The Power of Words

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me." If this quote doesn't sound familiar to you, then welcome to the 1990s. Otherwise, you've read one of the most overused quotes I heard growing up. How many times could someone recite this quote like a broken record? After a while, the same song and dance doesn't cut it. Once I realized how the puppet show operated, I wanted to throw sticks and stones at the quote and at each person who said it. 

When I look at the quote, it is flawed. How can sticks break bones? Is the stick thrown on the ground and someone trips over it? Was the stick jammed in my skin? How hard was the stone thrown at me? Did I puposely walk over stones as a child? Sticks and stones breaking bones sounds terrible, but the deceit from the quote is worse. How can someone say words never hurt? After a while, words do hurt. "You have cancer." " You did not get into the Ph.D. program, the program that will change your entire life." "You are the cause of my pain and anguish." I don't know what you think, but these words would hurt me.

Someone may argue that words only have value if importance is placed on them. I can agree with the argument. I still stand by the fact that words can hurt. However, I also know words can help us become happy, self-sufficient, and confident people. Words can be used for promoting peace and tranquility. Words can inspire someone to create a new project, give confidence to a person who is scared to take the bold steps necessary to progress in life, and give courage to those who are freightened.

If someone is struggling to find hope and strength (including you), these statements may be the key(s) to success for them (and you):

You can do it.

Now is not the time to give up. 

You've come so far. You owe it to yourself to finish what you've started.

I am proud of you.

You are already good. You have the potential to be great.

Trust Your Teammate

Team, team, team! Go team go! Great teamwork! How often do you hear these phrases? Do you jump on the bandwagon and cheer, mutter inappropriate sentences, or are you indifferent?  After you answer the question, think as to why you answered the question the way you did. Did past experiences inform your answer? It's quite possible, but I don't want to speak for you.

Growing up, I despised working on a team. Before jumping to conclusions, I would like to clarify a few things. No, I was not lazy, a free loader, social loafer, incompetent, bored, or too stupid to make decisions. In fact, it was the exact opposite. I did at least 95% of the work at least 95% of the time. Sure, I enjoyed being in charge of my destiny, but it was exhausting! It didn't bother me when others would declare their lack of passion. However, it did bother me when lack of passion became lack of production. It didn't matter how many times I voiced my concerns or the concerns I voiced. All that mattered was that my "team" and I received the same grade/outcome at the end of the day. Needless to say, my experiences working on a team were not positive.

Over time, I became accustomed to doing everything. It was perfectly natural to see my teammates as abled bodied people that could mouth words as instructed. I found the loophole in the phrase "There's no "I" in team." If you look closely at the word team (in a different font style), you can find the hidden "i" in the middle of the "a." Since this mentality was well past its infancy, trusting others to help on a team was not an option. I would be guilt-ridden and would spend my time complaining about working on a team.

About a year ago (10 months and a week to be exact), my boyfriend and I became official. During the relationship, we have learned a lot about each other. One thing we have taught each other (without realizing it till recently) is that a solid relationship cannot survive without the other teammate. We both spent ample time feeling guilty about receiving help from anyone. However, we realized we could not be the best versions of ourselves if we held onto the guilt. We are still growing together, but I can honestly say we have thrown guilt in the trash can and trust the other person to be the best teammate s/he can be.

If this post hits home, then I want you to remember one thing: there are people who are as willing and eager to be a good teammate as you. Passionate, driven, and self-sufficient people do exist in the world. Life will throw people at you who are the opposite. However, if you can tame your feelings when you find gold, then you will be better for the experience. If you know of someone who is this way, please share this post with them. Who knows? You could change someone's life.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

How's your day going? Did you receive life changing news? Are you anticipating good news? Does life feel like "bleh" today? Regardless, how is your day going? If you were to describe it to me, what would you say? I will select 3 categories of words. Pick which category applies to you: 1) Awesome, amazing, and fantastic; 2) Not great, could've been better, and it was okay; or 3) Crappy; a big ball of you know what, and don't even ask!

Everyone has days that are good, bad and ugly. Some days overflow with ugly feelings and events. No matter what you do or how hard you try, everything turns into a disaster. Your day may be filled with the bad. Good things did happen, but they weren't enough to counteract the bad. "Everything went fine until I received a speeding ticket. Afterwards, I went home and found out I didn't get the promotion I wanted."

The beauty of life is that there is good mixed in with the bad and ugly. Sometimes, life doesn't throw lemons at us. It will throw hot sauce, wasabi, mouth wash, mud, spoiled milk, and rotten eggs at us. Fortunately, you can avoid these substances and live a good life.

How can you live a good life? It's simple: focus on the good things that happen to you. You may have 10 bad things that happen, but the 1 good thing can counteract it. For example, if your entire day felt like you should have slept in the pig pen, but you fall asleep next to the partner you love, then the good outweighs the bad. If your children drive you crazy, but they give you the cutest face and it makes you melt, then the good outweighs the bad.

Focusing on the good in life may be easy for some and difficult for others. I am not saying to solely focus on the good. The bad and ugly are bound to happen to you at one point or another. You can control how your day is if you focus your energy on the good. Who knows? Maybe each day could end up being a good day.

Making Mountains out of Molehills

When's the last time you were face-to-face with a tough situation? What did you do? How did you react? Once it was over, what did you learn from the situation? Throughout your life, you will be faced with many tough situations. Some can be conquered in a day; others may take weeks, months, years, or possibly a lifetime.

If you are currently face-to-face with a tough situation, how much credit do you give it? Think about it. Do you give the situation more credit than it is actually worth? Is the situation exaggerated exponentially? Are the characters in the situation important enough to fear?

I wish you could physically put your situation in front of a mirror and see it for what it is. If I were to take the situations I've experienced in the past, I saw situaitons that were bigger than myself, possibly larger than life. They consumed my thoughts like black poisonous cancer taking over my body before I could count to 5. All I could think about was how poorly I was treated, which helped me to justify my thoughts, making them bigger than what they were. My thoughts diminished my qualities and minimzed my accomplishments. Needless to say, it was unhealthy and contagious.

Luckily, contagious thoughts can be changed. As I have grown as a person, I have learned to let molehills stay molehills, rather than letting them turn into mountains. As a self-sufficient person, I saw this as an opportunity to become a better person. I rely on my strengths and support system to guide me. Through internal and external guidance, I started at a place I think is manageable. I chose to shift my paradigm and look at tough situations through a different lens. Instead of looking at people and things as scary, intimidating, and bigger tham myself, I've decided to stop giving them more credit than they're worth. With this mindset, I am able to see the good in tough situations.

Life can be daunting disheartening, and can take a toll on one's self-esteem. However, if you place your situations in front of the mirror of your mind and look at them for what they're truly worth, it will help to bring peace and prosperity to your life. Life doesn't have to be a huge mountain that is inconquerable. Let your tough situations stay moleholes and watch your life transform before your eyes.