Are You a Cog?

Do you want to feel like another number who simply exists in society? Would it hurt if you were lumped in with everyone else? Does it annoy you when people inaccurately define who you are based on limited information that is available to them? I don't know how every person would answer these questions, but the people I know want to be acknowledged as unique individuals. They don't want to be lumped in with everyone else. To be lumped in with everyone else means you are simply a person who is represented by a number (e.g., social security number).

Now, let me ask you this: Even though you probably don't want to be another number, do your actions complement your opinion? I want you to really think about this question before you answer it. As you contemplate your answer, think about everyday things that happen. Do you post too much information about yourself on social media? Be honest with yourself if you do. Think about everything you post in a day. Is it possible that not everyone wants to see 10 selfies of you per day? Do you think it's reasonable to think that open statements are a cry for attention (e.g., I don't know what's going to happen...)? If you could choose anyway to contact someone (assuming you cannot see the person at that moment), what is your preferred communicative method? Why do you prefer your preferred method? Do you text because it's convenient or because you can avoid confrontation? Does the thought of making a phone call make you cringe?

What does all of this mean? Well, I will tell you. Each time you post too much information on social media, you are lumped in with all other people who do the same thing. Guess what? You've just become another number. While short-term attention is granted, it doesn't necessarily mean it's positive attention. If you choose text messenger as your preferred method of communication, you become a number. How hard is it to pick up the phone?

Today, it seems like society (as a whole) is becoming a cog in digital machine. Rather than using technology in a way that is beneficial, society is using it to the point where they have become unimportant in the grand scheme of the digital world. When you become unimportant, you risk being lumped in with everyone else and people inaccurately define who you are. I am not telling you to stop using technology. What I am saying is that I want you to be mindful and smart about the way technology is used. If you want to differentiate yourself, post meaningful posts and limit the number of posts you post each day; quantity doesn't always mean quality. When you have the opportunity to communicate with someone, don't lump yourself in with everyone else who chooses to send a text message. Be different and hold a conversation. At the end of the day, if you differentiate yourself in a positive way, then you will no longer be just another number who simply exists in society.

Go with the Flow

Do you go with the flow or do you prefer structure? If you go with the flow, does it annoy you when structured people are organized? I can only imagine what you may say. "You can't possibly plan for every aspect of life." "People say things that screw up the rest of the day." "Life should be embraced each moment rather than thinking about future moments." "How can anyone not go with the flow?!? That's the beauty of life!"

If you couldn't tell, I am a structured person. I live for schedules, order, and proper planning. Having a schedule in front of me is as glorious as eating chocolate while I am under thick covers watching an episode of Fixer Upper (great day!). If it were possible, I would plan out the rest of the calendar year now! Yes, I am being completely serious right now. Heck, if horoscopes were accurate, I would plan my life according to what I read. (Un)fortunately, I can't plan every aspect of my life nor can I predict what others will do and say.

This semester, I am living by a new motto: "Go with the flow." This is freakishly scary! I am not known for being good with the unknown. However, given the nature of the semester and upcoming summer, I figured it would be better to embrace this motto than fight against it. If someone in a class says things that may drive me crazy, I will learn from the person and strengthen my own position on an issue/topic. When a research approach emerges that confuses me, I will embrace new knowledge and learn all that I can. This won't be easy at first, but as I progress, I have no doubt it will become easier.

If you are a person who goes with the flow, help those who are structured. Yes, they will do everything they can to fight it. However, I ask that you're patient, understanding, and sympathetic. This is your opportunity to help a structured person to loosen up and embrace new life opportunities. Who knows? Both people may benefit each other in the end.

Celebrate, Don't Tolerate

When you hang out with people, do you stay true to who you are or do you change yourself to fit in? If you stay true to who you are, then I applaud you! However, if you change yourself just to fit in, why do you do it? Does society say you're supposed to do certain things in order to fit in? Do you have a need to be liked so much that you're willing to be a different person? If you removed the mask and people saw who you really were, would they still like you?

For a long time, I just wanted to fit in. It was easier to mold myself to society's expectations than focus on my own happiness. Once upon a time ago, I, like many teenagers, wore brands like Abercrombie and Fitch and American Eagle Outfitters. Did I like the clothes? Sure, but the same types of clothes could have been purchased at other stores for less money. More likely than not, the clothes at other stores were made with the same "quality" materials, possibly better ones. Did I want to wear those name brands because I genuinely liked them or was it because I wanted to fit it? Looking back at my conforming self, I would say it was because I had a desire to fit it.

