When is the last time you took a good look at yourself and asked what you could do to become a better ______________ (student, worker, parents, partner, etc.)? If you haven't done this, why not? Is it because you are afraid to admit your flaws? Does the idea of confronting yourself scare you? If self-confrontation freaks you out, then you are most likely not alone.
Many people I know don't want to confront themselves. It's difficult enough to receive feedback from other people, but to truly accept it as your reality takes confrontation to a different level. Think about it: if someone tells you something, it's easy to dismiss it. However, when you tell yourself something, where do you run and hide? You can't escape your thoughts, which means you can't escape the issue at hand.
I used to strongly dislike evaluating myself. Who wants to think that they are flawed? I know I didn't. When it comes to evaluating my character and positions I've held, I was used to hearing what others had to say. However, looking at myself and accepting it as my reality scared the crap out of me! Accepting my flaws as my reality meant I was shifting my identity.
One day, I realized I couldn't run from myself anymore. If I wanted to become a professional and human being, I had to confront myself and become committed to self-evaluation. Before, if I made a mistake, I blamed everyone and everything else for my flaw. Now, I look at myself and determine what I can do in the future to improve myself. Will I always be my worst critic? You better believe it. However, I know that if I remain committed to self-growth, I will excel in every area of my life.
Friday, October 31, 2014
Friday, October 24, 2014
Does Time Really Heal Hurt?
Have you heard of this quote?: "Time heals all wounds." Do you agree with the quote? If so, why? If not, why not? As you think about how you answered the question, think about these things: When is it preached to you? Why is it spoken? What do you think when someone says it? It's one of those quotes that people use when someone else is going through an unfortunate situation. Quite frankly, it's a safe quote to use during a time of hurt.
Do I agree with the quote? No, I don't. "Huh! Why do you not agree with it? Do you not think that time heals all wounds? Do major life events just magically heal themselves?" The quote I wrote is what I would have said to someone 10 year ago. Like everyone else I know, I have experienced my fair share of major life events and hurtful experiences. Death, family divorce, mean people, and life's curve balls have made their way into my arsenal of memories. Trust me when I say I have experienced my fair share of hurtful experiences.
When I think about the hurtful experiences in my life, I used to think that time could cure what had happened to me. After a while, I still felt hurt as if it felt like the events happened the same day. Why wasn't time healing my wounds? Guess what? This quote was not applicable to my life. I realized I had to do something about my hurt. I do think time can aid in healing wounds, but I also must work to make the hurt go away. I must take the time to realize what I can do to aid in the healing process.
Wounds and hurt are inevitable. It will happen to everyone. If you sit around and wait for time to take care of your wounds, your wounds won't go away. You need to take control of yourself and realize you are capable of making the wounds go away. Instead of saying "time heals all wounds," say "time heals nothing unless I move along with it."
Friday, October 17, 2014
Be Kind to Overachievers
Are you a determined, ambitious, passionate, driven, and energetic person? Would you be willing to work insane hours just to perfect an assignment? Do you expect nothing but the best? If these questions sound like you, then you may identify yourself as an overachiever. All you want is to be the best at what you do and nothing can get in your way. If this doesn't sound like you, then you may know of someone like this. There is also a possibility that you are rolling your eyes right now.
The non-overachiever may see the overachiever as stubborn, stern, and a pain in (insert your word(s) of choice here). Each time you think about this person, you want to throw bricks at the person, wish the person would stop trying so hard. It could be frustrating to work with this type of person because s/he may not always communicate expectations. Perhaps the expectations of this person are unrealistic for many people to achieve.
If you're an overachiever, I am about to give a positive voice to you. There are things you want to tell the world, but won't because people may simply not understand. As a fellow overachiever, I will be the voice for all overachievers. If I could tell non-overachievers what it's like to be an overachiever, it would look something like this:
-They are extremely driven. Why is the overachiever driven? I cannot speak for everyone, but I know that my drive is rooted in a few key life experiences. I am driven because I don't want to be average. I know I am above average. To me, average is not a choice. I am aware of my capabilities. If I don't perform at the level I know I can, then I am disappointing myself. I would be going against who I am.
-They don't want to settle. A few years ago, someone told me that I am "too competitive" and I should "not take my studies so seriously." Really? Why would someone tell me this? As an overachiever, comments like this drive me to work harder. These type of people are jealous of those who take the time to work hard and actually succeed.
