Policy
When you think about who you are, what comes to your mind? Do you think about your appearance, personality, actions you take in your life, or is it something else? Now, think about what came to your mind. Why do you think you thought of what you did (i.e., why did your personality come before everything else)? It's important to answer this because it will help you to become honest with yourself.
"Honest...with myself?!? Of course I am honest with myself. It's me for crying out loud!" Does that statement sound familiar? If so, you're not alone. I have muttered that statement more times than I care to admit. I live with myself each day. How could I not know who I am? As I learn about myself, I have come to learn that being honest with myself is one of the hardest things I've ever done.
For many years, I tried to impress the wrong people. I wanted to fit in with people who didn't like me for me. I used to drink with people at bars because I wanted to be seen as social and outgoing, hung out with people who were mean because I thought it equated to social capital, and altered my personality dramatically to appease certain guys I dated in the past. The truth is that I found it to be difficult to be honest with myself.
One day, I decided to cut the crap and start living an honest life. First, I stopped going to bars because I can't stand the bar scene; I don't even like alcohol. Second, I stopped hanging out with mean people because they were mentally draining. Lastly, I stopped trying to be what a guy wanted me to be and started being myself. I was very honest on dates. Guess what? A second date didn't happen 99.99% of the time, and that's okay.
As I remained true to who I am, there have been people along the way who have tried to bring me down to their level. When this happens, I remind myself who I am. It's not always easy to be true to who you are, but it is well worth it. You will attract people who are like you, become comfortable in your own skin, and learn to love who you are. I have adopted the motto "honesty is the best policy" and have never been happier. If you adopt the same motto, I think you will find happiness, too.
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