Let's fast forward to age 21. I legally could drink alcohol. Score! Now, I can go into bars, get drunk with my friends, and create lasting memories. At first, it was fun to let loose, get dolled up for an evening, and hang out with my friends. Guess what? It only lasted a couple of years. Why? I didn't like to drink! Why was I celebrating the fact that I could legally ruin my insides knowing I didn't want to? Oh yeah, it's because I wanted to fit in. Speaking of friends, I wanted, more than anything, to share my deepest secrets and be my true self around them. However, for fear of losing them, I decided it wasn't a good idea to disclose certain parts of my personality. Not surprisingly, I was tired of being someone I am not. I cut those "friends" out of my life. It was lonely at first, but it needed to be done.

The point I am trying to make is that you do not need to change who you are for anyone. If someone doesn't like your quirks, you do not need that person in your life. Being true to you and surrounding yourself with people who appreciate you for you is one of the best gifts you can give. If people can't see the value of who you are, then it is time to refocus your energy. Go where you are celebrated, not tolerated.

Stop Complaining and Start Doing

Do you want to be successful? My guess is that you do. Who doesn't want to be successful at something?!? Success gives people a sense of pride. Whether success means recognition, a job promotion, pay raise, receiving an award, pure satisfaction knowing you helped someone else, or a way I did not mention, it feels good to be successful. Now, let me ask you this: are you willing to do the work to become successful?

Within the last month, I have encountered many people who want to live a certain lifestyle and own particular possessions. Put simply, they want what they don't have. What happens when people want something, but don't have it? Many people I know spend their time complaining about their situation. "Why does she get everything she wants?" "How come he keeps getting promotions over me?" "I can't understand why people think (insert name here) is better than me.  It's really frustrating." This used to be me. Growing up, I wanted to be the person who was successful, but wanted to spend more time complaining about my current situation. Guess what happened when I approached life with this mentality? I drove myself crazy, was constantly frustrated, and had a difficult time appreciating what I had in my life. Needless to say, it was not healthy.

A couple years ago, I was out in the job market looking for a job. At first, I was pessimistic. It frustrated me when other people found jobs. Why couldn't I find work? Was there something wrong with me? Did my years of school mean nothing?!? I'll let you be the judge of how bitter I used to be. One day, it hit me out of no where. The years of schooling and previous years of employment didn't matter if I spent my time complaining. From this moment, I stopped complaining about my situation and started doing something about it. I attended many networking meetings, networked my rear end off with people, and figured out who I was and what I truly wanted to do with my life. Once I did this, I spent less time complaining and more time making success happen.

When I look at myself in the mirror, I am proud of how far I've come. I know I am successful because of hard work, persistence, assertiveness, and determination. Focusing my energy in a positive way has helped me to become the best version of myself yet. If you want to become the best version of yourself, stop complaining about your situation and do something about it. You're welcome. :-)

Are You Exhausted?

When you live your day-to-day life, what thoughts consume you? Are your thoughts happy ones that make life worth living or do they cause you internal pain? I hope you chose the first of the two. If not, then you're not alone. Within the past week, I have witnessed people expressing thoughts that revolve around anger, pain, greed, envy, and jealousy. These thoughts consumed their conversations with other people, which makes me wonder how often people consume these kinds of thoughts.

I used to consume thoughts that were not healthy. In the past, I put myself down for not looking a certain way, pleasing people enough, not being well-liked, and not being the best at anything. When I looked around me, I wanted to live a different life. Why was I not noticed? How come others were chosen over me? Was there something wrong with me?!? For a long time, I thought there was. It didn't matter how hard I tried; I just couldn't win.

Recently, I noticed a significant change within myself. I started caring less about what others thought of me and started determining who I was and what I needed to do to live a happy life. As I went through this transition, changes had to be made. One change I have experienced is my ability to say no. In the past, I may have given into peer pressure and do something I didn't want to do (i.e., hang out with someone and stay out later than I wanted to). Now, I am comfortable turning down an opportunity without hesitation. Sure, it doesn't create a positive impression, but I would rather not be liked for being me than be liked for being someone I am not.

Giving into peer pressure was exhausting! I spent so much time pleasing others that I forgot how to make myself happy. When I gave into it, it caused resentment, sadness, and jealousy. Since I have started saying no, my thoughts have become happy. It is amazing to live the life I want to live, not the life others think I should live.

