Impersonate? Perhaps. Replicate? I Think Not.

Do you want what others have? Are you intimidated by those who have accomplished more than you? If you find out that someone may be more qualified for an opportunity than you, do you stop giving your all and slowly give up? I wish every person could answer these questions with "no." However, many people I have spoken to recently would answer "yes."

For a long time, I would have answered every question with "yes." Even though I worked hard, I constantly focused on the wrong things. I was envious if someone had more accomplishments, a better job/job title, received an opportunity I thought should have gone to me, and the list could go on forever. Needless to say, no matter how much I accomplished, I was never happy.Since I was not happy, I spent ample time blaming everything and everyone for my frustrations. Do you know how simple it was for me to blame the politics of an organization for my lack of success? Can you imagine how easy it was to compare myself to others and try to justify the situation in an attempt to ease the hurt? It was really simple to do. In fact, it was so simple to do that it hid the fact that I refused to take accountability for my own actions and thoughts.

One day, I wondered how I could prevent myself from comparing myself to others. At first, I drove myself crazy because the answer was not obvious. Seven months ago, I sat and listened to a panel discussion about differentiating myself from everyone else. Once I left the meeting, it clicked. In order to stop comparing myself to others, I had to start focusing on what made me different and stop focusing on how to be the best. Why would I stop focusing on being the best and start focusing on being different? If I am the best at something, someone else could become better, which makes them the best. Instead, I look at what makes me different. If I am different from everyone else, then how can anyone duplicate me? They can try to impersonate, but an exact replication is impossible.

I want you to follow suit. Think about what makes you different. Do you have a knack for taking initiative in any situation? Can you talk your way to any sale? Does your ability to reason allow you to be an excellent mediator? After you think about your experiences, determine how you can package and deliver them. When you figure out how to do this, you still stop comparing yourself to others and begin to focus on bettering yourself.

Huh?

Do you get writer's blog? Have you had a day when you just can't seem to think of a good idea? When's the last time you sat in front of a computer screen and couldn't find writing inspiration? Does this drive you crazy? If so, you're not alone. To be honest, I am going through this exact dilemma right now-literally. Huh? "Why would you write a blog when you have nothing to write about tonight?" It's weird how this works, but bear with me.

A few weeks ago, I was in the process of writing a research paper. It was the ideal night for working. I had no other obligations, all house chores were finished, and I did not have other homework that night. Why was it that I was uninspired on the ideal work night?!? Ugh! I hate it when this happens. My lack of creativity could not have come at a worse time. A while back, I had every intention of working on a research report. Guess what? I wasn't motivated that day. Why, why, why?!? I could continue giving examples, but I think you get the point.

What do I do when I am not feeling inspired? I walk away. Could I struggle to get past my mental roadblocks and force myself to produce a document? Sure, why not? However, I have noticed that if I walk away from what I am doing and go back to it the next day, the work I produce is significantly better. If I am to become a better version of myself, I have to know how to use my weak moments to my advantage, and I encourage you to do the same. The beauty of this is that it doesn't just apply to writing.

If you're an athlete and you're messing up a technique you normally master, take a break, get your mind right, and then try again. Perhaps you are an avid camper. Setting up a tent is second nature to you. Let's say you are setting up a tent and you just can't get it. Step back, breathe, and start again. What if you're learning something new? Many times, it can be challenging to learn something new for the first time. When you become frustrated, step away from what you are doing, reflect on it, and then try again. If you're interacting with another person and they don't want to listen to you, walk away, cool down, and then continue the interaction.

It's easy to say "Inspiration is all around you. All you have to do is look for it." News flash: it isn't always that simple. Sometimes, finding it is like pulling teeth out of a whale's mouth. However, if you take a moment to remove yourself from a situation, you will find the motivation with a clear mind. Go ahead, try it. You may just surprise yourself.

Silver Lining

Do you complain about the weather? Is it too hot? Did it get too cold too soon? Has the rain ruined your good hair day? Was the wind blowing so hard that you questioned why you left your place? I understand the weather struggle. As a full-fledged resident of the state of Ohio, I get all four seasons in one day. Are you tired of the rain?  Wait 20 minutes and it will be 90 degrees. Are you sick of the humidity? Wait another 20 minutes and it will cool down again. One morning there's snow on your car. By the time afternoon rolls around, you want to take off all of your clothes. Trust me when I say I understand the weather struggle.

