What is one of the top skills employers value? How can couples improve their relationships? Which way is the most effective way to get your point across to your audience? It's communication! Without communication, we cannot communicate our thoughts.
Most people think they are effective communicators. For crying out loud, babies communicate with their parents from the moment they're born. Babies will cry, scream, and coo. As babies turn into toddlers, young children, and eventually adults, they develop communication patterns based on their surroundings (e.g., mass media, family, friends, employees, etc.).
When we communicate with people in our lives, do you wonder why messages are misinterpreted, misrepresented, words become twisted (aka manipulation), etc.? I don't think there is a singular answer to this question. What I do know is this: if communication isn't improved, then how will we progress?
The following are ways to improve your communication skills. It is not an exhaustive list. It is meant to be a beginning guiding tool. My hope is that these tips will help you to become an effective communicator:
-Know your audience. If you don't know who you're speaking to, then the conversation becomes awkward.
-Pause before talking. Many times, people will fill in silence with filler words (e.g., ah, uh, and uhm). Also, it will prevent verbal vomit.
-Know your facts. Misrepresenting the truth will annoy people and possibly put words into someone's mouth.
-Practice good listening. Put the technology down for 5 minutes. Turn off all devices or put them on silent. If it's an important conversation, let your phones calls go to voice mail.
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Stop Running
When is the last time you wanted something someone else had? How did it make you feel? What did you think? Did you go out and purchase the same item? If you did, did it validate you? If you didn't, did you envy the person who had what you desired?
If I were to ask society if they were thankful for what they have in life, most people would say yes. Out of the millions of people who would say "yes," how many are lying? I cannot give a valid answer, but I am certain that at least one person has lied. Yes, you guessed it. It's me.
This morning, I was on my way to a meeting. I drove in a warm, toasty car. My car functions properly. I had on gloves to keep my hands from feeling like they were in the freezer. I should be thankful that my basic survival needs were met. All of a sudden, I felt something weird. I knew the feeling because I had felt it in the past. It annoyed me all the way to my meeting. Can you guess what the feeling was? No? It was a hole in the big toe of my right sock. Ahh!!!
Many people I know would find this to be annoying. It doesn't seem like a big deal. Throw the socks away and purchase a new pair. As I thought about the hole in my sock, I realized that I actually had a pair of socks to wear. I can only envision how many people, around the world, who do not have socks to wear. At the time of the annoyance, it seemed like a big deal. As I reflect on it, it's petty.
The hole in my sock taught me a valuable lesson. I should be happy with what I have instead of wanting what other people have. I may not have what I want in life right now, but I can be happy with what I have till I get there. It's not about keeping up with the Jonses. It is about doing what's right for me and being happy with what I have.
If I were to ask society if they were thankful for what they have in life, most people would say yes. Out of the millions of people who would say "yes," how many are lying? I cannot give a valid answer, but I am certain that at least one person has lied. Yes, you guessed it. It's me.
This morning, I was on my way to a meeting. I drove in a warm, toasty car. My car functions properly. I had on gloves to keep my hands from feeling like they were in the freezer. I should be thankful that my basic survival needs were met. All of a sudden, I felt something weird. I knew the feeling because I had felt it in the past. It annoyed me all the way to my meeting. Can you guess what the feeling was? No? It was a hole in the big toe of my right sock. Ahh!!!
Many people I know would find this to be annoying. It doesn't seem like a big deal. Throw the socks away and purchase a new pair. As I thought about the hole in my sock, I realized that I actually had a pair of socks to wear. I can only envision how many people, around the world, who do not have socks to wear. At the time of the annoyance, it seemed like a big deal. As I reflect on it, it's petty.
The hole in my sock taught me a valuable lesson. I should be happy with what I have instead of wanting what other people have. I may not have what I want in life right now, but I can be happy with what I have till I get there. It's not about keeping up with the Jonses. It is about doing what's right for me and being happy with what I have.
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Stay Strong
Has anyone ever tried to put you down for any reason? If so, how did it make you feel? Some don't care about what others say, regardless of what's said. Many people, however, do care about what others think of them. If you do care, then the comments probably hurt to hear and know.
Ever since I could remember, I placed a lot of emphasis on what other people thought about me. Many times, the comments were positive. There were also many times when the comments were negative. I won't go into the logistics of the hurtful things that have been said to me or about me through someone else. I don't know why people are cruel, but I have faith that the experiences have helped me to be a strong person.
Throughout my life, I've wanted to excel at anything I did; I still do today. When I do well, it is applauded, but when I excel, others seem to have a way of diminishing my accomplishments. When I earned my Master's degree, one side of my family was happy for me. They congratulated me on a job well done. The other side of my family did not say a word to me about my accomplishment; they still won't. Recently, I attended an event. A couple people asked me where I worked. I stated the name of my employer. Instead of being happy for me, they decide to comment about the drive there, questioning the requirements of the position (Hello! I was hired for crying out loud!), and other comments that weren't positive. At this moment, I became irritated and frustrated. Why can't people just be happy for me?! Why do they try to diminish me?
