Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas! "Isn't Christmas over?" "I have to pay my credit card bills next month because I spent too much on gifts." "I am returning the gift from _________ because I don't like it." Do these statements sound familiar? Does the history of the statements repeat themselves each year?

Christmas is one of the last words you may want to hear right now, but it's important to mention it right now. I attended 3 different Christmas gatherings. At each gathering, I observed what I hoped to not see again: greed, envy, and jealousy. I stared through my lens as I watched people study their gifts with a meticulous eye, full of intent. I felt the prude Scrooges and Grinches in the air as I saw them sit in misery. Needless to say, it wasn't pretty.

Oftentimes, I wonder what triggers the spite and green to emerge from deep within during the holiday season. I wish I could say that this is the first time I've witnessed what I saw, but it happens every year. After all of these years, one would expect I would succumb to my environment and become a product of it. On the contrary, I have used holiday experiences to strengthen me and to guide me in a better direction.

When I attended the holiday events this past year, I could have become part of the destruction. However, I continued to remind myself that I have loved ones in my life that will support me unconditionally. No amount of money could replace the meaningful relationships in my life.

Some days, I wonder why certain people have come and gone in my life and why others remain. I know it is not my place to question this. All I know is that I am grateful for the meaningful relationships that are in my life. I don't need one day to remind me what I should be thankful for in my life; every day is Christmas to me.

I'll Be There

Do you remember the lyrics to the title of this blog? "Just call my name and i'll be there." I can hear Michael Jackson, from his Jackson 5 days, and Mariah Carey in my head as I type these words. What does the song mean to you?

When I think about the lyrics, I think about those in my life who have always been there for me, regardless of the situation. In fact, I can count the number of people who have been there for me on one hand. I've come across people who say they'd be there for me, but they'll pull away if the situation isn't convenient for them.

What about people who've never said they'll be there for you, but it's assumed they will because the person is a family member or beloved friend who is like family? Can you count on someone who's never given you their word? For a long time, I thought I could. However, I've noticed that this is not the case.

Certain situations and circumstances have occurred within the past couple years that have made me question loyalty and unconditional love. I won't say what the situations are. I will say that they have involved greed, envy, jealousy, disgust, and anguish. People have gone from seeing me as a person to viewing me as social capital. Others have tried to shove my dreams down the drain because the economy isn't forgiving or because they are content with mediocrity.

Regardless of the situation, I have found a couple people I can honestly say will be there for me unconditionally. These people always have my best interest at heart and would do anything to make me happy. Knowing it is rare to find these people, I cherish my relationships with them. I don't take the for granted.

If you have even one person in your life that would be there for you unconditionally, do the same for them. Give them the same compassion and love they give to you each day. Don't take the person for granted; there's no one like him or her. Before you know it, the person could be gone quicker than you can blink.

Do You Remember?

Well, do you? Do you remember the last time you you were in good company? I'm not referring to the obligated company. For example, when you hang out with a group of friends, do you tend to gravitate towards one friend? When you go to an event, is there that one person you hope to see? I am not certain as to how many people think these thoughts, but I know there is one person who does-me.

Growing up, I was surrounded by many people. People had similar interests, hobbies, and goals. However, there was always the one friend I wanted to be with above others. When I attended family events, there's always a couple family members I gravitate to each time. It's not that I don't like other people; I just connect with certain people more than others.

It's difficult to describe. When I surround myself with people who "get me" and I connect with, the stars align and everything is right with the world. I could talk to these people for hours on end and never get tired of their company. I could be away from these people for a few hours and have the world to discuss.

This is the beauty of good company. Good company prevents the awkward silences that occur, the fake conversations, and the sugarcoated comments. It allows a person to be his or her purest self. For years, I surrounded myself with people because I thought quantity equaled quality. However, it is not the case. I have learned to surround myself with people who are good company. At the end of each day, good company makes life worth living.

Compliments are Contagious

When did you compliment someone last? Did the person feel good? How did you feel knowing you made someone else feel good? When I receive a compliment, I feel good about myself. It reassures me that my actions are making a positive difference. Each time I give a compliment, I get a sense of pride knowing I made someone else happy.

When I discuss giving compliments, sometimes it can seem too simple. What if someone has an ulterior motive? Is the compliment genuine? How can I tell whether or not the compliment was meant for me or for someone else? These kinds of questions can cause a person to not be receptive towards receiving and giving compliments. There are also people who do not like to express compliments and feelings with words. The person may not be comfortable expressing emotions. The person could've had a bad experience when giving or receiving a compliment in the past.

If you are not comfortable giving or receiving compliments, then there is good news for you. It is not too late to like giving and receiving them. It may not  be easy, but it can become contagious. Here are my suggestions for developing positive feelings about compliments:

1)Tell yourself that you are worthy of receiving compliments. If you don't think you are, then you may be hesitant to give and receive them;
2) After you do this, figure out the easiest way for you to express yourself. If you have a difficult time telling someone "thank you" for holding open a door, smile and nod. If it comes across as creepy or weird, don't worry about it. Someone will appreciate it;
3) Start opening your mouth. A simple "thank you" works wonders;
4) After a while, start adding in more words and make your compliments specific to the person.

Right now, the holiday season is in full effect. There are many people who will be rushed and unappreciative. This is the perfect time to practice complimenting other people. By the time the holiday season is finished, complimenting will become easier and it can become contagious.

There's no I in Team

When was the last time you were part of a team? Was it at work? Were you at sports practice? Did you work in a group on a group assignment? How did it make you feel to be part of a team? Did it make you feel invigorated, energetic, and excited? If not, then did it make you feel frustrated, annoyed, and agitated?

Normally, I prefer to work alone. I didn't have much success working in teams growing up. I was the person who was stuck doing at least 90% of the group work. It was frustrating to know that my group received the same credit for doing maybe 10% of the work. Even though I learned more from awful group experiences, it is something I do not wish upon anyone.

Recently, my perception of teamwork has changed. Did I finally comprehend the theoretical conceptualization behind teamwork? No, that happened a long time ago. What I finally realized is that not everyone will always work successfully together. When different personalities are brought into the equation, conflict is bound to arise. Heck, who am I kidding?! I already knew that, too.

The truth is that it took a special person to change my perception of teamwork. My boy friend and I have a goal to be physically fit; we want to live a long, prosperous life together. To do this, we have committed to working out 5 times per week. There are days when he is not motivated and vice versa. On the days we don't feel like going, we can come up with every excuse in the book. Instead, we drag ourselves to the gym and work out.When we're at the gym, we push each other. Sometimes, I don't want to continue because I am pushing myself harder than I ever did in gym class. Other times, his knee bothers him; I keep him motivated.

Through this bonding experience, I have realized the importance of teamwork. We challenge each other and push the other to his or her limit. We pound the fist when we accomplish our work out goals. After all is said and done, I now know that it takes team work to be successful at the gym and in every area of my life.

Push it Good

Do you remember the last time you worked out? During the workout, how did you feel? Were you ready to pass out, give up, or start crying? When it was over, how did you feel? Did you feel energized, tired, and happy? If these descriptions don't sound like you, then I hope you feel wonderful as you workout and after it's finished. Many people I know would say they are frustrated during the workout and feel better post workout.

I would describe myself as someone who enjoys working out, but can feel challenged at the end. In the beginning, I breeze through it like the breeze flowing through my hair on a windy day. As the workout comes to an end, I find it difficult to motivate myself to keep going.

I'll be honest, it's easier to quit a workout when there's only 2 minutes left. Who needs to use the elliptical for 2 more minutes? What will 2 extra minutes actually do for me? What's the benefit of pushing myself to do the last set of obliques? Let's not forget about crunches. Those are a real doozey when my stomach hurts.

As a goal-oriented person who likes to achieve everything I set my mind to, I push myself to finish because I set out to do it. It's not always easy. However, if I follow through on my workout goals, then it is easier to follow through on other goals I set for myself.

I know, I know. If you hate working out, then you may be wondering why working out is even worth it. If I, the person who despised gym class in high school and college, can take my rear end to the gym and accomplish my workout goals, then I know you can do it. Once you accomplish goals that are outside of the gym, then it will be easier to follow through on the remainder of your goals.

Prior Proper Preparation Prevents......

Have you entered a situation where you weren't prepared? How did you feel? What thoughts crossed your mind? Turn it around and think about how you felt when you were prepared. Did you feel different? Did different thoughts cross your mind? I hope so. To finish the statement from the title, prior proper preparation prevents poor performance.

Life will present different situations. Sometimes we are adequately prepared; sometimes we're not. When I am prepared, I embody confidence and charisma. If I don't prepare, then I can become irritated and frustrated. Lack of preparation can cause frustration an interview, in a traffic jam, or when someone says something sudden. 

