Have you ever done something nice for someone else? Was it because you were expected to or because you truly wanted to help? Let's say it's because you truly wanted to help. Did you help in a way that catered to your strengths or did you help in a way others wanted you to? The last question may or may not seem obvious. I was asked this question once and thought it was a simple answer. However, a recent event challenged my perception of the question.
Last week, I sat at a group meeting for an hour. To protect the group's identity, I will refer to the group as HELP. At HELP, they discussed ways others, who are not part of their community, can help advocate for their cause. In the middle of the meeting, I announced that I was one of those people and I wanted to help their cause in a different way, a way I knew very well. The way I knew would give them a voice and that voice would be explained to many people. Again, I can't give away what I proposed because I need to protect the group. To my surprise, the reaction was not received well. I received looks of shock, to the point where one girl looked scared. There was silence in the room for a good 30 seconds. The group members basically brushed off what I said and wanted to hear what the group members thought.
Hello?!? How can they expect their supporters to help them if they don't let their supporters help in ways they know how to help? Why is it that HELP is limited in their definition of help? Do they realize they pushed away a supportive person that night? Now, I can't say that I have given up on the cause HELP promotes, but the ways HELP reacted to my help made me feel "othered."
If you run an organization and you need all of the support and allies you can get, listen to what your allies have to say. Understand that each supporter and ally is unique and each can contribute in different ways. If you are an ally or supporter of any group and the group wants you to help based on their standards of helping, then you have every right to walk away. If a group truly wants your help, then they should be open-minded to what you have to offer.
Sunday, April 26, 2015
Sunday, April 19, 2015
Are You Having an Identity Crisis?
Do you know who you are? Could you effectively describe yourself to someone you've never met? When you talk about yourself, do you talk about the same few things or do you talk about a variety of topics? If you know exactly who you are and can communicate you effectively, I give you all the props in the world.
Many people I know cannot describe who they are; I used to be this way. I started school when I was 2 years old and went straight through till I was 26 years old. Okay, okay. I took a semester off to work in Admissions for a local college. Then, I went back to graduate school. Throughout my school years, I earned countless awards and received positive recognition for my accomplishments. At the ripe age of 26, I earned my Master's degree. What do I do now?!?
I spent countless hours creating cover letters and resumes, but had no luck. A month later, I joined a networking group to help me become an ideal candidate for a job. At my first meeting, I introduced myself, but my introduction was different. Everyone else communicated their name, the industry they were from, and the job they wanted. I could do the first 2, but the last one stumped me. I improvised and made everyone in the room laugh. Although I was successful at creating a first impression, why was I there? Who was I? What did I represent? Why was I there?
It was scary to realize I had no career plan. My entire identity was tied to education: research; professional experience; volunteer opportunities; and service experience. My portfolio was impressive....but not to industry professionals. I felt defeated and worthless. I spent the next few months taking personality, job, and industry assessments. Regardless of the number of hours I put into the assessments, along with networking, attending meetings, going on interviews, and polishing my cover letters and resumes, I still didn't know what I was after.
One day, someone asked me: "If you could do one job that would make you happy and you had to do it for free, what would it be?" At that moment, I knew the answer was right in front of my face the entire time; I wanted to be a Professor of Communication. For so long, I thought I was wasting my time. To my surprise, I needed to go through the self-awareness journey to figure out what I really wanted.
Going through the self-awareness journey taught me that I cannot place so much of my identity on one thing. When that thing (education) went away, I felt like my identity was gone forever. However, my identity was never gone; I needed to discover it. Yes, I did stay in education, but I no longer use it as my sole source of identity. I have hobbies, unique experiences, and things that make me unique. If you're going through an identity crisis, ask yourself why that may be the case. If you're trying to figure out who you are, take a detour. Go to places you've never been, talk to people you don't know, and make yourself vulnerable. By doing this, you will find who you are.
Many people I know cannot describe who they are; I used to be this way. I started school when I was 2 years old and went straight through till I was 26 years old. Okay, okay. I took a semester off to work in Admissions for a local college. Then, I went back to graduate school. Throughout my school years, I earned countless awards and received positive recognition for my accomplishments. At the ripe age of 26, I earned my Master's degree. What do I do now?!?