When I think about the weather, I could easily complain about weather all year long. When the weather is bipolar, it is easy to get frustrated. However, to cope with the weather, I take the following position: I will take hot weather over cold weather any day. Before you tell me I am crazy, I have my reasons. For starters, I strongly dislike being cold. The thought of shivering outside does not appeal to me. I don't like to scrape snow and ice off of my car windows, adapting to drastic temperature changes as I walk in and out of buildings, ruining the bottoms of my pants, worrying whether or not I will slip and fall in shoes designed for the elements, hoping my car will start when it is negative 20 degrees, and wearing my winter coat inside of buildings because the heat is not turned on. I dislike the tip of my nose getting cold, having to use a heating pad just to keep my hands warm, hoping my winter-proof coat will keep me warm, dealing with hands that easily get dried out. Have I mentioned that I get cold easily and my body temperature runs cooler than most people I know?

As you can see, I have many reasons to justify why I would take hot over cold weather any day. Guess what? It is cold and I cannot do anything about it. What can I do to make this situation better? I could keep complaining. It's safe to complain about it because I know I am not the only one who has this opinion. Does my complaining accomplish anything? Nope! The weather is not magically going to become warmer because of my complaints. How can I cope with the cold weather? I find the silver lining. Northern Ohio got hit with a lot of snow. In Southern Ohio, I saw a few flakes. They were the pretty powdery flakes that came down slowly. All I could think was that I was happy to not deal with massive amounts of snow so soon. I used to be jealous of those who did not have to deal with much snow before winter. Now, I am one of those people. Let me tell you-it feels good! Was it cold today? You better believe it! However, when I saw the snow the north was getting, my cold weather complaints went away. Does the difference in snow amounts change the fact that I don't like cold weather. No it does not. Here's what it does to me: it gives me hope. I know there will be at least one place that gets hit worse than where I live. If ample amounts of snow excites you, then that means there is more for you to enjoy. I know where I am comfortable taking my losses. :-)

Are You a Kind Person?

Do you consider yourself to be a kind person? If the elderly person cannot lift something, are you there to save the day? When someone needs a favor, do you go through with it? Does it make you feel good to do nice things for other people? If people are made fun of, will you be the brave person to stick up for them? The questions I asked are ones that kind people have no trouble answering. A kind person receives pleasure knowing they are kind to other people.

When I think about kindness, I think it can be easier to be kind to other people than it is to be kind to myself. I can tell and do nice things for other people all day, but the thought of being kind to me used to sound absurd. If you are having difficulty visualizing what I am saying, think about all the times you stood in front of the mirror and nitpicked your physical appearance. "Why is my waistline so big?" "Was I really blessed with bad acne?" "How come my thighs look like they want to eat Earth?" If you cannot relate to personal physical insults, then you may have been mean to yourself in other ways. "Why can't I be a smart as him?" "How come s/he gets every job, but I can't get an employer to look at me? Is it because I am not worthy of an employer's attention?" "Why is her life so perfect? How come I am being punished for not being perfect or rich enough?"

Stop being mean to yourself! You will drive yourself crazy! Gray hairs, brittle nails, headaches, and tears are not worth it. I used to be mean to myself. Even when I had it good, I still wondered why I wasn't happy. Unless I started being kind to myself, I would never be happy. To be honest with you, it was really hard at first. I didn't want to believe I was good enough. I lived my entire life with a chip on my shoulders. It weighed on my mind and affected every category of wellness.

I knew I had to put an end to the torture I put myself through. Think about it: it was torture I chose to endure. Since it was a choice I made initially, I made the choice to become better, I began doing a few things that changed my life. I began by being patient with myself. Some days, I will be comfortable in my skin. Other days, I will not feel great. Being patient with myself has allowed me to embrace my body and mind. Once I accomplished this, then I started giving myself compliments and gave myself pep talks. After this, I took a long look at my past. I held onto a lot of unnecessary baggage. I had to forgive events and people who caused me pain. From here on out, all areas of my life were impacted positively.

I know it can be easier to be kind to others, but not to yourself. Anyone can find the right words to say to someone else. However, you cannot escape yourself. The words you speak and the thoughts you think will not leave you, which makes it that much more important to be kind to yourself. I cannot guarantee how happy you will become if you choose to be kind to yourself,, but I can tell you is that it is worth trying.

Is It Time to Self-Evaluate?

When is the last time you took a good look at yourself and asked what you could do to become a better ______________ (student, worker, parents, partner, etc.)? If you haven't done this, why not? Is it because you are afraid to admit your flaws? Does the idea of confronting yourself scare you? If self-confrontation freaks you out, then you are most likely not alone.