What do I do to prepare for an unprepared situation? It's simple: I prepare for situations that I can control. For example, I had a phone interview not too long ago. I was asked a series of questions that are meant to get to know someone and designed to weed out candidates. I was asked questions I hadn't expected during the interview, but I successfully answered each question and landed the job. How did I do this? I accomplished this in two ways. The first way was to practice interviewing. How could I become better at interviewing without practicing?! The second way was to improve my impromptu speaking skills. I could practice interview all day, but the ability to think on my feet with no prior proper preparation is a skill that must also be learned. 

Not every situation can be planned in advance, but if you take the opportunity to practice when it doesn't count, and view it as a situation that will allow you to grow, then you can be prepared in an unprepared situation.

What's In a Title?

Do you have a title associated with your name? If so, how does it make you feel? What did it take to get that title? How many hours did you spend earning your title? Was it worth it? Think about these questions as you proceed through this blog entry.

About five years ago, I thought obtaining a title was the thing to do. Think about it. Medical doctors have a prestigious title as do professors, attorneys, etc. When I saw a title attached to someone's name, I thought that person had more value to society than someone who didn't have a title.

Five years later, I now have a title. In the classroom, my students refer to me as professor. Does it feel good? Yes! I couldn't imagine not being in the classroom with my students. Without my M.A., I could not legally teach at the college level (unless I was a Graduate Assistant). Even though it feels good to be called Professor, I inform my students that they can refer to me as Ms., Miss., or even by my first name (I know some wouldn't agree with this.). Why would I let my students call me a title that is not "professor"? It's simple. I don't associate my worth with my title.

I have learned much about titles within the past few years. Below are the lessons:
-A title is simply a title. A title can get a person employed.
-A title doesn't necessarily prove one's abilities and capabilities. Any field has good and bad professors, good and bad medical doctors, good and bad managers, etc.

Having a title is nice. Without it, I could not teach. However, I don't define myself by it nor do I expect to be treated different from someone else who does not have it. I attended a meeting today. The gentleman made the comment that he now should refer to me as professor. I told him to refer to me by my first name. When I go to bed at night, I don't think about me in regard to my profession. I think about my character and the qualities that make me unique. When the day ends, I will always know what I went through and how much time I've dedicated to the academy. The lessons and challenges I've faced thus far have helped to shape who I am and how I see my worth, not the title associated with my name.

Communication is Key

What is one of the top skills employers value? How can couples improve their relationships? Which way is the most effective way to get your point across to your audience? It's communication! Without communication, we cannot communicate our thoughts.

Most people think they are effective communicators. For crying out loud, babies communicate with their parents from the moment they're born. Babies will cry, scream, and coo. As babies turn into toddlers, young children, and eventually adults, they develop communication patterns based on their surroundings (e.g., mass media, family, friends, employees, etc.).

When we communicate with people in our lives, do you wonder why messages are misinterpreted, misrepresented, words become twisted (aka manipulation), etc.? I don't think there is a singular answer to this question. What I do know is this: if communication isn't improved, then how will we progress?

The following are ways to improve your communication skills. It is not an exhaustive list. It is meant to be a beginning guiding tool. My hope is that these tips will help you to become an effective communicator:

-Know your audience. If you don't know who you're speaking to, then the conversation becomes awkward.
-Pause before talking. Many times, people will fill in silence with filler words (e.g., ah, uh, and uhm). Also, it will prevent verbal vomit.
-Know your facts. Misrepresenting the truth will annoy people and possibly put words into someone's mouth.
-Practice good listening. Put the technology down for 5 minutes. Turn off all devices or put them on silent. If it's an important conversation, let your phones calls go to voice mail.

Stop Running

When is the last time you wanted something someone else had? How did it make you feel? What did you think? Did you go out and purchase the same item? If you did, did it validate you? If you didn't, did you envy the person who had what you desired?

If I were to ask society if they were thankful for what they have in life, most people would say yes. Out of the millions of people who would say "yes," how many are lying? I cannot give a valid answer, but I am certain that at least one person has lied. Yes, you guessed it. It's me.

This morning, I was on my way to a meeting. I drove in a warm, toasty car. My car functions properly. I had on gloves to keep my hands from feeling like they were in the freezer. I should be thankful that my basic survival needs were met. All of a sudden, I felt something weird. I knew the feeling because I had felt it in the past. It annoyed me all the way to my meeting. Can you guess what the feeling was? No? It was a hole in the big toe of my right sock. Ahh!!!

Many people I know would find this to be annoying. It doesn't seem like a big deal. Throw the socks away and purchase a new pair. As I thought about the hole in my sock, I realized that I actually had a pair of socks to wear. I can only envision how many people, around the world, who do not have socks to wear. At the time of the annoyance, it seemed like a big deal. As I reflect on it, it's petty.

The hole in my sock taught me a valuable lesson. I should be happy with what I have instead of wanting what other people have. I may not have what I want in life right now, but I can be happy with what I have till I get there. It's not about keeping up with the Jonses. It is about doing what's right for me and being happy with what I have.

Stay Strong

Has anyone ever tried to put you down for any reason? If so, how did it make you feel? Some don't care about what others say, regardless of what's said. Many people, however, do care about what others think of them. If you do care, then the comments probably hurt to hear and know.

Ever since I could remember, I placed a lot of emphasis on what other people thought about me. Many times, the comments were positive. There were also many times when the comments were negative. I won't go into the logistics of the hurtful things that have been said to me or about me through someone else. I don't know why people are cruel, but I have faith that the experiences have helped me to be a strong person.

Throughout my life, I've wanted to excel at anything I did; I still do today. When I do well, it is applauded, but when I excel, others seem to have a way of diminishing my accomplishments. When I earned my Master's degree, one side of my family was happy for me. They congratulated me on a job well done. The other side of my family did not say a word to me about my accomplishment; they still won't. Recently, I attended an event. A couple people asked me where I worked. I stated the name of my employer. Instead of being happy for me, they decide to comment about the drive there, questioning the requirements of the position (Hello! I was hired for crying out loud!), and other comments that weren't positive. At this moment, I became irritated and frustrated. Why can't people just be happy for me?! Why do they try to diminish me?

The situation above is only a snippet of what I endure from other people. It's exhausting! Sometimes, it seems easier to throw in the towel and perform at an average level. People seem to be getting ahead in life by giving only what's required. However, I keep reminding myself that I am not average. I will overachieve in any situation and give more than "average."

If you are like me, or know of someone who's like me, then here's the best advice I can give to you. Surround yourself with positive people. Negative people who are miserable with their own lives don't want you to succeed. They want to bring you down to their level. Surrounding yourself with people who genuinely want you do succeed makes a huge difference. It's one of the best decisions I've made yet.

When you were growing up, were you taught to respect your elders? If you disobeyed your parents, would you have gotten into trouble? Were you allowed to disagree with your teachers in school? I remember my childhood as if it had happened yesterday. One aspect I remember vividly is how I always did what I was told to do. "Clean you room." "Yes, mom." "Read pages 31-43 for tomorrow." "I can do that." "Will you pick me up from work?" "I sure can."

Growing up, I was a people pleaser. I didn't want people to be mad at me nor did I want to invite conflict into my life. I was willing to sacrifice certain things I enjoyed to make other people happy. Put simply, I didn't know how to say "no."

As I've gotten older, I thought I was improving in this area. Recently, it was brought to my attention that I still said "yes" to too many questions. "Will you give a speech this day?" "Sure, that sounds fine." "Will you attend this event?" "Absolutely!" "Will you provide me extra guidance on this assignment?" "Of course." Why do I keep saying "yes"?! Do I keep saying "yes" because I am afraid to let others down? Is it because I don't want to invite conflict into my life? Do I have a desire to be liked by everyone? Did my childhood impact my current behavior?

To answer the questions above, the answer is "I don't know." The answers to every question could be "yes." The answers could also be "no." Regardless, I do know that there is a problem. The problem is that I keep saying "yes" when I should sometimes say "no."

I wasn't concerned with my inability to say "no" until a few weeks ago. Recently, my life has taken a different turn; I have to prioritize my life. I've been forced to put certain activities on the back burner and let other ones take precedence. I've communicated my recent changes to various people. Those who understand that one person cannot take on a storm have been compassionate and understanding. Others who only have their best interest at heart have not cared about me and how overwhelmed I've been lately.

Through my recent experiences, I've had to learn how to say "no." When I finally said "no" for the first time in my life, it felt amazing. 1,000 pounds had been lifted off of my shoulders. For the first time in my life, I stood up for myself. Was it hard? Absolutely. Do I regret it? Absolutely not!

If you're like me, then take my advice. All it takes is one time. When you say "no" the first time, it becomes easier to do afterwards. Saying "no" has inspired me to be a better person. My hope is that it can do the same for you, too.

Life is like.....

...a box of chocolates, of course! Who doesn't love chocolate?! Well, I am sure there are people who don't like it. There are people who cannot have it. For this delectable blog, we will not be savoring in the ooey, gooey goodness of chocolate. I will be referring to the analogy that was made famous by Forrest Gump.