I spent countless hours creating cover letters and resumes, but had no luck. A month later, I joined a networking group to help me become an ideal candidate for a job. At my first meeting, I introduced myself, but my introduction was different. Everyone else communicated their name, the industry they were from, and the job they wanted. I could do the first 2, but the last one stumped me. I improvised and made everyone in the room laugh. Although I was successful at creating a first impression, why was I there? Who was I? What did I represent? Why was I there?
It was scary to realize I had no career plan. My entire identity was tied to education: research; professional experience; volunteer opportunities; and service experience. My portfolio was impressive....but not to industry professionals. I felt defeated and worthless. I spent the next few months taking personality, job, and industry assessments. Regardless of the number of hours I put into the assessments, along with networking, attending meetings, going on interviews, and polishing my cover letters and resumes, I still didn't know what I was after.
One day, someone asked me: "If you could do one job that would make you happy and you had to do it for free, what would it be?" At that moment, I knew the answer was right in front of my face the entire time; I wanted to be a Professor of Communication. For so long, I thought I was wasting my time. To my surprise, I needed to go through the self-awareness journey to figure out what I really wanted.
Going through the self-awareness journey taught me that I cannot place so much of my identity on one thing. When that thing (education) went away, I felt like my identity was gone forever. However, my identity was never gone; I needed to discover it. Yes, I did stay in education, but I no longer use it as my sole source of identity. I have hobbies, unique experiences, and things that make me unique. If you're going through an identity crisis, ask yourself why that may be the case. If you're trying to figure out who you are, take a detour. Go to places you've never been, talk to people you don't know, and make yourself vulnerable. By doing this, you will find who you are.
Friday, April 3, 2015
Have You Swept Under the Rug lately?
Do you want what you don't have? When you see pictures and posts of people living a happy and good life on social media, are you envious? Have you ever felt disappointed in yourself because you didn't achieve X by a certain age? Do you think you're a failure because the cards didn't align the way they were supposed to? If you said yes to any question I posed, then you're not alone.
Most days, it's easy for me to blow off the small things. However, I feel weakness every now and then; today is one of those days. Let's see, buy a home? I won't experience that anytime soon. I still have a few more years of school yet and have to work and achieve tenure before this thought realistically crosses my mind. Go on a vacation? Unless it's for an academic conference, forget this. Having a night out with friends? Hi, have you heard of graduate school? What are friends? Oh yes, they are journal articles, a computer, and textbooks. Gray hairs, why must you make me look like Rogue? Pay raise? What's that? Seeing people who are loved by everyone? As a person who follows the beat to my own drummer, I will never experience that feeling.
As you can see, what I am experiencing is not positive. If the nature of my blog is to help you become the better version of yourself, then why would I share my nasty thoughts with you? I am a human being. As a human being, I am not perfect. I am as flawed as the next person. However, if I am going to become the better version of myself, then I have to address the fact that I have these kinds of thoughts. It's easy to sweep them under the rug and pretend they don't exist, but that can open up pandora's box in the future.
If you are on your way to becoming a better person, acknowledge the flaws you have, the negative feelings you feel, and address the things that could hold you back. When you do this, you are giving yourself the courage to fight and conquer. By sharing my feelings of weakness with you, it is my hope that it gives you the strength to confront your own feelings of weakness and become better than you were yesterday.
Sunday, March 29, 2015
How Heavy is Your Bag?
Imagine you are carrying a huge backpack. You are in the woods and you must climb up and down different hills in order to get out and must wear the backpack the entire time. The number of items in the backpack looks like they belong in the closet of a typical female teenager, but they are items you would carry. Hand sanitizer? Check! Tissues? Coming up! A brick? You've got that, too! Well, you may not carry a brick in the woods, but I think you get the point. Think about the backpack as you walk through the woods. How hard is it to walk? Is it slowing you down? Do your shoulders ache? Are you getting in an extra workout? In the middle of the walk, you see a sign that reads you can remove half of the items from your bag. You start walking again. All of a sudden, you walk faster, your shoulders don't ache as much, and you're not as exhausted. Then, you see another sign a mile later that reads you can take off the backpack and leave it behind the remainder of the time. Now, how do you feel? Did it feel like 20 pounds were lifted off of your shoulders?