-They know what they want. How difficult is it to achieve a goal when you don't know what the goal is? It's pretty difficult. Any overachiever I've met has a detailed plan of action that maps out their goals and objectives. They know the specific steps to take in order to accomplish tasks.
I understand that this is not a comprehensive list. However, I wanted you to begin to think about overachievers from a different perspective. They are not bad people who think poorly of others. They are motivated, goal-oriented individuals. Sometimes, they are misunderstood, which causes frustration and confusion. Next time you encounter an overachiever, instead of casting judgment, get to know the person. Who knows? The person may pleasantly surprise you.
The non-overachiever may see the overachiever as stubborn, stern, and a pain in (insert your word(s) of choice here). Each time you think about this person, you want to throw bricks at the person, wish the person would stop trying so hard. It could be frustrating to work with this type of person because s/he may not always communicate expectations. Perhaps the expectations of this person are unrealistic for many people to achieve.
If you're an overachiever, I am about to give a positive voice to you. There are things you want to tell the world, but won't because people may simply not understand. As a fellow overachiever, I will be the voice for all overachievers. If I could tell non-overachievers what it's like to be an overachiever, it would look something like this:
-They are extremely driven. Why is the overachiever driven? I cannot speak for everyone, but I know that my drive is rooted in a few key life experiences. I am driven because I don't want to be average. I know I am above average. To me, average is not a choice. I am aware of my capabilities. If I don't perform at the level I know I can, then I am disappointing myself. I would be going against who I am.
-They don't want to settle. A few years ago, someone told me that I am "too competitive" and I should "not take my studies so seriously." Really? Why would someone tell me this? As an overachiever, comments like this drive me to work harder. These type of people are jealous of those who take the time to work hard and actually succeed.
-They know what they want. How difficult is it to achieve a goal when you don't know what the goal is? It's pretty difficult. Any overachiever I've met has a detailed plan of action that maps out their goals and objectives. They know the specific steps to take in order to accomplish tasks.
I understand that this is not a comprehensive list. However, I wanted you to begin to think about overachievers from a different perspective. They are not bad people who think poorly of others. They are motivated, goal-oriented individuals. Sometimes, they are misunderstood, which causes frustration and confusion. Next time you encounter an overachiever, instead of casting judgment, get to know the person. Who knows? The person may pleasantly surprise you.
Friday, October 10, 2014
Are You Aware of What You Attain?
Do you like to achieve your goals? Does the thought of receiving awards and recognition make you feel happy? When you look back at everything you've ever accomplished, do you think about how far you've come? These seem like simple questions to answer, but consider this next question. Are you aware of what you've actually attained? Really, do you have awareness of what you've obtained?
It may seem like a simple question to answer. A person could look at trophies, certificates, medals, and other tangible items that could measure success. Another person may look at attainment in terms of promotions and pay raises. Someone else could look at attaining their goals different from what I mentioned. Regardless of individual perception, ask yourself whether your satisfied or if you continue to look to the future.
Throughout my life, I have been considered to be a notorious goal-setter and long-term planner. It is easy for me to set goals that will be achieved 5 years from now. Unfortunately, I used to look past the goals I achieved daily, no matter how big or small they were. For example, when I was in high school, I was focused on getting into college. I was so focused that I didn't pay attention to the fact that I performed well on projects and exams and exceeded my supervisor's expectations at work. This continued through my undergraduate and master's degree programs. I wanted to graduate and become a great teacher, but focusing on those goals caused me to neglect the importance of meeting small goals (i.e., becoming a better academic writer, understanding research, etc.). Had I focused on what I attained along the way, I would have discovered internal happiness a long time ago.
I am not telling you to stop focusing on long-term goals to focus on short-term ones. What I telling you is that, no matter how big or small the goal may be, you should have awareness of everything you attain each day. Once you do this, it will make each success that much greater. If you don't know how to begin doing this, then I want you to do 1 simple exercise each day. I want you to write down 5 things you accomplished and/or 5 goals that were achieved each day. As you do this exercise each day, I think you will begin to not only see what you've attained, but you will see the beauty that lies within each experience that led to the goal or accomplishment.