Many people I know don't want to confront themselves. It's difficult enough to receive feedback  from other people, but to truly accept it as your reality takes confrontation to a different level. Think about it: if someone tells you something, it's easy to dismiss it. However, when you tell yourself something, where do you run and hide? You can't escape your thoughts, which means you can't escape the issue at hand.

I used to strongly dislike evaluating myself. Who wants to think that they are flawed? I know I didn't. When it comes to evaluating my character and positions I've held, I was used to hearing what others had to say. However, looking at myself and accepting it as my reality scared the crap out of me! Accepting my flaws as my reality meant I was shifting my identity.

One day, I realized I couldn't run from myself anymore. If I wanted to become a professional and human being, I had to confront myself and become committed to self-evaluation. Before, if I made a mistake, I blamed everyone and everything else for my flaw. Now, I look at myself and determine what I can do in the future to improve myself. Will I always be my worst critic? You better believe it. However, I know that if I remain committed to self-growth, I will excel in every area of my life.

Does Time Really Heal Hurt?

Have you heard of this quote?: "Time heals all wounds." Do you agree with the quote? If so, why? If not, why not? As you think about how you answered the question, think about these things: When is it preached to you? Why is it spoken? What do you think when someone says it? It's one of those quotes that people use when someone else is going through an unfortunate situation. Quite frankly, it's a safe quote to use during a time of hurt. 

Do I agree with the quote? No, I don't. "Huh! Why do you not agree with it? Do you not think that time heals all wounds? Do major life events just magically heal themselves?" The quote I wrote is what I would have said to someone 10 year ago. Like everyone else I know, I have experienced my fair share of major life events and hurtful experiences. Death, family divorce, mean people, and life's curve balls have made their way into my arsenal of memories. Trust me when I say I have experienced my fair share of hurtful experiences. 

When I think about the hurtful experiences in my life, I used to think that time could cure what had happened to me. After a while, I still felt hurt as if it felt like the events happened the same day. Why wasn't time healing my wounds? Guess what? This quote was not applicable to my life. I realized I had to do something about my hurt. I do think time can aid in healing wounds, but I also must work to make the hurt go away. I must take the time to realize what I can do to aid in the healing process. 

Wounds and hurt are inevitable. It will happen to everyone. If you sit around and wait for time to take care of your wounds, your wounds won't go away. You need to take control of yourself and realize you are capable of making the wounds go away. Instead of saying "time heals all wounds," say "time heals nothing unless I move along with it." 

Be Kind to Overachievers

Are you a determined, ambitious, passionate, driven, and energetic person? Would you be willing to work insane hours just to perfect an assignment? Do you expect nothing but the best? If these questions sound like you, then you may identify yourself as an overachiever. All you want is to be the best at what you do and nothing can get in your way. If this doesn't sound like you, then you may know of someone like this. There is also a possibility that you are rolling your eyes right now.

The non-overachiever may see the overachiever as stubborn, stern, and a pain in (insert your word(s) of choice here). Each time you think about this person, you want to throw bricks at the person, wish the person would stop trying so hard. It could be frustrating to work with this type of person because s/he may not always communicate expectations. Perhaps the expectations of this person are unrealistic for many people to achieve.

If you're an overachiever, I am about to give a positive voice to you. There are things you want to tell the world, but won't because people may simply not understand. As a fellow overachiever, I will be the voice for all overachievers. If I could tell non-overachievers what it's like to be an overachiever, it would look something like this:

-They are extremely driven. Why is the overachiever driven? I cannot speak for everyone, but I know that my drive is rooted in a few key life experiences. I am driven because I don't want to be average. I know I am above average. To me, average is not a choice. I am aware of my capabilities. If I don't perform at the level I know I can, then I am disappointing myself. I would be going against who I am.

-They don't want to settle. A few years ago, someone told me that I am "too competitive" and I should "not take my studies so seriously." Really? Why would someone tell me this? As an overachiever, comments like this drive me to work harder. These type of people are jealous of those who take the time to work hard and actually succeed.

-They know what they want. How difficult is it to achieve a goal when you don't know what the goal is? It's pretty difficult. Any overachiever I've met has a detailed plan of action that maps out their goals and objectives. They know the specific steps to take in order to accomplish tasks.

I understand that this is not a comprehensive list. However, I wanted you to begin to think about overachievers from a different perspective. They are not bad people who think poorly of others. They are motivated, goal-oriented individuals. Sometimes, they are misunderstood, which causes frustration and confusion. Next time you encounter an overachiever, instead of casting judgment, get to know the person. Who knows? The person may pleasantly surprise you.