Is "Can't" Your Crutch?

"I can't go to class today. I have a headache." "I want that jacket, but I can't afford it." "I can't complete this assignment because I don't have Internet access at home." Do you know of someone who's declared a similar statement? Have you verbal vomited one of the unmentionables? At one point or another, most people have.

I think people confuse the words can't and able. Can't is when you legitimately cannot do something; it's a handicap. Able means you're capable of doing something, but something could hinder you from achieving a task at hand; this is a disability. For example, Let's say someone is in a wheel chair. In order for this person to get around, things like elevators and wheel chair ramps must be available. If these things are available, the person can still get around. Even though s/he may or may not be able to walk, the resources are available to get around. If the resources are not there and no one will pick the person up, then the person cannot get around.

Keeping that perspective in mind, think back to the unmentionables I mentioned earlier. I hope you see how people use the word can't as a crutch. It's simply an excuse. If you really want to do something, and you had the resources available to make it happen, you would fly to the moon and back. Even if you don't have all the resources you need, you'd still find a way to make something work.

Let's refocus the word can't. Instead of saying you can't do something, say you choose not to do it. Which statement sounds better? A)"I can't afford to buy the iPhone." B)"I choose not to purchase the iPhone." I think statement B sounds better. Statement A implies that you physically do not have the money to buy the iPhone. This could be the case, but it can decrease your level of worth. Statement B implies that you choose how you spend your money. You're asserting will power and control in your life.

You may not always have options available to you. The number of resources you have may be slimmer to that of someone else. Heck, there may be the occasional day when you physically cannot do something. It's perfectly okay. Focus on what you are able to do and stop dwelling on what you can't do.

B-I-N-G-O, Bingo!

Have you played Bingo with 35-40 people over the age of 80? If so, do you remember the experience? If you haven't, then the following statements might help you to understand. "I 25." "What did he say?" "I 25!" "G 60." "I can't hear him." "I wish they'd stop complaining and whining." "Gertrude, look at the letter, then the number." "How did she get Bingo already?! Did he even shuffle the cards?!" "You can't play that Bingo board unless you pay for it." "I never win at this game." "Why does he keep calling all the numbers in the N column?!" "B 10." "I needed B 10, 10 games ago."

Ahh! What a headache. Try sitting through that noisome chatter for 20 minutes; it's exhausting and mentally draining. If you haven't figure it out by now, I played Bingo with this group of people. When I sat in the Bingo room, all I could think about is how almost everyone in the room was depressing and bitter. Specifically, I couldn't figure out why people got mad over something they couldn't control. How was it that a person could complain about a number from 10 games ago?! That game will never come back. What's the point in fussing about it? What's the point in planning for B 10 to be called again?

If you really think about it, life is a lot like a game of Bingo. It's impossible to go back 10 Bingo games to change the outcome. Do people worry about 10 games ago tomorrow? Most likely, the answer is no. In life, we can't change what's happened in the past. Sure, there are experiences we would like to hold onto forever and some we can't overcome. Regardless, what's done is done. The future holds more opportunities.

In Bingo, it's difficult to plan strategic moves. During the game, the only thing that can be controlled is what you mark on your board. We can't control the way the cards are shuffled, the other players, the other Bingo cards, etc. In life, we cannot control what other people do and say, the elements in mother nature, and so forth. However, you can look at your own life; focus on what you can control, today. A degree of planning is necessary for the future, but, sometimes, the best moments are the ones that happen now.

The next time you find yourself worrying excessively about the past, or the future, think of now. Will the decisions I make now make me a better person tomorrow? Have I done enough today to make my family proud? Did I accomplish everything on my to-do list today? If you start thinking about your life as if it were a game of Bingo, then you may be the next lucky person to yell BINGO!

Have a 5 Star Day!

When you look for a new restaurant to try, hotel to stay in, or look at company ratings, which areas would you explore? One place I will look at is the rating of the establishment. The establishment will be rated out of five stars, five being the best rating. When a business, product, or other reviewed product or service receives a high star markup, taking a chance on it is favorable. If you see a low star rating, would you run for the hills? 

What about you? What is your star rating? If it's anything below a five (5), would you run from you? The last time I checked, it's impossible to run away from yourself. Since it's impossible, instead of focusing on why you are not a 5 star rating, let's refocus your thoughts.

To demonstrate how to evaluate your 5 star day, I would like for you to examine the following areas in your life (one star per dimension): physical, emotional, spiritual, intellectual, and social. If you didn't catch on to what I just listed, these are 5 main dimensions of wellness. Each dimension focuses on a different aspect of your life, hence the 5 star day.

Dig deep and be honest with yourself. Out of 5 stars, how would you truly rate yourself? If your total is less than a 5, then look at your life and determine what you need to change in order to get there. It may happen overnight; it may take a while. It's never too late to begin.

After you've determined where you stand, regardless of current star rating, here is what I would like for you to do. Each night, before you go to bed, write one positive thing about your day for each dimension of wellness (in bold above). For example, did you attend the dreaded networking event? Were you pleasantly surprised with a grade you received on an assignment? Have you achieved your fitness goal for the day? 

If you do this every day, you will begin to see a change in your mindset. I challenge you to do this activity for one calendar year. If you are a 5 star rating now, will you maintain that a year from now? If you need to set goals and achieve them, will you become a 5 star rating? When you think of yourself as a 5 star rating, you will have a 5 star day!

Dare to be Different

When I was put onto Earth, I was born with a genetic makeup. My genetic makeup determined the color of my eyes, weight, possible illnesses and diseases that could be passed down to me, and so forth. Some days, I think I am blessed  because I do not have major health related issues to deal with on a daily basis. Other days, I wonder how I ended up the way I am.

Growing up, I used my genetic makeup as a crutch; I didn't fit in a particular social clique. My attempt to try and solve this issue was to become actively involved in extra curricular activities. In high school and college, I was involved in service-learning and volunteering groups, wellness groups, groups for "smart" people, and communications related activities. I competed in a pageant 4 times; I didn't make it past round one. I also rushed for sorority; I was the only person in my bid class who didn't receive a bid.

For the longest time, I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I blamed my genetic makeup for having the inability to fit in. Did I inherit my mom's trait of being too helpful? Was it my grandmas's overly critical mind? How about my dad's ability to shut someone out of his life when he's had enough? I spent so many years blaming my family dynamic. I could not figure out why I never fit in anywhere.

One day, 2 of my aunts and I were discussing our family dynamic. During the conversation, one aunt mentioned how, in my family, people follow the beat of his or her own drummer. After hearing that statement, it became clear. My genetic makeup had nothing to do with not fitting in. I grew up in a family where being different was normal. The focus was not on surrounding myself with large numbers of people; it was about surrounding myself with quality people who like me for me.

After that day, I take pride in being different. I am not ashamed to be a kid at heart; it maintains my youth and energy. I am not labeled into a category; it allows me to define myself and to step out of my comfort zone when other people will not. Being myself has opened my soul and I am no longer held down by my internal ball and chain. To this day, I wonder if being different is genetic to some degree. All I know is that at the end of each day, I can honestly say that I remain true to who I am.