If you're in a situation where you want to say no, but don't want to hurt others, then do this for me: stop concerning yourself with the thoughts of others. If their opinion of you is what dictates your life, then you are surrounding yourself with the wrong people. I understand you can't always avoid these people. However, if you surround yourself with people who respect when you say no, then you will create a calm, peaceful, and happy life. It may give you an uneasy feeling at first, but you will reap the long-term benefits of saying no. 

Distance Doesn't Define Dedication

Have you ever moved away from loved ones? If you have, did people give you a hard time about it? When distance forces you to decline a hang out, do the people in your life understand or become annoyed? Perhaps you did not move, but know of someone who moved far away. Was it easy to cope with the move or did you become resentful? Recently, my family and I unanimously decided to move a few hours away from our hometown. My husband and I decided if we wanted to create the best possible future for our family, we had to relocate. Along the way, we have experienced many challenges. One challenge is not being able to visit loved ones when we want to. Before we moved, it was simple to attend events. Now, we have to decline hangouts. It's not that we don't want to hang out with people; it's the farthest thought from the truth. The reality is that it is not possible most of the time.

My husband and I are both Ph.D. students. If you're not familiar with what this entails, it involves working from home 90-95% of the time. It's not the type of job where you dedicate X number of hours per week and then you're done. We are expected to know our discipline like the back of our heads. Then, we have our Graduate Assistantship responsibilities. Since we are good workers, we take pride knowing we perform at the highest level. Guess what? This requires us to work more hours. Let's not forget that we are required to submit research to conferences and journals, which requires us to work more hours. Now, this is where it becomes "glamorous." We work for little pay (for now). Have I mentioned the number of deadlines we must meet?!?

Now, I want to call your attention to why our situation prevents us from seeing hometown people. Our work schedule keeps us busy. If you were to put a camera inside of our home, you would become bored with our academic conversations. If we were to go back to our hometown to visit people, it would take time away from what we need to accomplish. Now, let's add in the fact that we have to be smart with our funds. Until we become professors, we will not make a lot of money. This means we have to carefully plan each trip we make up north.  I shared our story with you because I don't want you to feel alone. Those who can relate to the challenges of being far away are probably praising the love language I am writing. If you are dealing with a loved one not being present, then the following advice may help you to cope:

-Just because a person moved far away doesn't mean the person loves or cares about you less than they did before. It may be difficult to understand now, but the person is trying to create a better life for him or herself.
-Technology does exist. If you miss someone, send a text or social media message. The person you miss will respond back if they miss you, too.
-Put yourself in their situation. If you were to move away to better yourself, would you want people to support your decision or display jealous behaviors?

Let's Get Back to the Basics

Did you go shopping on Black Friday? Have you started baking holiday cookies and wrapping gifts? Is it a yearly tradition to wait till the last minute to do everything for Christmas? Are you stressed out about seeing family members you don't like? Do my questions give you a headache? When I wrote them, they gave me a headache.

Each year, I see more people become stressed over the holiday season. It's disheartening to see people look at Christmas ads during Thanksgiving. Why can't people enjoy time with their loved ones? When I see people walking around stores stressed and spending next year's money, I feel sorry for them. Why do those people make decisions based on one time of year? Would those people make the same decisions if it wasn't that time of year? If I come in contact with materialistic family members, all they care about is what others will buy their children? Can't they just appreciate what other people do for their kids?

Growing up, I remember people being happy during the Christmas season. My mom baked cookies in the kitchen, I saw Christmas lights at night, ate too much food, decorated the tree, and spent time with loved ones. This way of life seems basic to me, and it's the type of life I still live. I question why people get caught up in the unnecessary hoopla.

I understand how easy it is to become consumed by hallmark and pop culture. Advertisers make people think they need certain things when they really don't, which means people (in general, not aimed at a specific person) are spending more money than they need to. A time of year that used to fill people with joy has filled them with greed and jealousy.

I want everyone to get back to the basics. Forget about the material presents, sales, and newspaper ads. Let's take the time to enjoy loved ones, partake in traditional holiday activities, and remind ourselves why the holiday season is so special. Light holiday-scented candles, put on holiday music, drink hot cider/cocoa, and watch a holiday movie. Okay, okay, I know what I suggest may or may not sound like what you would want to do. However, if you take the time to enjoy life and those who are in it, then it will help to make the holiday season merry, joyous, and bright.