In the movie, he sat on the bench with his infamous comfortable shoes on his feet. He asked the woman next him if she'd like a chocolate. During that scene, he made a statement that sounds pretty close to this:" Life's like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." I've come across many analogies that describe life, but this one is my favorite.

I actually despise getting a box of chocolates if I cannot choose which favors I want. There's something disheartening about getting the gross piece. I become disappointed if I select a piece that has coconut or the disgusting, repulsing, aritificially flavored strawberry filling inside. After I choose a disgusting piece, someone else chooses the sticky, yet, creamy, caramel filled chocolate. How dare s/he! That was supposed to be my piece of chocolate.

One day, I thought about why I don't like receiving the gross pieces of chocolate. The easy answer is that I don't like eating foods that don't taste good. However, I think it goes deeper than this. Earlier, I mentioned that I prefer to choose my own flavors. I prefer stability and I don't like unwanted surprises. When I choose which chocolate goes into my chocolate box, I know that I will like each piece. I think this is tied to my hatred toward the unknown.

The unknown is scary and life has a way of throwing surprises when you least expect them to come. Is the box of chocolate supposed to be a metaphor of life? It is symbolic of something that is larger than myself? I don't know the answer to this, but I do know that I enjoy when I pick the piece of chocolate that speaks my love language. Some days, the love language will be spoken; other days will taste like articifially flavored strawberry. Regardless, life is, indeed, like a box of chocolates. You really don't know which piece you'll select next.

What's Your Reality?

Do you care about what others think of you? Most people I know would say they don't. If you think about it, most people do to a degree. I care about what other people think of me. When I enter a professional environment, I do not want to be the person who does not belong. When I hang out with a group of friends or acquaintances, I do not want to be the sad kitten who plays with the ball of yarn in the corner; the sad kitten in the corner implies that I am left out of the group.

For a long time, I cared deeply about what others thought about me. Sometimes, I would act or speak a certain way, solely for approval. If this seems bad, it gets deeper. Many times, I would behave a certain way because it was how I thought people perceived me. Instead of being who I was and staying to to form, I morphed into what I thought others wanted me to be.

As I've matured and have gained different perspectives, I realized that it is too much work to be who others want me to be. I was tired of giving into every desire and saying "yes" to just about everyone I knew. It's exhausting to do everything!

Since my revelation, I have focused on who I am. Instead of downplaying perceived weaknesses (e.g., pessimism, conspiracy theorist, etc.), I have recognized that these qualities are part of me. I don't want to change them nor do I plan to. Many people would say that my "negative" qualities make me a bad person. I say "Bah Humbug!" I wouldn't actually become Scrooge, but I would acknowledge that I am who I am and that's a-okay by me.

If you have a difficult time celebrating who you are, then refer to this quote:  "Never allow someone's opinion of you to become your reality." -Anonymous

I am Stronger Than Yesterday

You may or may nor recognize the title of the blog. If you can't put your finger as to where it came from, it is a lyric from Britney Spears' song "Stronger." Some are familiar with this song and others aren't. If you're not, then I will fill you in briefly. The song is about leaving a horrible relationship and finally feeling free. When I think about the song title, a different idea comes to my mind. I think about being strong in every facet of life, including leaving horrible relationships.

When I think about being strong, I compare myself to Bozo the Clown. I remember watching Bozo in a class one day. Kids kept pushing Bozo down, but Bozo always got back up. The kids couldn't understand why Bozo could pull himself up. Most people know that these kinds of toys have something inside of it that allows it to bounce back up.

If Bozo has something in him that allows him to bounce back up each time, then do people have something in them to bring them back up? If you look deep inside, there is something there. You may or may not see it. It is there, but it may be hidden. There's a possibility that the light hasn't been ignited. I think each person has something inside that brings him/her up each time a something goes wrong.

When you get knocked down, think about what motivates you to stand on your two feet. When you do, remember what motivates you when you feel like giving up. When you get up, you become stronger, wiser, and humble; you will be better for the experience.

Does the Outfit Fit?

When is the last time your tried on an outfit? Did the outfit fit just right or did something seem off? I've always been told to put clothes back on the rack if I don't like them on me. If I still decide to buy the clothes, they will grow dust in my closet.

When an outfit fits just right, it seems like everything is right within the world. The outfit hugs your body the way you think it should and it makes you feel confident. I don't know about you, but I know that I feel best when my outfit is tailored perfectly.

Think about the clothing you own. Do you have a go-to outfit you wear? Doesn't it make you feel great?! Each time you wear it, you feel confident! When you wear your favorite outfit, you don't second guess whether or not it is right for you; you just know it.

Picking out the outfit that is perfect for you is a lot like picking out the people you surround yourself with on a daily basis. People are a reflection of who you are. Some people are like the clothes we buy, but don't like. For example, let's say you hang out with a large group of people. In the group, you really only like 1 or 2 people. You would be thrilled if the other people went away. The 1 or 2 people you like are the tailored clothes that fit you perfectly. You know these people work well with your personality. You could do anything with these people and still have a great time. The majority of people are the ill-fitting clothes or the clothes that don't suit your personality. Some people are like the pair of pants that are a size too small; you think you'll fit into them one day. These people squeeze the life out of you. Other people may look like you (e.g., similar sense of style), but the "it" factor simply isn't there. If money weren't an issue, would you buy the item that is meant for you or buy the item that looks good, but doesn't look right on you?

If you surround yourself with ill-fitting people, you will never be fully satisfied. Surround yourself with people who work. You can't explain how or why, but it just does. The people who fit like a perfectly tailored outfit are the ones who will bring the most satisfaction and happiness to your life.

Do You See What I See?

When you look at yourself in the mirror, who do you see? How do you see yourself? Do you degrade yourself or pay attention to what you like best about you? I can't say this with 100% certainty, but I think it's safe to say that people use mirrors as a way to fix themselves. Some people need to fix their hair, some examine their outfits and fix it for the day, and others dissect their bodies and determine everything that needs to be fixed.

I know you look at yourself each day, but do you really know what you look like? Really, do you know? I used to know how I looked. I am notorious for looking in mirrors. How could I not identify what I look like? I spend ample time examining my own appearance.

Last week, I heard an impromptu speech about people looking at themselves. The person who spoke recently went on a trip overseas. In Tanzania, she took pictures of a few kids. At first, they were curious. Then, one kid walked over and looked at the picture on her camera. Before she knew it, 10 kids were surrounding her camera. They smiled, chucked, giggled, and laughed. For the first time, they saw what they looked like. It was a pure and precious moment.

Another example that comes to my mind is the Dove commercial I saw a while back. It was the commercial where the FBI gentleman drew the women based on the way they described themselves and then drew the woman based on someone else's description. The result was that other people think more positively about one's appearance than the person him or herself.

When you look at yourself, you may become your harshest critic. Stop being so hard on yourself. See yourself through someone else's eyes. It may be difficult at first, but if you look at yourself as if someone else is looking at you, then you may giggle and smile, just like the kids in Tanzania.

I Dreamed a Dream

Have you ever had a moment when you felt like you were having an outer body experience? It's as if something happened to you, but it almost doesn't seem real. Afterwards, you stop back to think about it and realize that it is real. Do your thoughts drive you crazy? Are you dizzy? I wouldn't be surprised if you were.

Some days, I feel like I have an outer body experience (figuratively speaking, of course). I often find myself wondering how I think of ideas and develop conceptualizations about the world around me. Recently, I thought about managing all of my priorities without having issues. It was an awesome experience. I had a plethora of energy, was consistently organized, and somehow had time to eat ice cream at the end of each day. Isn't interesting how dreams aren't always symbolic of reality? When I woke up, I was exhausted, lethargic, and was almost overwhelmed.

I've heard many times that dreams and outer body experiences are trying to communicate a message to me. Sometimes, I think it's horse rubbish. Then I think about what's currently happening in my life. I recently started working again while managing all of my extra curricular professional responsibilites and family obligations. In my dreams and outer body experience, it was the exact opposite of how I currently feel. Why did I think of the opposing feeling? Was my mind trying to communicate something else to me?

When I dreamed my dream, it was amazing. I felt like I was on top of the world. Right now, I am trying to manage the intricite details of my day-to-day life. I am not sure what my outer body experience was trying to communicate, but I could speculate what it may be. It may have told me that I need to take some time for myself and relax. What if my body told me that everything will be okay and I just need to readjust to my new schedule?

I will never fully understand what my outer body experience meant, but I do know that it was trying to communicate a message to me. Each time I listen to what my body says, I get the results I seek. What does an outer body experience have to do with becoming a confident, self-sufficient person? The answer is simple: everything! People who are confident have learned to trust themselves. They know to listen to their thoughts when they happen (aka gut instinct). When you trust in yourself, your dreams,and  outer body experiences, you will make decisions that will impact the rest of your life.