In life, you have experienced your fair share of trials and unfortunate experiences. As you get older, your backpack gets heavier. Each time your backpack is loaded, it becomes more difficult to move. You wish you could just put it all behind you and leave the hurt and frustrations in the past. Guess what? You can! Yes, you actually can do this. In the scenario above, you had to wait till the signs appeared before you were allowed to remove items. Life isn't that obvious. There are no signs that read it's time to take the burden off of your shoulders. You can do it now. Also, the scenario only let you take half of the items out of the bag. You may take everything out or you can take one thing out. Whatever you choose to do is your choice.If you take the frustrations and baggage out of your backpack sooner, you will be able to achieve your goals and become the best version of yourself sooner than you think.
Sunday, March 22, 2015
Is It Time to Swallow Your Pride?
Do you like to ask for help? Really, do you? If you do, what benefits come from uttering a few simple words? After you ask, do you feel better about your situation? Okay, okay. It may not sound like you. You may be the type of person who would rather do everything for yourself and not rely on anyone for assistance of any kind, which is perfectly fine. We live in a country where we gain success by working hard and doing things on your own.
Throughout the years, I have been the type of person who was too proud to ask for help. Why should I ask for help? As a self-learner, I should figure everything out on my own. If I did ask for help, it seemed like I was wasting the person's time, which made me stop seeking help altogether. As I've gotten older, I have realized that asking for help isn't a blow to my pride; it's the responsible thing to do.
Recently, I switched my research focus. My original focus was exploring the social construction of beauty in virtual worlds and whether or not those constructions impacted socially constructed meanings of beauty in the real world. I was comfortable with this topic. I knew which types of articles would help me and which ones wouldn't. It was easy to cite key scholars and foundational pieces of literature. Now, I am interested in studying social media from a critical cultural perspective. I am interested in understanding how social media is used as a tool to oppress certain groups of people (i.e., class, gender, sexual orientation, etc.), how it's used to "dumb down" the everyday person, to what extent it's used as a public sphere, and how the culture industry develops and shapes social media usage. Since this is a new research area for me, I can't rely on myself anymore. I need to ask for help from scholars who know about the difference aspects of my interests. Without seeking their help, I cannot become the best scholar, researcher, and teacher I can be.
You, or someone you know, may be embarking on a new journey. It can be scary, but it will make you better. If pride is getting in the way of your success, repeat these words to yourself:
+ I am not losing my ability to be a self-learner; I am enhancing it;
+ Asking for help will not make me weak; it will make me stronger;
+ I am not taking the easy way out; I am working smarter than I've worked my entire life;
+ I am not swallowing my pride; I will be better for the experience; and
+ I am not a failure; I will succeed!
Throughout the years, I have been the type of person who was too proud to ask for help. Why should I ask for help? As a self-learner, I should figure everything out on my own. If I did ask for help, it seemed like I was wasting the person's time, which made me stop seeking help altogether. As I've gotten older, I have realized that asking for help isn't a blow to my pride; it's the responsible thing to do.
Recently, I switched my research focus. My original focus was exploring the social construction of beauty in virtual worlds and whether or not those constructions impacted socially constructed meanings of beauty in the real world. I was comfortable with this topic. I knew which types of articles would help me and which ones wouldn't. It was easy to cite key scholars and foundational pieces of literature. Now, I am interested in studying social media from a critical cultural perspective. I am interested in understanding how social media is used as a tool to oppress certain groups of people (i.e., class, gender, sexual orientation, etc.), how it's used to "dumb down" the everyday person, to what extent it's used as a public sphere, and how the culture industry develops and shapes social media usage. Since this is a new research area for me, I can't rely on myself anymore. I need to ask for help from scholars who know about the difference aspects of my interests. Without seeking their help, I cannot become the best scholar, researcher, and teacher I can be.