The situation above is only a snippet of what I endure from other people. It's exhausting! Sometimes, it seems easier to throw in the towel and perform at an average level. People seem to be getting ahead in life by giving only what's required. However, I keep reminding myself that I am not average. I will overachieve in any situation and give more than "average."
If you are like me, or know of someone who's like me, then here's the best advice I can give to you. Surround yourself with positive people. Negative people who are miserable with their own lives don't want you to succeed. They want to bring you down to their level. Surrounding yourself with people who genuinely want you do succeed makes a huge difference. It's one of the best decisions I've made yet.
Ever since I could remember, I placed a lot of emphasis on what other people thought about me. Many times, the comments were positive. There were also many times when the comments were negative. I won't go into the logistics of the hurtful things that have been said to me or about me through someone else. I don't know why people are cruel, but I have faith that the experiences have helped me to be a strong person.
Throughout my life, I've wanted to excel at anything I did; I still do today. When I do well, it is applauded, but when I excel, others seem to have a way of diminishing my accomplishments. When I earned my Master's degree, one side of my family was happy for me. They congratulated me on a job well done. The other side of my family did not say a word to me about my accomplishment; they still won't. Recently, I attended an event. A couple people asked me where I worked. I stated the name of my employer. Instead of being happy for me, they decide to comment about the drive there, questioning the requirements of the position (Hello! I was hired for crying out loud!), and other comments that weren't positive. At this moment, I became irritated and frustrated. Why can't people just be happy for me?! Why do they try to diminish me?
The situation above is only a snippet of what I endure from other people. It's exhausting! Sometimes, it seems easier to throw in the towel and perform at an average level. People seem to be getting ahead in life by giving only what's required. However, I keep reminding myself that I am not average. I will overachieve in any situation and give more than "average."
If you are like me, or know of someone who's like me, then here's the best advice I can give to you. Surround yourself with positive people. Negative people who are miserable with their own lives don't want you to succeed. They want to bring you down to their level. Surrounding yourself with people who genuinely want you do succeed makes a huge difference. It's one of the best decisions I've made yet.
Thursday, October 10, 2013
When you were growing up, were you taught to respect your elders? If you disobeyed your parents, would you have gotten into trouble? Were you allowed to disagree with your teachers in school? I remember my childhood as if it had happened yesterday. One aspect I remember vividly is how I always did what I was told to do. "Clean you room." "Yes, mom." "Read pages 31-43 for tomorrow." "I can do that." "Will you pick me up from work?" "I sure can."
Growing up, I was a people pleaser. I didn't want people to be mad at me nor did I want to invite conflict into my life. I was willing to sacrifice certain things I enjoyed to make other people happy. Put simply, I didn't know how to say "no."
As I've gotten older, I thought I was improving in this area. Recently, it was brought to my attention that I still said "yes" to too many questions. "Will you give a speech this day?" "Sure, that sounds fine." "Will you attend this event?" "Absolutely!" "Will you provide me extra guidance on this assignment?" "Of course." Why do I keep saying "yes"?! Do I keep saying "yes" because I am afraid to let others down? Is it because I don't want to invite conflict into my life? Do I have a desire to be liked by everyone? Did my childhood impact my current behavior?
To answer the questions above, the answer is "I don't know." The answers to every question could be "yes." The answers could also be "no." Regardless, I do know that there is a problem. The problem is that I keep saying "yes" when I should sometimes say "no."
I wasn't concerned with my inability to say "no" until a few weeks ago. Recently, my life has taken a different turn; I have to prioritize my life. I've been forced to put certain activities on the back burner and let other ones take precedence. I've communicated my recent changes to various people. Those who understand that one person cannot take on a storm have been compassionate and understanding. Others who only have their best interest at heart have not cared about me and how overwhelmed I've been lately.
Through my recent experiences, I've had to learn how to say "no." When I finally said "no" for the first time in my life, it felt amazing. 1,000 pounds had been lifted off of my shoulders. For the first time in my life, I stood up for myself. Was it hard? Absolutely. Do I regret it? Absolutely not!
If you're like me, then take my advice. All it takes is one time. When you say "no" the first time, it becomes easier to do afterwards. Saying "no" has inspired me to be a better person. My hope is that it can do the same for you, too.
Growing up, I was a people pleaser. I didn't want people to be mad at me nor did I want to invite conflict into my life. I was willing to sacrifice certain things I enjoyed to make other people happy. Put simply, I didn't know how to say "no."