Be Better Than Average

When you look around, who do you see? When I say the word surrounding, I don't mean your current  surroundings. I am referring to the surroundings of your life. Who surrounds you? Do your surroundings consists of positive, uplifting people who encourage and support everything you do? Are the people in your life sad and want to bring you down to their level? Are you surrounded by people who thrive to live a life full of mediocrity? Who surrounds you?

Growing up, I wasn't surrounded by the best people I could be. I had a loving mother who would do anything she could for me. I couldn't ask for a better mom. With the exception of her and a couple family members, the majority of people in my life did not support me. This includes, but are not limited to teachers, counselors, mentors, family members, friends, peers, students, coworkers, bosses, and romantic dating partners.

Many people from my past tried to keep me from achieving the things I wanted to. These people thought the best way to live life was to settle for average. It was okay to perform at the level everyone else did. Being an over-achiever was looked down upon. When I consistently perform well, it has been seen as me being too competitive. Most people thought that I should lower my expectations. In my heart, I knew this was wrong. I've always been a go-getter. When you think about the people who love to accomplish a lot, that's me. When most of my friends and family members were B and C students, I was the A student. Have these people ever impacted the decisions I've made? Yes, they have. I am not proud of it. The times they did were not an accurate reflection of me, but I still chose to lower my standards.

Overtime, I've had to clean shop. I've learned to take mediocrity with a grain of salt. When I fall asleep at night, mediocrity is not on my mind. What's on my mind are what I accomplished for the day and the people I love. If you remember one thing, remember this: You cannot control who comes into your life, but you can control how you act and react to them.

Quote Your Life

When's the last time you logged onto a social media networking website? After you logged on, how long did it take before you noticed an inspirational quote? My guess is that it didn't take a long time. We all know that person who lives through quotes. Sometimes, it can seem like quote overkill. If you don't know what I mean, log onto Facebook and look at the home page.

Sometimes, quotes have fulfilling meanings. However, when too many are posted, they become meaningless. If quote overhaul happens to you, here is what I want you to do. Log off of all social media sites and breathe.

After you breathe, have a seat and think about your life. If there was one quote that summed up your life, what would it be? If you are undecided between two quotes, choose the one that resonates with you more. When you discover it, live by your quote. After, post your infamous quote. Below it, write: If there was only one quote that represented who you are or what you stand for, what would it be?

Challenging these people to think their lives in one statement can be mind blowing. I can't say quoteaholics will be cured overnight, but, hopefully, it will reframe how they view posting quotes and how they view their lives.

Out of every quote I've seen, one takes the cake. I found it on a fortune cookie and it has stuck with it. "If you talk, you repeat what you know. If you listen, you learn." -Anonymous

Inspiration for your quote can come from anywhere or anyone. Find the quote that is true to you and live by it. When you do this, it will inspire other people to find their quote. My hope is that quotes will no longer be abused and misused.

Tonight's Gonna be a Good Night.....

When you read the title of this week's blog, did the Blackeyed Peas appear in your mind? The group did for me. Their songs are catchy and have repetitive lyrics. You may or may not be a fan of this musical group, but it's easy to recognize one of their chart toppers. Each song has a unique melodic and harmonic combination that can annoy some and draw other people in. I am not a fan of this group, but, once in a while, an aspect of a song will touch me.

The title of the blog is a lyric from a popular song by the group. In this song, there are many messages that can be interpreted. One message I interpreted is that I should take time to just have fun. It may seem obvious, but it means more to me than that.

I am known for being on the go constantly. I enjoy taking on many projects that are due at the same time. It's a sick pleasure knowing that I can conquer anything I set my mind to. Sometimes, I become so focused that I forget to stop and enjoy life. People have told me to relax and stop doing anything for 30 seconds. It's been difficult to wrap my head around this concept, but I know it is good for me.

If you know of someone who doesn't stop, tell them this:
Whatever you're working on is not going away. If you continue to work on it, then you will stress yourself out. Take a moment or two to just enjoy life. When you go back to your work, you will be refreshed and have a clear mind.

If you are like me, please listen to me:
If you are not capable of stopping yourself from taking on a lot, trust someone to tell you when to stop. The person you trust will have your best interest at heart. If you trust the person to help you, then you will be helping yourself. I cannot speak for every person, but I know that stopping for a little bit has been helpful in my personal growth.

Life's too short to get wrapped up in every detail of life. When you feel overwhelmed, remember to stop:
S-Slow down
T-Take a moment to breathe
O-Optimize and seize the wonderful moment
P-Press play again

Job Fair....Beware!

How many articles have you read about job fairs? Most people I know have read at least one article. When you think of job fair articles, what comes to your mind? Most people will look up articles that focus on navigating a job fair, how to answer interview questions, and so forth. Let's put this aside for a second. Have you questioned the scandalous tactics that are implemented? Most people don't. Why bother questioning an event that has merit. It's legally publicized, legitimate employers are present, and people are dressed in professional attire. At job fairs, people are so eager to be successful that they forget to think. When I say think, I don't mean not using your noggin. I am referring to conducting research about the actual job fair.

I used to be naive. I had my list of employers in mind, dressed to impress, and was ready to win over my future coworkers. About two years ago, I was blind-sighted. I was persuaded to work for a company that scammed people for a living. I felt deceived and confused. I went home after my discovery and tried to find articles about scandalous tactics employed at job fairs and found none. As a person who is committed to helping other people, I want to help you. Here is a list of things I'd like for you to watch out for at your next job fair:

-Is the employer scheduled to be at the job fair? Every job fair will provide a list with every employer who is scheduled to attend. If you come across an employer that is not scheduled to be at the job fair, run away!

-Does the employer specifically state that they’re only looking for the best and most qualified candidates? If an employer tells you this, chances are that they are looking for anyone as long as they’re 18 years or older and they passed the background check.

-Does the employer give you a vague job description? If an employer is legitimate, they will give you some guidelines. They won’t share everything, but you should have a good understanding of what you’d be getting yourself into.

-Does the employer ask for your social security number, bank account information, or any other personal information in addition to what's listed on your resume? Run far, far away! You should never give this information to anyone at a job fair.

-Does the employer require you to pay any money before you start working for them? This one can be tricky. Some jobs require you to pay for licensure depending on the industry you work in. If you start your own business, it is expected to pay some money. If they ask you to pay for your background check or pay any money right after you accepted a job offer, decline the job offer. You should not have to pay to work for someone.

-Does the employer tell you that they hire people over the phone? If so, run away! A legitimate employer will hire you only in person.

-If an employer doesn’t want your resume, don’t give them anymore of your time. Legitimate employers want to see who they’re hiring. Sometimes, employers get busy and don’t always look over your resume before the interview, but at least they want to see what your qualifications are.

-The last point seems more like common sense, but I cannot emphasize how true this is: is it too good to be true? Does the employer guarantee that you will get rich quick? Do they tell you that you only have to contribute so many hours as a part-time employee? Do they tell you that you have to ability to control your future? If this is the case, you do not want to invest any time into the company.

This is not meant to be a comprehensive list. It is a guiding tool that I created to help you. I wish you much success at your next job fair.

To be Great is to be Grateful

When you look around you, do you take what you have for granted? The natural reaction is probably no. I want you to really think about it. Do you like the car you drive? Are you happy with your body weight? Did you go to work today? These may seem like simple questions to answer, but they test motives and what we value.

This morning, I went to visit my mom for a little bit. Our conversation started as it always does. Questions pertaining to Toastmasters, preparing for teaching in the fall, and about my every day life emerged. Out of no where, she disclosed a shocking detail to me. A couple my mom's family have known for years lost everything in a house fire. Imagine working all of your life for the things you've wanted and needed. One day, it's all gone. Homeowners insurance can cover partial damage, but it cannot replace memories, photographs, personal items close to your heart, and pets. 

After she disclosed this to me, it made me realize how grateful I am for everything I have in my life. I will admit that I sometimes look at life from a negative angle. For example, I am waiting for the school year to begin. Once it begins, I will bring in an income again. At the moment, I impatiently wait for the start of the new year. However, I know that a job does await me. I have to practice patience. 

At this moment, I think about the moment my mom and I were in the same room together. That's a precious moment. I will never get that moment back. I could lose her at any time. I don't want to think about that right now. At some point, it will be a reality.

What I am saying is that it is important to be grateful for everything you have. It may seem like a tiny sprinkle on top of a giant cake, but that tiny sprinkle has meaning. Enjoy it. In fact, savor it. Time will only tell when that moment will be over.

Recognize Greatness

Do you set goals for yourself? If so, how large or small do they seem? How long will it take to achieve them? When you achieve your goals, how do you feel afterwards? Do you feel proud? What happens when others don't recognize them? How does it make you feel? You may be the type of person who doesn't need approval from others to feel worthy or the type of person who needs to hear kind words from other people when you achieve greatness. If you crave recognition, or know of someone who does, then stay tuned.