You, or someone you know, may be embarking on a new journey. It can be scary, but it will make you better. If pride is getting in the way of your success, repeat these words to yourself:
+ I am not losing my ability to be a self-learner; I am enhancing it;
+ Asking for help will not make me weak; it will make me stronger;
+ I am not taking the easy way out; I am working smarter than I've worked my entire life;
+ I am not swallowing my pride; I will be better for the experience; and
+ I am not a failure; I will succeed!
Sunday, March 15, 2015
What Do You See?
Have you ever held yourself back from doing something amazing? If so, why did you? Are you afraid of success? Is it easier to find comfort in past experiences? When you hold yourself back, do you make excuses to justify your actions? I have held myself back from many things because it has been easier to resort to what I know rather than exploring new territory. Well, it has been until now.
Last Saturday, I stared at myself in the mirror. Literally, I just stared. I examined every inch of my body. I wasn't concerned with my hair, clothes, or other things that can enhance my appearance. I am talking about body size. I was disgusted with the way I looked. The disgust isn't rooted from the images in magazines, on the Internet, and on TV. I know that celebrities are photoshopped and they have professionals who make them look good. What I faced in the mirror was something deeper.
I saw a little girl who went through puberty before all of her classmates: breast development, acne galore, and serious weight gain. Shopping was a pain back then because the only pants I could wear, at age 12, were stretch jeans. Boys were disgusted with the way I looked and it crushed me. Many peers were not tolerable of overweight peers. One minute, my clothes were too tight and I looked like a stuffed sausage. The next minute, they were too big and I looked like a sack of potatoes. In high school, I slimmed down in some areas and developed in others. I still wasn't thin by any means, but I started to look more like a feminine female. I received a few looks, but not from the boys I liked. I had a few friends, but always felt like the third wheel. My body size held me back from pursuing opportunities I wanted to explore, made me bitter, and sad.
Many years later, I have made considerable changes to my wardrobe, hair style, makeup, etc. However, there was still one thing glaring at me: my weight. Up until now, I made many excuses for my weight: genetics, slow metabolism, and the list could go on. However, my excuses were getting me no where. It was time to shatter the little girl that existed in my mind and eliminate the excuses. I can only let past thoughts hold me back from achieving a better body for so long. I have decided to start making life-changing health choices. It was time to eat foods that were good for me and eliminate the ones that weren't. Exercise was no longer a choice; it was a requirement for a long and healthy life. I can't say my life style change will be easy, but I know that it will be worth it in the end.
Now, it's your turn to face something that will dramatically improve your life. What is holding you back from achieving greatness? How can you change your situation? What steps do you need to take to ensure success? If you fear you will lose your way, don't be afraid. Find a support group, seek advice online, and do what you can to stay on the path of success. I cannot promise it will be an easy journey. However, if you stick out the journey, then success will come.
Last Saturday, I stared at myself in the mirror. Literally, I just stared. I examined every inch of my body. I wasn't concerned with my hair, clothes, or other things that can enhance my appearance. I am talking about body size. I was disgusted with the way I looked. The disgust isn't rooted from the images in magazines, on the Internet, and on TV. I know that celebrities are photoshopped and they have professionals who make them look good. What I faced in the mirror was something deeper.
I saw a little girl who went through puberty before all of her classmates: breast development, acne galore, and serious weight gain. Shopping was a pain back then because the only pants I could wear, at age 12, were stretch jeans. Boys were disgusted with the way I looked and it crushed me. Many peers were not tolerable of overweight peers. One minute, my clothes were too tight and I looked like a stuffed sausage. The next minute, they were too big and I looked like a sack of potatoes. In high school, I slimmed down in some areas and developed in others. I still wasn't thin by any means, but I started to look more like a feminine female. I received a few looks, but not from the boys I liked. I had a few friends, but always felt like the third wheel. My body size held me back from pursuing opportunities I wanted to explore, made me bitter, and sad.
Many years later, I have made considerable changes to my wardrobe, hair style, makeup, etc. However, there was still one thing glaring at me: my weight. Up until now, I made many excuses for my weight: genetics, slow metabolism, and the list could go on. However, my excuses were getting me no where. It was time to shatter the little girl that existed in my mind and eliminate the excuses. I can only let past thoughts hold me back from achieving a better body for so long. I have decided to start making life-changing health choices. It was time to eat foods that were good for me and eliminate the ones that weren't. Exercise was no longer a choice; it was a requirement for a long and healthy life. I can't say my life style change will be easy, but I know that it will be worth it in the end.