As I've gotten older, I thought I was improving in this area. Recently, it was brought to my attention that I still said "yes" to too many questions. "Will you give a speech this day?" "Sure, that sounds fine." "Will you attend this event?" "Absolutely!" "Will you provide me extra guidance on this assignment?" "Of course." Why do I keep saying "yes"?! Do I keep saying "yes" because I am afraid to let others down? Is it because I don't want to invite conflict into my life? Do I have a desire to be liked by everyone? Did my childhood impact my current behavior?
To answer the questions above, the answer is "I don't know." The answers to every question could be "yes." The answers could also be "no." Regardless, I do know that there is a problem. The problem is that I keep saying "yes" when I should sometimes say "no."
I wasn't concerned with my inability to say "no" until a few weeks ago. Recently, my life has taken a different turn; I have to prioritize my life. I've been forced to put certain activities on the back burner and let other ones take precedence. I've communicated my recent changes to various people. Those who understand that one person cannot take on a storm have been compassionate and understanding. Others who only have their best interest at heart have not cared about me and how overwhelmed I've been lately.
Through my recent experiences, I've had to learn how to say "no." When I finally said "no" for the first time in my life, it felt amazing. 1,000 pounds had been lifted off of my shoulders. For the first time in my life, I stood up for myself. Was it hard? Absolutely. Do I regret it? Absolutely not!
If you're like me, then take my advice. All it takes is one time. When you say "no" the first time, it becomes easier to do afterwards. Saying "no" has inspired me to be a better person. My hope is that it can do the same for you, too.
Thursday, October 3, 2013
Life is like.....
...a box of chocolates, of course! Who doesn't love chocolate?! Well, I am sure there are people who don't like it. There are people who cannot have it. For this delectable blog, we will not be savoring in the ooey, gooey goodness of chocolate. I will be referring to the analogy that was made famous by Forrest Gump.
In the movie, he sat on the bench with his infamous comfortable shoes on his feet. He asked the woman next him if she'd like a chocolate. During that scene, he made a statement that sounds pretty close to this:" Life's like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." I've come across many analogies that describe life, but this one is my favorite.
I actually despise getting a box of chocolates if I cannot choose which favors I want. There's something disheartening about getting the gross piece. I become disappointed if I select a piece that has coconut or the disgusting, repulsing, aritificially flavored strawberry filling inside. After I choose a disgusting piece, someone else chooses the sticky, yet, creamy, caramel filled chocolate. How dare s/he! That was supposed to be my piece of chocolate.
One day, I thought about why I don't like receiving the gross pieces of chocolate. The easy answer is that I don't like eating foods that don't taste good. However, I think it goes deeper than this. Earlier, I mentioned that I prefer to choose my own flavors. I prefer stability and I don't like unwanted surprises. When I choose which chocolate goes into my chocolate box, I know that I will like each piece. I think this is tied to my hatred toward the unknown.
The unknown is scary and life has a way of throwing surprises when you least expect them to come. Is the box of chocolate supposed to be a metaphor of life? It is symbolic of something that is larger than myself? I don't know the answer to this, but I do know that I enjoy when I pick the piece of chocolate that speaks my love language. Some days, the love language will be spoken; other days will taste like articifially flavored strawberry. Regardless, life is, indeed, like a box of chocolates. You really don't know which piece you'll select next.
In the movie, he sat on the bench with his infamous comfortable shoes on his feet. He asked the woman next him if she'd like a chocolate. During that scene, he made a statement that sounds pretty close to this:" Life's like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." I've come across many analogies that describe life, but this one is my favorite.
I actually despise getting a box of chocolates if I cannot choose which favors I want. There's something disheartening about getting the gross piece. I become disappointed if I select a piece that has coconut or the disgusting, repulsing, aritificially flavored strawberry filling inside. After I choose a disgusting piece, someone else chooses the sticky, yet, creamy, caramel filled chocolate. How dare s/he! That was supposed to be my piece of chocolate.
One day, I thought about why I don't like receiving the gross pieces of chocolate. The easy answer is that I don't like eating foods that don't taste good. However, I think it goes deeper than this. Earlier, I mentioned that I prefer to choose my own flavors. I prefer stability and I don't like unwanted surprises. When I choose which chocolate goes into my chocolate box, I know that I will like each piece. I think this is tied to my hatred toward the unknown.
The unknown is scary and life has a way of throwing surprises when you least expect them to come. Is the box of chocolate supposed to be a metaphor of life? It is symbolic of something that is larger than myself? I don't know the answer to this, but I do know that I enjoy when I pick the piece of chocolate that speaks my love language. Some days, the love language will be spoken; other days will taste like articifially flavored strawberry. Regardless, life is, indeed, like a box of chocolates. You really don't know which piece you'll select next.
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