Let's take a look at me. I've always been a goal setter and goal achiever. When I achieve one goal, I will set the next one and achieve it. Each time I achieve my goals, it's a mini victory for me. However, the victory doesn't always seem victorious. When I achieve a goal, I want my accomplishment to be recognized by other people. Unfortunately, more times than not, this doesn't happen. If you can relate to me, then you know how upsetting this is. However, I've learned a few things and would like to share them with you. This is not a comprehensive list. These are themes that have come up in my life:

-No one will ever be prouder of your accomplishments than you. You spend so much time following through on your goals. Unless someone is empathetically connected with you, then don't expect others to be as proud as you.

-There are the occasional jealous people who do see your greatness. They will purposely try to bring you down because they want what you have. If this happens, avoid these people as much as you can.

-There are people who do see greatness, but won't give recognition because they think you hear it all the time.

-Don't achieve goals solely for external recognition. If you crave recognition because of insecurities, I recommend working on improving your overall wellness. I say this because I've had to work on this. 

Keeping these things in mind, here's what I want you to take away from this list. If you don't need to be recognized, know that there are people who do. Simply saying "Congratulations" can do wonders to one's self-confidence. Recognition Kings and Queens, please listen to this carefully: You are amazing. Everything you do is worth recognizing as greatness. You are worthy of everything you've ever accomplished in your life. Please see it in yourself. Recognize your own greatness. When you do, you will become a happy, self-sufficient, and confident person.

Give a Little, Give a Lot

Let's take a trip down memory lane. Think back to your high school and/or college days. When you were in school, did you strive to achieve certain goals? Did you want to be the star athlete? Would it make you happy to become Class President or Homecoming Queen? How bad did you want to achieve your goals? If it's a goal you set, then you probably wanted to conquer it. When it was time to conquer, did you follow through? Really, did you truly put your foot down and give it your all?

If you're having a difficult time answering my questions, let me help you. When I was in high school, I secretly wanted to run for Class President. Did I go for it? Nope! Why? It was my fear of being told no and because I wasn't popular. In college, I wanted to train for the Miss America pageant. Did I go through with it? Nope! Why? I didn't think I was pretty enough, fit enough, or intelligent enough. I was capable of being trained, but I didn't think anyone would support such an endeavor. Post graduate school, I had the opportunity to teach English in China. It was an all expenses paid trip. All I had to cover was my personal expenses. Did I take the opportunity? Nope! Why? I let someone's opinion of the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity impact my decision. I didn't try to go through with it after hearing his opinion. 

In the examples I mentioned in the previous paragraph, I wanted to achieve my goals, but I didn't even try. I allowed the opinions of others to affect my self-concept, which contributed to me giving no effort to achieving my goals. Had I gave even a little bit, I would have known whether or not I was cut out to achieve my goals. I don't regret any decision I've made in my life. The decisions I've made have impacted who I am today.

I am a stronger person now than I was in the past. If I want to achieve something, I give everything I have in me to achieve my goals. There are still situations that scare me and make me question whether or not I am worthy of achieving a goal. When this happens, I will give a little bit. After that, I will give a little more. Eventually, I will achieve them.

The moral of the story is to try. When you want to tackle a goal, regardless of the size, give a little effort. Each time you give a little effort, it becomes easier to give more effort. Eventually, you will give a lot. You will get what you put into achieving your goals. Goals may not be achieved the first time, but no one can ever say that you didn't give. 

Make Today Count

Hold your breath for 10 seconds. After 10 seconds, release. What did you think when you held your breath? If you're like me, you may have counted down the number of seconds in your head. It's as if you knew you would stop holding your breath and would start to breath normal again. When you held your breath, did you think about the possibility of not breathing again?

How many times have you uttered comments that involve doing something tomorrow, planning for the future, or telling someone that you will see s/he later? If you really think about it, it probably happens more often than you realize. It seems normal to talk about the future, as if we know it will happen. What if the future doesn't happen? What happens if life flashes before our eyes and we don't realize it?

As scary as it may seem, there is no guarantee that you will live tomorrow. As humans, we rationalize our lives based on factors we can or cannot control. For example, genetically, people live to be in their 90s in my family. I don't smoke cigarettes, use illegal substances, rarely drink alcohol, and don't eat too many foods that aren't good for me. I don't participate in wild activities and am cautious about the decisions I make. Based on this information, it is probable that I will live to see tomorrow. Even then, there is no guarantee I will.

Each day, people pass away unexpectedly, watch life through a camera lens, or spend all their time planning for the days ahead. Before they realize it, life has passed by at the speed of lightening. At this point, people may live with regret or look back and wished they had lived a different life.

You don't have to take today for granted. It is important to be a responsible adult, but sometimes it is necessary to smell the flowers and enjoy the moment. The moment will not last forever, but the moment will shape the rest of your life.

What Motivates You?

When you wake up, do you have a purpose for living? At night, do you look back at your day and feel good about what you've accomplished? For some, these questions are easy to answer; other people have no idea. If you don't know how to answer these questions, please listen to me. Do not panic. Panicking leads to unnecessary stress and takes a person back to square one. I know it's easier said than done. The panic normally comes from not knowing your true motivation or purpose in life. If you are in this situation, then I am here to let you know that everything will be okay. I didn't understand why I do the things I do for a long time.

I used to be the person who had no idea why I was put on Earth. On a daily basis, I went through the motion of existing, but had no idea what motivated me to live. Recently, it hit me. I don't know how or why, but it just happened. I've realized that my purpose in life is to give to other people. I know, giving is such a generic term. How could I be fulfilled by the concept of giving? It's simple: making other people happy and fulfilled makes me happy.

Looking back at my life, I've had a knack for helping people. As an undergraduate student, I gave over 700 hours of my time to a service learning program; I only account for logged hours. In graduate school, I taught the public speaking course and was a Teaching Assistant for Intercultural Communication. For 5 summers, I volunteered at a summer program designed to help youth understand American government and what it means to be an engaged citizen. After school, I brought my expertise to Toastmasters International. For me, I like to give by helping other people through mentoring, teaching, coaching, and counseling.

When I wake up each day, I know that my purpose is to help other people. It makes me feel good to know that I made someone's day better. At night, I feel good about my accomplishments. Through the years, I have received recognition for my accomplishments, but that's not important. What's important is that I am selfless when I give to other people. If you cannot think of your life purpose, think about what motivates you to succeed, your family, or anything/anyone who inspires you to be a better person. Deep inside, each person has a source of inspiration. It's time to unlock your purpose.

Challenge your Attitude

Who is your worst and harshest critic? I've asked this question to many people. Most of the time, people will say they are their own worst critic. They will pick themselves apart to the point where they degrade who they are at the core. These people wouldn't think to do this to other people because it's not nice. If it's not nice to degrade other people, then why is it okay to degrade you?

I will admit that I have degraded myself in the past. There have been times when I am my own worst enemy. For example, there are days when I wonder if I am capable of doing more than ringing at a register and cleaning restrooms at the end of each work shift. In my heart, I know I can do so much more. All I have to do is look at my track record; that speaks for itself. Even then, I overlook what I can do and focus on what I cannot do.

Getting rid of the voices in my head has been a battle. For so long, I have been consumed with others' perceptions of me. I identified my own identity based on how others viewed me. A couple months ago, I was inspired by a presentation that focused on overcoming the voices in your head. In this presentation, Ed Tate, 2000 World Champion of Public Speaking, says that the best way to overcome the voices is to shift mindset. Instead of looking at your negative qualities, look at the positive qualities.

This message hit a home run in my heart. It made me realize that I have beaten myself up so much that I didn't know how to look at myself in a positive way. If you're like me, then you may be wondering how you can overcome the negative voices in your head. I cannot speak for every person, but I will tell you how I am overcoming them. 1) I am getting rid of negative people who bring me down. It is not easy, but it releases the toxic energy. 2) I am trusting in people who have my best interest at heart. These people have brought me up when I try to bring myself down. They will not let me beat myself up internally. 3) I am putting myself through the self-discovery process. As strange as it sounds, taking various personality assessments and looking at my natural, innate strengths has helped to put myself into perspective.

For so long, negative self-talk has prevented me from achieving my goals. Now, I am proactive in changing this. I hope my story inspires you to take control of your life and you become kind to you.

Trash the Toxic

Do you know of someone who drains your energy? Does this person cause you unnecessary drama? When you are finished hanging out with this person, do you feel drained and worn out? If you are, then you know how exhausting it can be to have this type of person in your life; this is the description I would use to describe a toxic person.

You may be wondering why toxic people enter into your life. Sometimes, you wonder how life would be better if the toxic person would just go away. Sometimes, the toxic person cannot go away. For example, you may work with  toxic coworker. This person brings everyone in the office down. It could be the family member that no one wants to be around, but no one will say anything for fear of causing World War III. In these types of situations, it is best to distance yourself as much as possible. Remind yourself of why you are wonderful and focus on what you can control.

What about your friends? You can control who you choose to be friends with each day. As you get older, you realize that you and your friends have different priorities and agendas. What happens if your friend  becomes a toxic person? Do you keep the friend in your life simply because of past history? Should you get rid of the friend? I cannot answer this question for you because it is you life.