Now, it's your turn to face something that will dramatically improve your life. What is holding you back from achieving greatness? How can you change your situation? What steps do you need to take to ensure success? If you fear you will lose your way, don't be afraid. Find a support group, seek advice online, and do what you can to stay on the path of success. I cannot promise it will be an easy journey. However, if you stick out the journey, then success will come.
Sunday, March 8, 2015
Does the World Owe You?
Have you ever met people who thought everyone owed them something because they had a rough childhood? Do classmates who constantly try to finagle extra credit or extensions on project deadlines, due to the fact that they are irresponsible and make excuses, irritate you? Does it annoy you when people claim they deserve to live the good life and own nice possessions because they know what "hard work" is, but they have only worked hard a couple days in their lives? When I meet people who fit my descriptions, it irritates me.
Throughout my life, there have been times when I thought life was unfair: people have made mean comments about me, I was frustrated because I never had the right last name, and my family wasn't financially wealthy. It was disheartening to know that opportunities I wanted available to me weren't there. Based on the information I provided, do you know how easy it would be to become self-entitled? It would be easy to say people "owe me" because I have dealt with hardship. However, I would not describe myself in this manner. Why? For starters, there are others who have had hardship in their lives. I can honestly say there are people who have had it rougher than myself. When I think about what others go through, it would be selfish to be self-entitled.
No one owes me anything. If I want something, I have to work for it. Life isn't always fair. There will be times when I am at the right place at the wrong time, managing family commitments and graduate student life can be difficult at times, and there will be days when everything goes wrong. When life doesn't seem fair, instead of suggesting people owe me, I think about the facts that I have an amazing family, I am currently in the process of earning my third college degree, and my basic survival needs are met.
If you know of someone who thinks s/he is self-entitled because they have had it rough or are spoiled, kindly remind them that they're blessed. There are many things to be thankful for in life and their situation can always be worse than it currently is. If, for some reason, the person is at their breaking point, be a support system and tell them that life only gets better.
Throughout my life, there have been times when I thought life was unfair: people have made mean comments about me, I was frustrated because I never had the right last name, and my family wasn't financially wealthy. It was disheartening to know that opportunities I wanted available to me weren't there. Based on the information I provided, do you know how easy it would be to become self-entitled? It would be easy to say people "owe me" because I have dealt with hardship. However, I would not describe myself in this manner. Why? For starters, there are others who have had hardship in their lives. I can honestly say there are people who have had it rougher than myself. When I think about what others go through, it would be selfish to be self-entitled.
No one owes me anything. If I want something, I have to work for it. Life isn't always fair. There will be times when I am at the right place at the wrong time, managing family commitments and graduate student life can be difficult at times, and there will be days when everything goes wrong. When life doesn't seem fair, instead of suggesting people owe me, I think about the facts that I have an amazing family, I am currently in the process of earning my third college degree, and my basic survival needs are met.
If you know of someone who thinks s/he is self-entitled because they have had it rough or are spoiled, kindly remind them that they're blessed. There are many things to be thankful for in life and their situation can always be worse than it currently is. If, for some reason, the person is at their breaking point, be a support system and tell them that life only gets better.
Sunday, March 1, 2015
Take Five...or a Half
Are you caught up in the overwhelming nature of today's world? Have you forgotten what it's like to live life simply? Do you wish you could travel back in time and live in the moments you tried to rush? I love the life I currently live and wouldn't change it for the world. However, there are days when I get a moment to breathe and remember how simple life used to be.
When I was a kid, I worried about weekend plans, which shows I would watch, and how I would spend my birthday and Christmas money. What is rent? Why wouldn't my parents buy food at the grocery store more often? How come everyone else gets what they want but me? These questions seem juvenile now, but when you don't know any better, they seem like a big deal.
I don't miss having the ignorance of a kid, but sometimes I miss the simplicity of how life used to be. Two hour walks with my best friend, Friday evening hangouts at Starbucks, sleeping in on snowdays, spending all of my money on things I wanted instead of things I need to survive, and shopping for clothes on the tab of others was glorious!
