Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Become a "Perfect 10"

How many times have you heard the phrase "S/he's a perfect 10!" uttered? If you've heard it as many times as I have, then you've lost count. It's easy to become consumed with looking a certain way. Generally speaking, females and males are "supposed" to look impeccable. On the flip side, what's important is who a person is internally. Looks go away over time, but one's character remains.

Has it occurred, to you, why people honestly focus on external qualities more than internal ones? Here's an answer I've speculated for quite some time: it's what they know! Think about it. Superficial qualities don't require much thought and they can serve as bandages for other issues. The internal qualities require more maintenance. Many people don't have a good grasp of who they are until their late 20s. Even then, people change over time. How are you supposed to know who you are if you keep changing?! Wow! That can give someone a headache just thinking about it.

Look, I don't have all the answers; I do know that if you desire to become a "Perfect 10," then a change in mindset needs to happen.You need to start understanding who you are on a continual basis. If you don't keep up with yourself, then how can you expect anyone else to?

Recently, I read a book titled What Color is Your Parachute? by Richard N. Bolles. At the end of chapter 5, he proposed a simple exercise. I will call it the "Perfect 10" exercise.

Here's how to become a "Perfect 10"! Keep a running list of the 10 things:
I want to have
I want to do
I want to learn
I want to give

After you complete the exercise, carry your responses with you wherever you go. Update your list as often as you would like. It will help you to see how you evolve overtime. Remember, becoming a "Perfect 10" isn't about looking a certain way. It's about knowing who you are and where you stand in life. Once you know who you are, don't let anyone take it away from you.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Toast to The Master

In today's society, we have access to technological luxuries like text messenger, the iPad, and the Kindle. Libraries have books and journal articles available online; paying bills became simpler with automated pay. As people take advantage of these resources, something else happens. One's ability to effectively communicate has decreased significantly. I do not have scientific evidence to prove this. However, behaviors that are displayed are no longer transparent. Students browse on Facebook in the middle of class and people will text to fill in the silence. When I think about these things, I ponder the following question: Have we lost the art of human conversation? 

I don't think human conversation has run dry-yet. It is an inevitable skill that is necessary to survive, but one that is not practiced as much as it should be. Is it more convenient to send an e-mail or a quick text message? Sometimes it is and sometimes it's not. Regardless of convenience, stop making excuses! It is easier to just make the phone call or meet up with someone in-person to discuss what needs to be discussed. 

Instead of making excuses, start taking control of your life. I am not the keeper of all knowledge, but I do know that if you exercise communicating effectively in-person, it will become easier. With that said, here is my challenge to you. Join your local Toastmasters International group. Toastmasters is a group designed to improve and enhance public speaking and leadership skills. As you develop these skills, you will improve your ability to communicate, in-person, with those around you. Eventually, what will happen is that you will prefer to communicate in this fashion. 

I know, I know. "The group meets when it's not convenient with my schedule." "They meet too early in the morning." "I don't fit in with this group of people." Again, stop making excuses! You are creating an unnecessary filter. If one group doesn't meet your needs, then find a different group. In fact, I highly encourage you to shop around. No two groups do things the exact same way. One group model might appeal to you over other models. If you give the group a chance, and allow yourself to get out of your comfort zone, you will receive rewards that exceed your expectations.

In closing, to you, I say this: Raise your glass high and cheers to the best you!

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Pay it forward

Have you ever muttered the motto "What's in it for me ?" At one point or another, many of us have. I am guilty of preaching this motto. It is easy to do when we live in a society that focuses on the individual. It can be anything from having your own bedroom, not sharing toys as a child, when you will land that dream job, how much will you make per year, etc. I mean, it makes sense to think about you because it is your life. 

It is important to keep you in mind as you progress through life. However, there comes a time when thinking about only you does harm. For example, have you ever pushed others to work harder in a group for the sole purpose of saving your grade in a class? Have you seen someone walking within a close distance and you neglect to hold the door open for s/he because you're "in a hurry"? Has someone helped you pick up the load of papers you dropped but you walk passed someone else who has, and do nothing? 