To help you make the best decision for you, ask yourself these kinds of questions: Does your friend cause or attract more drama than you can handle? When you need help, will your friend be there for you? If your friend has a significant other, does your friend regard your feelings about appropriate levels of PDA? At the end of the day, does your friend rejuvenate you or do you feel frustrated? Above all, what does your gut instinct tell you?

If you decide that it is time to get rid of the toxic friend (or other toxic person), end the relationship sooner rather than later. The longer you wait, the harder it will be. Unfortunately, the person may be going through tough times. In this case, you should be the judge of the right cut off time. It will be difficult at first. You may go through the grieving process and wonder so many things about the former relationship. At the end of the day, do what's best for you and your health. If you get rid of the toxic people now, you will feel refreshed and happier in the end.

Walk a Mile in My Shoes

How many times have you heard someone say that s/he doesn't want to be judged and wants to be loved for who s/he is as a person? Have you ever been judged for anything? Chances are, you have been. People are judged constantly. Some choose to be judged in pageants, speech contests, and in athletic events. In these situations, people are typically judged based on talents, skills, and abilities. When people leave the socially acceptable judgment zone, it gets tricky.

Do you like to be judged? Have you been judged because of external situations that do not define who you are as a person? Does it annoy you when people become hypocritical? Are you guilty of being hypocritical?

There are those who take what they see at face value. These people will judge the value of a person based on hair color, clothing, favorite movie, living circumstances, and education. However, in order to become better, it's time to start being speculative. Ponder and question the world around you. Sometimes, what you see is not what you get. There may be times when a situation seems sticky and the person in the situation is caught in a catch 22. However, if you took the time to get to know the person for who s/he is, would your perception change?

I am not asking you to change your opinion, attitudes, and beliefs. All I am asking you to do is challenge what you know. When you challenge what you know, you just may surprise yourself in the best way. If you need a source of motivation, remember the timeless saying, "Walk a mile in my shoes."

V is the Key

How's your day going? Is your day good, bad, so-so, wonderful, terrible, or fantastic? These are common words people use to describe your day. What if you could have a better day? Even better, what if you could have a better life? It is possible to have a better life. How is this possible? It starts with you. 

In order to have a better life, start focusing on the V word. The V word is victorious. Even if the world seems like it is against you, you can still be on top of the world. You may be thinking how this is possible to obtain. In order to be victorious, you must be vulnerable. 

Vulnerability is a scary concept. To be vulnerable means to trust others and let people into your life. It means discussing things that are past the surface level. It requires you to confront issues that scare you, issues that and people who have hurt you in the past, and let yourself go. You may think you're showing signs of weakness and that people will use your weaknesses against you. If this is the case, then don't be vulnerable in front of these people. All it takes is one person. One person can be the shoulder you cry on when you feel the weakest. Heck, the person may help you wipe away the tears. You will know you're safe being vulnerable when you let everything inside of you out and feel like you've conquered the world.

After you let yourself be vulnerable and allow yourself to love and be loved, that's when true victory begins. To be victorious means that you have allowed yourself to open your soul and realize that everything will be okay. Once you have obtained the key, your life will be victorious every day. 

Never Have a Bad Day

Have you ever had a bad day? It's the kind of day when you spill coffee on your light khaki pants right before a job interview, you get a flat tire on the way home from work, or your screaming child caused you to get kicked out of the restaurant. Whatever it may be, the bad days seem to take their toll after a while. Ideally, everyone would like to have a good day, every day.

What if you could have a good day, every day? You're probably laughing at me in disbelief. How can this be possible? Life has a way of throwing curve balls and lemons at the worst times. I understand that unfortunate events will happen. These events happen to everyone.

Up to this point, it seems as if there's a constant push and pull between good days and bad ones, almost as if it were a black and white concept. Therein lies the problem. Good days and bad days aren't polar opposites. Looking at the days as if they're polar opposites is making the assumption that nothing in life is good when you have a bad day. Sure, bad things will happen, but they are obstacles that happen within a good day.

Instead of viewing life in terms of the good versus bad, only think of your day as a good day. As Ed Tate, 2000 World Champion of Public Speaking, would say, "reset the scale; reset your life." Instead of looking at your life as good (positives) versus bad (negatives), create a positive scale that starts at 1. There is nothing less than zero. Zero implies that you're not physically living. Measure your good days on a scale of 1-10. The bad things can impact your good scale, but there will always be something in your life that makes your day a good day. Heck, if you want to call it a fantastic, marvelous, or outstanding day, then do it. It's your scale.

When you reframe how you view your day, it shifts life perspective, which will allow you to have a good day, every day.

Bury Yourself

Have you looked back at your past and wonder what went wrong? Do you resent certain people because of things they've done or have said to you? Does the hurt of yesterday still affect you today? If so, you are not alone. To a degree, everyone has something from his or her past that still strikes a bad chord. The bad chord can take form in the form of divorce, losing a job, having a major blowout with a friend, etc. Due to the dramatic nature and knowing that the past is part of your personal identity, it can be hard to let go of the past and move on with your life.

When the bad chord strikes, people will probably makes these types of comments: "The past is done. Move on already." "That event happened how many years ago?! You should be over it by now." "Aren't you a little too old to be mad about ______?" When these types of comments are made, do they make you feel angry? If so, then there's a valid reason for it. It's saying that your feelings are invalid and that part of your identity should be deleted. It makes you feel less than human.

You may or may not know this, but I give speeches as a hobby. I want to learn all I can about becoming an amazing public speaker. In learning this art, I like to learn from the best speakers. Recently, I watched the 2012 World Champion of Public Speaking contest video. A finalist, Diane Parker, gave a speech that struck a good chord with me. I was inspired by her stories and her ability to tell a story.

In Diane's speech, she conducted a funeral service of her past. Yes, I am serious. She went through the entire funeral service in 5-7 minutes. In her past, she's been hurt, traumatized, and shocked; yet, there she stood. Even though she has been through terrible experiences, she didn't make excuses for them. She decided to bury them. Her experiences make her who she is today, but she does not disregard them. Instead, she put them to rest and started a new life. Essentially, she was reborn.

We've all been through experiences that have not been pleasant. Some of the experiences have been life changing or life altering. Instead of letting these experiences continue to emerge like the ghost of Christmas past, lay them to rest, and let yourself be free.

Where's the....Respect?!

When you think of the word respect, what comes to your mind? When I think of it, the words esteem and regard come to my mind. Typically, when someone respects another person, it means that the person has high levels of awareness of other people, is considerate of different situations, and has proven his or her worth to be respected. Put simply, respect is earned and not assumed. Does this description sound ideal to you? I hope it does to some degree.

Unfortunately, what I've stated above is not always the case for some people. For example, when someone obtains a position of authority, the word respect can turn into a slippery slope. In a position of authority, a person has the power to control certain situations and the outcome of situations for those who work beneath.  Instead of earning respect based on one's ability to lead people and show them the way to victory, the person uses the power to his or her advantage and makes life difficult for the followers. Then, this is the same person who "demands respect" because of a position title.

In the workplace, it is easier to see when someone does or does not earn respect. What about our every day lives outside of work? If you have little money and are unable to participate in certain activities, does a friend continue to egg on a situation or will the friend drop it? Do you have a friend who expects you to always come to him or her, but that person will never come to you and make an excuse for it? If you chose to major in a discipline because you love it, does the family member respect the decision you've made or does s/he make you feel guilty because it doesn't have the potential to bring in a lot of money?

Regardless of context or situation, think about the situations in your life. Do you think you receive respect? If so, do you receive it because you truly deserve it? If you truly don't deserve it, contemplate on what that may be the case. Is there something you need to do to change your situation? If you earn respect because you truly deserve it, then I applaud you. As humans, we are all imperfect. However, now is the time to become better than ever.

How to Find Hope

In life, we come across situations that make our lives seem impossible. These situations attempt to prevent us from having hope in our lives. Why does this happen? Is there anything you can do to change this? To answer these questions, I'd like to share information from a book titled What Color is Your Parachute? by Bolles. I mentioned this book in a previous blog. I think this book has powerful information that can help anyone through any situation.

Why do impossible situations happen? Bolles argues that this happens because we don't have a plan. Without a plan of action to overcome situations, then we focus on the past instead of the future. However, you have the power to change the impossible to possible.

In order to find hope, four things must happen. These things are as follows:

1) "Have more than one plan. You should decide upon two careers, train for two different jobs, secure two job offers, etc. You can certainly increase the number." The point he's making is to not put your eggs into one basket. It can prove to be worthwhile.

2) "Find something that is within your control and work on it. Life presents challenges and obstacles that are beyond our control. We may feel helpless and think life is out to get us. There is always something we can control, even if it's one percent."

3) "Things that happen to us have meaning. Life isn't senseless and meaningless. Even if you don't know the meaning to different situations, knowing there is meaning somewhere along the way makes us stronger."