As an adult, it's easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of paying bills, going to work, taking care of your family, etc. Within the next week, I want you to do one thing for me: I want you to spend a half hour relaxing. Lay in bed and read a good book, watch a favorite TV show, drive your car somewhere without the intent of going anywhere, ride your bicycle, or anything that will relax you.
A half hour may not seem like enough time to relax or you may not think you have a half hour to spare. If time is an issue, look at how you spend your current time. Is a good portion of your day taken up by social media use? Do you watch more TV than you care to admit? If you really look at how you spend your day, I think you will be able to find a half hour to spare. When you take the time to enjoy something small and simple, it will revitalize you and it will help you to become better each day.
When I was a kid, I worried about weekend plans, which shows I would watch, and how I would spend my birthday and Christmas money. What is rent? Why wouldn't my parents buy food at the grocery store more often? How come everyone else gets what they want but me? These questions seem juvenile now, but when you don't know any better, they seem like a big deal.
I don't miss having the ignorance of a kid, but sometimes I miss the simplicity of how life used to be. Two hour walks with my best friend, Friday evening hangouts at Starbucks, sleeping in on snowdays, spending all of my money on things I wanted instead of things I need to survive, and shopping for clothes on the tab of others was glorious!
As an adult, it's easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of paying bills, going to work, taking care of your family, etc. Within the next week, I want you to do one thing for me: I want you to spend a half hour relaxing. Lay in bed and read a good book, watch a favorite TV show, drive your car somewhere without the intent of going anywhere, ride your bicycle, or anything that will relax you.
A half hour may not seem like enough time to relax or you may not think you have a half hour to spare. If time is an issue, look at how you spend your current time. Is a good portion of your day taken up by social media use? Do you watch more TV than you care to admit? If you really look at how you spend your day, I think you will be able to find a half hour to spare. When you take the time to enjoy something small and simple, it will revitalize you and it will help you to become better each day.
Sunday, February 22, 2015
Do Motives Keep You Down?
Do you question the motives of others? If so, why? What triggers set off alarms in your head? Have you been screwed over one too many times? Did one major experience ruin something profound? Regardless of what the instance was, your reasons for questioning motives are yours; you are allowed to feel the way you do. If you're bitter, scared, or overly cautious, you probably have a good reason to be. Even if someone has their own story and the story is different from what you've seen in the past, you're probably going to be curious as to why the person is behaving a different way.
I, like many people I know, do question the motives of others. I want to see the good in others and in situations, but it can be difficult to do this. For example, I am a firm believer that people should earn everything based on hard work and merit. I can't stand it when they insist on kissing butt with the intent of not working as hard. If I see people kissing butt, I question credibility instantly. Why can't people earn an opportunity based on their own merit and where are the shortcomings? Does it motivate me to work that much harder? Absolutely! If I were to let one's shortcomings affect my performance, then I wouldn't be any better than the person kissing butt.
Yesterday, the snow kept falling down. My husband and I had to go to the grocery store to pick up a few things. Shoveling the road was not our idea of a good time. It wasn't just powdery snow. It was heavy snow that was compressed together by the snow plow truck. Plus, there was a layer of ice underneath the snow. In the midst of our shoveling adventure, a man kept walking back and forth with his own shovel. He never asked us for help. We guessed he wanted to shovel driveways for profit. People don't want to pay for that service in our neighborhood, but he walked past us at least 5 times. I questioned his motives in that situation. If he wasn't going to profit, why wouldn't he offer to help us? Couldn't he have helped us for the sake of helping others? At the same time, I felt bad because I was judging his motives without knowing his story. Was he unemployed or laid off? Did someone else in his family need the money? My instinct is to question his motives, but who am I to do this?
There will be many times when you question certain situations. If something has impacted you enough, then it is difficult not to do so. I wish I could say my thoughts were pure and innocent, but they are not. I wanted to share my story with you because becoming a better person doesn't happen over night. I do believe with time and patience, the way in which I question motives will improve. For now, I have come to terms with the fact that I am not blameless and that I can improve in this area.