As you look at the previous statements, think to yourself if you've been in similar situations. What did you do? Did you help? Think about helping and do nothing? Think nothing of it? I hope you chose to help. If not, it is never too late to start helping others.

Every day, there are numerous opportunities to lend a helping hand. If you don't know where to begin, try smiling at someone you normally wouldn't. Just because someone seems okay on the outside doesn't mean s/he is on the inside. Open a door for someone, volunteer once a week as a tutor for an hour, tip an extra dollar at the restaurant, connect someone with a useful contact, recommend an organization for growth, and so forth.

When you do for others, others will do for you. It may not be right away. It may not appear to be obvious. Allow yourself to be open-minded to the gifts people give. When you do this, it gives you more ways to help others.

Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

Have you ever thought about doing something, but decided not to because it is not "your thing" to do? Do you pass up opportunities because you fear the unknown? Did you begin working on a project, but give up on it because you couldn't grasp it like everyone else around you? Theoretically, I could not imagine how these things could happen. However, the reality of this is that it is the complete opposite.

Recently, I was presented with an opportunity to participate as a cast member in a Murder Mystery. When the Director asked me if I was interested in participating, I informed him that I was not an actor. For some reason, he still wanted to cast me. The old me would have said no to this opportunity. I had no acting experience. I did not know how to play pretend in front of other people. The thought of doing this scared me. I was afraid of not knowing what would happen throughout the process. For some reason, I said yes to this opportunity.

Throughout the process, I learned how to develop my character, received ample advice and numerous points of growth, and how to use what I already knew and fill in the blanks. As I took everything in, it went from being a scary experience to being one of the funnest learning opportunities. Not only did I learn new skills, but I was also able to teach other cast members new skills. Slowly, I found myself giving advice to other people and was able to embody my role.

Show night was one huge adrenaline rush! One minute I was acting in a room with the other cast members, the next minute I changed into a different costume, and, before I knew it, I had the honor of kissing an older gentleman on his cheek; I think it made his night. It was amazing to see how the guests responded to my character and how they enjoyed interacting with her.

As I reflect, I must say that it was an amazing experience. I learned that criticism is not meant to be my enemy. People who provided constructive points of growth wanted to see me succeed. Going out of my comfort zone did mean the experience was 100% new. As a Toastmaster, I was able to handle the points of growth given to me weekly, I could have impromptu interactions with guests, and I understood different presentation techniques to emphasize my character. The takeaway from this experience is that some of the best life experiences happen when you let yourself "go" and enjoy the ride.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Mind Your Thank You's

Growing up, do you remember being taught to say please, excuse me and thank you? If you're like me, then you probably do. Many years later, I look back and reflect on these magic words. Generally speaking, I hear people say please and excuse me, but what happened to saying thank you?

Think about it. People abuse the words "thanks" and/or "thank you." If someone gives you bad customer service, thanks is said sarcastically. If you've received a bad gift, thanks is said out of respect, not out of kindness. If you weren't fond of staying in someone's home and wanted to be polite, thanks is said out of respect instead of from the heart. What about the people who expect to be thanked for something you know don't deserve those words? I am able to list more examples, but I think you get the idea.

As humans, we have the power to change how people perceive "thank you." You are able to start a revolution that revolves around kindness, generosity, and giving to others. How do you do this? It starts with a simple "thank you." If someone holds the door open for you, give thanks. It was a nice gesture on someone else's end. Did someone recently take the time to meet with you for three hours to review your cover letter and resume? Write a hand-written thank you letter. Are you impressed with the superior customer service a store provides? Make them your Business of the Week and thank them with a donation of your choosing.

Generosity and kindness exist all around us. Sometimes, we, as humans, are blind by greed and troubled situations. Even then, anyone can still find good in the world and give thanks to those things. If it seems too simple, then don't think about it so much. Go with your gut instinct. If something tells you that a situation or person is worth thanking, then do it. Who knows? You may make someone's day that much better.