4) "Look at an issue from a different angle. Have a critical mind and learn to ask the right questions."

I cannot guarantee that these tips will make life seem like a breeze. However, if you make a good effort to use them in your life, I think you will find life to be easier to manage.

The Power of the Pessimist

Every day is a new day. We open our eyes, get out of bed, and accomplish what we set out to do. Some days, we accomplish everything on the "to do" list. Other days, everything that could possibly go wrong actually goes wrong. When things go wrong, it can be difficult to find the ray of light in the midst of dark, gloomy clouds. Getting out of that funk can be as daunting as facing your biggest fear. Okay, okay. This may or may not sound like you. If it does sound like you, then you can relate to me. If it doesn't, then you may know of someone who is....hold your breath....a pessimist! Oh no! The dreaded P word has been spoken.

The power of pessimism can be powerful. Pessimists has an innate ability to make someone's happy go lucky day the worst day ever. If you want to feel bad about your life, just talk to the pessimist. Don't depend on a pessimist to cheer you up because it will be an act. When the pessimist is optimistic, s/he is in a happy mood. However, if you trigger something in a pessimist, then that happy mood will go away.

Don't you just love hearing about pessimistic qualities that we, as a society, are accustomed to hearing? Have you ever wondered if you can make a pessimist an optimist? A pessimist can, and probably does, have optimistic moments. However, the likelihood of turning a pessimist into a true optimist will never happen. I think grumpy kitty would give you a run for your money. 

At this point, you may be wondering what purpose(s) pessimists serve.  As I stated earlier, pessimism can be powerful. A pessimist has a tendency to be curious and investigative. These people typically don't take things at face value; be prepared to be questioned. If an idea sounds terrific, the pessimist will inform others about the consequences of actions, provide insight as to why a plan needs to be investigated further, and will caution others when necessary. If a plan falls through, the pessimist already planned for the worst; s/he is able to recover quicker than an optimist. The pessimist knows that life is much more than a fairy tale. Sure, they think of fairy tale concepts, but they typically don't rely on them.

What is the best part about being a pessimist? You have the power to pleasantly surprise them. If they are pleasantly surprised, then an inch of optimism will make its way into their lives (they like this). 

Know Thyself

What are your strengths? How do you make decisions? What motivates you? Do these questions sound familiar to you? If so, then you may know why I ask these questions. If not, then I will fill you in. At job interviews, on dates, and others occasions that require you to answer these questions, we, as a society, may spend ample time trying to figure out the answers. It should be the easiest question, but it seems like people struggle to find the words.

Why do people struggle? To be honest, I don't have a definitive answer. However, I do know one thing. Why do you think people value critical and analytical thinking skills?! Many people have a difficult time figuring out something when it's not obvious. It must be spelled out; the guess work must go away.

Think about it, if the words were written out, in front of people, to describe who they are, then it would make sense. Those words would somehow resonate meaning would be developed. How does this happen? Do you ask someone else to describe you? Perhaps, but you may not like what you hear. You may get the wrong answer and develop thoughts that aren't true to you.

Recently, I've clicked away to the path of self-discovery. I was tired of trying to figure out who I am and getting no where. After hours of clicking, I have seen assessment tools that tried to tell me who I am, but I still wasn't satisfied.What I needed were assessment tools to help me figure out my natural, innate strengths. This is not to be confused with perceived strengths that society dictates. When you know your strengths, you develop a deeper understanding of you, how you lead, and make decisions.

There are two assessments I highly recommend. The first one is an activity that comes out of Jay Niblick's book titled What's Your Genius? In this book, he will coach you on finding your natural talents. There's a series of activities that you will complete online. After completing these, you will use them to progress through the book. I think all activities are important, but the one I was most impressed with was number three. Once you complete it, you should receive the results in two weeks. http://workbook.whatsyourgenius.com/users/login Click on the link, create a free account, and you will have access to the activities.

The other assessment tool I recommend is this: http://freestrengthsfinder.workuno.com/1-free-strengthsfinder-test.html This assessment tool will assess you based on 34 different natural, innate strengths. After you complete it, the results will be available right away. the 34 strengths will be listed in your best order.

After completing these assessments, you may be wondering what the next step is. After you receive your results, take a good look at your entire life. Look at every job you've held, every leadership opportunity, family dynamics, etc. Based on your strengths, you will see a pattern. Once the pattern becomes obvious, you will be able to start focusing your entire life on your strengths and not rely on events that require you to use your weaknesses.

Honor Your Words

Does it annoy you when someone cannot keep his or her word? When you make plans, does someone cancel on you at the last minute, without proper justification? Do you become agitated when someone makes plans with you, doesn't acknowledge that plans have been made, and makes other ones? If you've experienced what I just mentioned, then you are not alone. 

You may be wondering why people behave this way. The answer is simple: we allow it. I understand that everyone is human; humans do make mistakes. However, think about it. Do you wait for the late person over and over again? More likely than not, you have at one time. If a group member commits to building the PowerPoint but "didn't have time to get to it," would you let the person get away with it? You may not have, but I speculate that others would accept this behavior.

Let's put an end to this problem today. It can go away with a few simple solutions:

1) Confront yourself. Ask yourself if you are notorious for not keeping your word. The first step to solving any problem is admitting you have a problem.

2) If you cannot commit to your words, ask yourself why this is the case. Did you grow up in a family culture that doesn't care about punctuality? Does it give you the control you crave in your life?

3) Implement time management into your life. I cannot speak for each person, but I speculate that those who implement successful time management techniques are usually on time. 

4) Stop tolerating those who are inconsistent. If someone is more than 20 minutes late and has no reason to be, then leave! It's harsh, but the person will know not to be late again. 

5) If you voluntarily surround yourself with people like this, you may need a new social circle. 

If you honor your words, people will trust you. You will become the person who is recognized for following through on assignments and requests. When you honor your words, you gain a sense of self, have a better understanding of how much you can handle in a day, and will gain the respect you deserve.

Is The Grass Really Greener on the Other Side?

How many times per day do you think people complain? If I had to speculate, I'd say the average person complains 20-30 times per day. Please don't hold me to this number. Some complain more and some complain less. My speculation may seem like a large range, but if you break it down, it makes sense. Have you complained about the number of hours you've worked recently? Was the cashier, at the grocery store, rude? Did a driver cut you off because you were driving too slow? Each complaint adds up fast.

If you hold in your feelings, those feelings bottle up; you become frustrated. If you say something too often, people become annoyed and don't want to listen to you anymore. It seems as if there is no correct balance for an acceptable number of complaints. It's really a catch 22.

In all honesty, I think it's normal to complain or vent. Think about it, who prefers to let injustices rule our world? The last time I checked, the answer to this is no one. Complaining isn't necessarily the problem. I think the problem is that people subtly forget to be grateful for what s/he has in life.

When it was 2 degrees outside, did you have heat in your home? Is your house made out of poo? Do you fear for your life each time you take a sip of water? Were you diagnosed with a rare form of cancer that has no cure? If you answered no to every question, then I think you're better off than you think.

As a society, we spend so much time wanting to be on the other side of the grass. What if the other side isn't greener? Would you go back to your current situation? The next time you complain about what's going on around you, ask yourself if your complaint will be relevant tomorrow. How about in a month? In a year? If it's not, then what's the problem?

The point I am making is to make the best with what you have currently. It may not be the ideal situation, but it's the situation that's currently in your lap. If you're unsatisfied to the point where you're no longer happy, then find a way to change it. Regardless of your situation, be grateful for what you have. It could always be worse.

Is "Can't" Your Crutch?

"I can't go to class today. I have a headache." "I want that jacket, but I can't afford it." "I can't complete this assignment because I don't have Internet access at home." Do you know of someone who's declared a similar statement? Have you verbal vomited one of the unmentionables? At one point or another, most people have.

I think people confuse the words can't and able. Can't is when you legitimately cannot do something; it's a handicap. Able means you're capable of doing something, but something could hinder you from achieving a task at hand; this is a disability. For example, Let's say someone is in a wheel chair. In order for this person to get around, things like elevators and wheel chair ramps must be available. If these things are available, the person can still get around. Even though s/he may or may not be able to walk, the resources are available to get around. If the resources are not there and no one will pick the person up, then the person cannot get around.

Keeping that perspective in mind, think back to the unmentionables I mentioned earlier. I hope you see how people use the word can't as a crutch. It's simply an excuse. If you really want to do something, and you had the resources available to make it happen, you would fly to the moon and back. Even if you don't have all the resources you need, you'd still find a way to make something work.

Let's refocus the word can't. Instead of saying you can't do something, say you choose not to do it. Which statement sounds better? A)"I can't afford to buy the iPhone." B)"I choose not to purchase the iPhone." I think statement B sounds better. Statement A implies that you physically do not have the money to buy the iPhone. This could be the case, but it can decrease your level of worth. Statement B implies that you choose how you spend your money. You're asserting will power and control in your life.