I, like many people I know, do question the motives of others. I want to see the good in others and in situations, but it can be difficult to do this. For example, I am a firm believer that people should earn everything based on hard work and merit. I can't stand it when they insist on kissing butt with the intent of not working as hard. If I see people kissing butt, I question credibility instantly. Why can't people earn an opportunity based on their own merit and where are the shortcomings? Does it motivate me to work that much harder? Absolutely! If I were to let one's shortcomings affect my performance, then I wouldn't be any better than the person kissing butt.
Yesterday, the snow kept falling down. My husband and I had to go to the grocery store to pick up a few things. Shoveling the road was not our idea of a good time. It wasn't just powdery snow. It was heavy snow that was compressed together by the snow plow truck. Plus, there was a layer of ice underneath the snow. In the midst of our shoveling adventure, a man kept walking back and forth with his own shovel. He never asked us for help. We guessed he wanted to shovel driveways for profit. People don't want to pay for that service in our neighborhood, but he walked past us at least 5 times. I questioned his motives in that situation. If he wasn't going to profit, why wouldn't he offer to help us? Couldn't he have helped us for the sake of helping others? At the same time, I felt bad because I was judging his motives without knowing his story. Was he unemployed or laid off? Did someone else in his family need the money? My instinct is to question his motives, but who am I to do this?
There will be many times when you question certain situations. If something has impacted you enough, then it is difficult not to do so. I wish I could say my thoughts were pure and innocent, but they are not. I wanted to share my story with you because becoming a better person doesn't happen over night. I do believe with time and patience, the way in which I question motives will improve. For now, I have come to terms with the fact that I am not blameless and that I can improve in this area.
Sunday, February 8, 2015
Do You Know What You Have?
"You don't know what you've got till it's gone." "Once something's gone, you can't go back in time and retrieve it." "Enjoy what you have now because it'll be gone before you know it." Do these statements sound familiar? I can't tell you how any variations of these statements I've heard throughout the years. The broken record everyone preached used to annoy me; now, I understand why the record plays at the same spot.
It feels weird to say this, but I have become one of those people. I normally wouldn't wish to go back in time, but this is a rare exception. If I could go back in time, I would tell my past self that things don't get easier. Each night, I have to use a heating pad on my back. If I don't, a certain spot on my back aches. When I move, it feels like I am trying to stretch a rope instead of a rubber band. Let's not forget to acknowledge the fact that I used to survive on all nighters. Now, if I don't get enough sleep in one night, I will be in a sour mood the entire day. I could wear heels all day a few years ago. That's now gone, too. When I wear them, I have to wear special inserts inside of them and I have to strategically choose when to wear them throughout the day. I'm now used to paying bills, shopping for groceries on a regular basis instead of clothes, and make time for cooking meals each night. Life seemed simpler when the rent payment wasn't due the first of each month. When I didn't have many of life's worries and concerns on my plate, I didn't realize it. It was easy to take it for granted; I didn't know any better.
I know I can't get that part of my life back and that trivial issues are gone forever. Do you want to know a secret? It's not always easy, but I am embracing it. Now that I know I can't get those times back, I have learned to appreciate the current times. Being an adult student is difficult financially, but I am embracing the fact that I can explore life without being tied down to a desk and I get to spend more time with my family. My body is going through unpleasant changes, but I know it's nothing compared to what other people go through. There will be a point in my life when these moments are gone and I can't get them back. I don't want to look back on my life and wish I had done something different. If I embrace the current situation and know what I have, it will set me up for success for the rest of my life.
It feels weird to say this, but I have become one of those people. I normally wouldn't wish to go back in time, but this is a rare exception. If I could go back in time, I would tell my past self that things don't get easier. Each night, I have to use a heating pad on my back. If I don't, a certain spot on my back aches. When I move, it feels like I am trying to stretch a rope instead of a rubber band. Let's not forget to acknowledge the fact that I used to survive on all nighters. Now, if I don't get enough sleep in one night, I will be in a sour mood the entire day. I could wear heels all day a few years ago. That's now gone, too. When I wear them, I have to wear special inserts inside of them and I have to strategically choose when to wear them throughout the day. I'm now used to paying bills, shopping for groceries on a regular basis instead of clothes, and make time for cooking meals each night. Life seemed simpler when the rent payment wasn't due the first of each month. When I didn't have many of life's worries and concerns on my plate, I didn't realize it. It was easy to take it for granted; I didn't know any better.