It may seem like a simple question to answer. A person could look at trophies, certificates, medals, and other tangible items that could measure success. Another person may look at attainment in terms of promotions and pay raises. Someone else could look at attaining their goals different from what I mentioned. Regardless of individual perception, ask yourself whether your satisfied or if you continue to look to the future.
Throughout my life, I have been considered to be a notorious goal-setter and long-term planner. It is easy for me to set goals that will be achieved 5 years from now. Unfortunately, I used to look past the goals I achieved daily, no matter how big or small they were. For example, when I was in high school, I was focused on getting into college. I was so focused that I didn't pay attention to the fact that I performed well on projects and exams and exceeded my supervisor's expectations at work. This continued through my undergraduate and master's degree programs. I wanted to graduate and become a great teacher, but focusing on those goals caused me to neglect the importance of meeting small goals (i.e., becoming a better academic writer, understanding research, etc.). Had I focused on what I attained along the way, I would have discovered internal happiness a long time ago.
I am not telling you to stop focusing on long-term goals to focus on short-term ones. What I telling you is that, no matter how big or small the goal may be, you should have awareness of everything you attain each day. Once you do this, it will make each success that much greater. If you don't know how to begin doing this, then I want you to do 1 simple exercise each day. I want you to write down 5 things you accomplished and/or 5 goals that were achieved each day. As you do this exercise each day, I think you will begin to not only see what you've attained, but you will see the beauty that lies within each experience that led to the goal or accomplishment.
Friday, October 3, 2014
Quirk It
Do you have odd quirks? If you do, are they a secret? Are you ashamed of them? Would you lose friends if they knew your quirks existed? If you have quirks and answered "yes" to the other questions I asked, then I have a message to send to you: Quirk It! Quirk It? What does that even mean? Did you mean twerk it? No, I did not. Quirk It is correct.
Let's face it, each person has things they do that may be perceived as weird. When people find out their quirks are weird, a few things usually happen. They will continue to do them anyway, hide them from many people, but show their true colors in front of those closest to them, or stop doing them forever. Most people I know fall into the second or third category.
I used to be ashamed of my quirks. The thought of being different from everyone else petrified me. I wanted nothing more than to blend into my surroundings. As I have grown comfortable in my own skin, it has been easier to let my quirks shine through. I will not show my quirks during a job interview or at a formal dinner. In those contexts, it would not be appropriate. However, when the context is right, I will Quirk It. For example, if someone catches me singing in my car, I will look at them and keep singing. Sometimes, I will stretch like I am getting ready to work out if I know I will be sitting for a long time. This may not seem weird, but I do this inside school buildings outside of my classroom. I get odd stares, but do you think I care?
You do not need to be ashamed to Quirk It. If you are judged negatively, then that's not your problem. The person who's judging you has their own issues to tackle. I want you to let your personality shine through. When you allow yourself to do this, you will feel better about yourself. Instead of conforming to what society thinks is acceptable, you start becoming true to who you are. Being true to who you are is one of the best gifts you can give to yourself. I have made this statement in the past, but I think it's appropriate to say it again: Don't live life as a carbon copy. Be the original one.
Let's face it, each person has things they do that may be perceived as weird. When people find out their quirks are weird, a few things usually happen. They will continue to do them anyway, hide them from many people, but show their true colors in front of those closest to them, or stop doing them forever. Most people I know fall into the second or third category.
I used to be ashamed of my quirks. The thought of being different from everyone else petrified me. I wanted nothing more than to blend into my surroundings. As I have grown comfortable in my own skin, it has been easier to let my quirks shine through. I will not show my quirks during a job interview or at a formal dinner. In those contexts, it would not be appropriate. However, when the context is right, I will Quirk It. For example, if someone catches me singing in my car, I will look at them and keep singing. Sometimes, I will stretch like I am getting ready to work out if I know I will be sitting for a long time. This may not seem weird, but I do this inside school buildings outside of my classroom. I get odd stares, but do you think I care?
You do not need to be ashamed to Quirk It. If you are judged negatively, then that's not your problem. The person who's judging you has their own issues to tackle. I want you to let your personality shine through. When you allow yourself to do this, you will feel better about yourself. Instead of conforming to what society thinks is acceptable, you start becoming true to who you are. Being true to who you are is one of the best gifts you can give to yourself. I have made this statement in the past, but I think it's appropriate to say it again: Don't live life as a carbon copy. Be the original one.
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