You may not always have options available to you. The number of resources you have may be slimmer to that of someone else. Heck, there may be the occasional day when you physically cannot do something. It's perfectly okay. Focus on what you are able to do and stop dwelling on what you can't do.

B-I-N-G-O, Bingo!

Have you played Bingo with 35-40 people over the age of 80? If so, do you remember the experience? If you haven't, then the following statements might help you to understand. "I 25." "What did he say?" "I 25!" "G 60." "I can't hear him." "I wish they'd stop complaining and whining." "Gertrude, look at the letter, then the number." "How did she get Bingo already?! Did he even shuffle the cards?!" "You can't play that Bingo board unless you pay for it." "I never win at this game." "Why does he keep calling all the numbers in the N column?!" "B 10." "I needed B 10, 10 games ago."

Ahh! What a headache. Try sitting through that noisome chatter for 20 minutes; it's exhausting and mentally draining. If you haven't figure it out by now, I played Bingo with this group of people. When I sat in the Bingo room, all I could think about is how almost everyone in the room was depressing and bitter. Specifically, I couldn't figure out why people got mad over something they couldn't control. How was it that a person could complain about a number from 10 games ago?! That game will never come back. What's the point in fussing about it? What's the point in planning for B 10 to be called again?

If you really think about it, life is a lot like a game of Bingo. It's impossible to go back 10 Bingo games to change the outcome. Do people worry about 10 games ago tomorrow? Most likely, the answer is no. In life, we can't change what's happened in the past. Sure, there are experiences we would like to hold onto forever and some we can't overcome. Regardless, what's done is done. The future holds more opportunities.

In Bingo, it's difficult to plan strategic moves. During the game, the only thing that can be controlled is what you mark on your board. We can't control the way the cards are shuffled, the other players, the other Bingo cards, etc. In life, we cannot control what other people do and say, the elements in mother nature, and so forth. However, you can look at your own life; focus on what you can control, today. A degree of planning is necessary for the future, but, sometimes, the best moments are the ones that happen now.

The next time you find yourself worrying excessively about the past, or the future, think of now. Will the decisions I make now make me a better person tomorrow? Have I done enough today to make my family proud? Did I accomplish everything on my to-do list today? If you start thinking about your life as if it were a game of Bingo, then you may be the next lucky person to yell BINGO!

Have a 5 Star Day!

When you look for a new restaurant to try, hotel to stay in, or look at company ratings, which areas would you explore? One place I will look at is the rating of the establishment. The establishment will be rated out of five stars, five being the best rating. When a business, product, or other reviewed product or service receives a high star markup, taking a chance on it is favorable. If you see a low star rating, would you run for the hills? 

What about you? What is your star rating? If it's anything below a five (5), would you run from you? The last time I checked, it's impossible to run away from yourself. Since it's impossible, instead of focusing on why you are not a 5 star rating, let's refocus your thoughts.

To demonstrate how to evaluate your 5 star day, I would like for you to examine the following areas in your life (one star per dimension): physical, emotional, spiritual, intellectual, and social. If you didn't catch on to what I just listed, these are 5 main dimensions of wellness. Each dimension focuses on a different aspect of your life, hence the 5 star day.

Dig deep and be honest with yourself. Out of 5 stars, how would you truly rate yourself? If your total is less than a 5, then look at your life and determine what you need to change in order to get there. It may happen overnight; it may take a while. It's never too late to begin.

After you've determined where you stand, regardless of current star rating, here is what I would like for you to do. Each night, before you go to bed, write one positive thing about your day for each dimension of wellness (in bold above). For example, did you attend the dreaded networking event? Were you pleasantly surprised with a grade you received on an assignment? Have you achieved your fitness goal for the day? 

If you do this every day, you will begin to see a change in your mindset. I challenge you to do this activity for one calendar year. If you are a 5 star rating now, will you maintain that a year from now? If you need to set goals and achieve them, will you become a 5 star rating? When you think of yourself as a 5 star rating, you will have a 5 star day!

Dare to be Different

When I was put onto Earth, I was born with a genetic makeup. My genetic makeup determined the color of my eyes, weight, possible illnesses and diseases that could be passed down to me, and so forth. Some days, I think I am blessed  because I do not have major health related issues to deal with on a daily basis. Other days, I wonder how I ended up the way I am.

Growing up, I used my genetic makeup as a crutch; I didn't fit in a particular social clique. My attempt to try and solve this issue was to become actively involved in extra curricular activities. In high school and college, I was involved in service-learning and volunteering groups, wellness groups, groups for "smart" people, and communications related activities. I competed in a pageant 4 times; I didn't make it past round one. I also rushed for sorority; I was the only person in my bid class who didn't receive a bid.

For the longest time, I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I blamed my genetic makeup for having the inability to fit in. Did I inherit my mom's trait of being too helpful? Was it my grandmas's overly critical mind? How about my dad's ability to shut someone out of his life when he's had enough? I spent so many years blaming my family dynamic. I could not figure out why I never fit in anywhere.

One day, 2 of my aunts and I were discussing our family dynamic. During the conversation, one aunt mentioned how, in my family, people follow the beat of his or her own drummer. After hearing that statement, it became clear. My genetic makeup had nothing to do with not fitting in. I grew up in a family where being different was normal. The focus was not on surrounding myself with large numbers of people; it was about surrounding myself with quality people who like me for me.

After that day, I take pride in being different. I am not ashamed to be a kid at heart; it maintains my youth and energy. I am not labeled into a category; it allows me to define myself and to step out of my comfort zone when other people will not. Being myself has opened my soul and I am no longer held down by my internal ball and chain. To this day, I wonder if being different is genetic to some degree. All I know is that at the end of each day, I can honestly say that I remain true to who I am.

Become a "Perfect 10"

How many times have you heard the phrase "S/he's a perfect 10!" uttered? If you've heard it as many times as I have, then you've lost count. It's easy to become consumed with looking a certain way. Generally speaking, females and males are "supposed" to look impeccable. On the flip side, what's important is who a person is internally. Looks go away over time, but one's character remains.

Has it occurred, to you, why people honestly focus on external qualities more than internal ones? Here's an answer I've speculated for quite some time: it's what they know! Think about it. Superficial qualities don't require much thought and they can serve as bandages for other issues. The internal qualities require more maintenance. Many people don't have a good grasp of who they are until their late 20s. Even then, people change over time. How are you supposed to know who you are if you keep changing?! Wow! That can give someone a headache just thinking about it.

Look, I don't have all the answers; I do know that if you desire to become a "Perfect 10," then a change in mindset needs to happen.You need to start understanding who you are on a continual basis. If you don't keep up with yourself, then how can you expect anyone else to?

Recently, I read a book titled What Color is Your Parachute? by Richard N. Bolles. At the end of chapter 5, he proposed a simple exercise. I will call it the "Perfect 10" exercise.

Here's how to become a "Perfect 10"! Keep a running list of the 10 things:
I want to have
I want to do
I want to learn
I want to give

After you complete the exercise, carry your responses with you wherever you go. Update your list as often as you would like. It will help you to see how you evolve overtime. Remember, becoming a "Perfect 10" isn't about looking a certain way. It's about knowing who you are and where you stand in life. Once you know who you are, don't let anyone take it away from you.

Toast to The Master

In today's society, we have access to technological luxuries like text messenger, the iPad, and the Kindle. Libraries have books and journal articles available online; paying bills became simpler with automated pay. As people take advantage of these resources, something else happens. One's ability to effectively communicate has decreased significantly. I do not have scientific evidence to prove this. However, behaviors that are displayed are no longer transparent. Students browse on Facebook in the middle of class and people will text to fill in the silence. When I think about these things, I ponder the following question: Have we lost the art of human conversation? 

I don't think human conversation has run dry-yet. It is an inevitable skill that is necessary to survive, but one that is not practiced as much as it should be. Is it more convenient to send an e-mail or a quick text message? Sometimes it is and sometimes it's not. Regardless of convenience, stop making excuses! It is easier to just make the phone call or meet up with someone in-person to discuss what needs to be discussed. 

Instead of making excuses, start taking control of your life. I am not the keeper of all knowledge, but I do know that if you exercise communicating effectively in-person, it will become easier. With that said, here is my challenge to you. Join your local Toastmasters International group. Toastmasters is a group designed to improve and enhance public speaking and leadership skills. As you develop these skills, you will improve your ability to communicate, in-person, with those around you. Eventually, what will happen is that you will prefer to communicate in this fashion. 

I know, I know. "The group meets when it's not convenient with my schedule." "They meet too early in the morning." "I don't fit in with this group of people." Again, stop making excuses! You are creating an unnecessary filter. If one group doesn't meet your needs, then find a different group. In fact, I highly encourage you to shop around. No two groups do things the exact same way. One group model might appeal to you over other models. If you give the group a chance, and allow yourself to get out of your comfort zone, you will receive rewards that exceed your expectations.

In closing, to you, I say this: Raise your glass high and cheers to the best you!