I know I can't get that part of my life back and that trivial issues are gone forever. Do you want to know a secret? It's not always easy, but I am embracing it. Now that I know I can't get those times back, I have learned to appreciate the current times. Being an adult student is difficult financially, but I am embracing the fact that I can explore life without being tied down to a desk and I get to spend more time with my family. My body is going through unpleasant changes, but I know it's nothing compared to what other people go through. There will be a point in my life when these moments are gone and I can't get them back. I don't want to look back on my life and wish I had done something different. If I embrace the current situation and know what I have, it will set me up for success for the rest of my life.
Sunday, February 1, 2015
Are You Moving Up?
Did last year fly by quicker than any other year? If you could have predicted what your life would look like at this very moment, would you have been correct? Are you happy with the way your life has turned out or do you wish your life was better? When I look at my current life, it is much different than I ever imagined it would be.
A little over 2 years ago, I was unsure what my life would look like. I graduated with my master's degree and didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. I attended more networking meetings than I care to admit, drove more hours than I thought was possible, learned more about interviews, resumes, and cover letters than a school career center ever taught, and spent countless hours trying to figure out "who I am" and "what I wanted" for myself. This was not a pretty time in my life. I was envious of those who seemed to have it all together. I remember thinking how bad I wanted to have it all together.
When I look at myself today, I would not have predicted the current situation I am in. I realized the job I wanted was in front of my eyes, my husband was in front of my eyes, and the path to a good life was in front of my eyes. It was all obvious, but I was blinded by the shutters others created to listen to my instincts. If I would have trusted myself, I would have saved myself from a lot of heartbreak and opportunities I turned down because "they weren't right" at the time.
If you look at the current life you're living and aren't happy with it, what are you going to do about it? If you're not sure where to begin, ask yourself this question: Does what you want make you happy? Be completely honest with yourself and don't second guess your decision. If you say yes, but are hesitant, then it isn't the right decision for you. When you can answer "yes" with confidence, then it is most likely the right choice. After you determine what will make you happy, determine what you need to do to make happiness happen. Trust me when I say it won't be easy, painless, effortless, or convenient. Many days will probably be frustrating, give you headaches, and confusing, but I promise that your happiness is worth it.
A little over 2 years ago, I was unsure what my life would look like. I graduated with my master's degree and didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. I attended more networking meetings than I care to admit, drove more hours than I thought was possible, learned more about interviews, resumes, and cover letters than a school career center ever taught, and spent countless hours trying to figure out "who I am" and "what I wanted" for myself. This was not a pretty time in my life. I was envious of those who seemed to have it all together. I remember thinking how bad I wanted to have it all together.
When I look at myself today, I would not have predicted the current situation I am in. I realized the job I wanted was in front of my eyes, my husband was in front of my eyes, and the path to a good life was in front of my eyes. It was all obvious, but I was blinded by the shutters others created to listen to my instincts. If I would have trusted myself, I would have saved myself from a lot of heartbreak and opportunities I turned down because "they weren't right" at the time.
If you look at the current life you're living and aren't happy with it, what are you going to do about it? If you're not sure where to begin, ask yourself this question: Does what you want make you happy? Be completely honest with yourself and don't second guess your decision. If you say yes, but are hesitant, then it isn't the right decision for you. When you can answer "yes" with confidence, then it is most likely the right choice. After you determine what will make you happy, determine what you need to do to make happiness happen. Trust me when I say it won't be easy, painless, effortless, or convenient. Many days will probably be frustrating, give you headaches, and confusing, but I promise that your happiness is worth it.
Friday, January 23, 2015
Are You a Cog?
Do you want to feel like another number who simply exists in society? Would it hurt if you were lumped in with everyone else? Does it annoy you when people inaccurately define who you are based on limited information that is available to them? I don't know how every person would answer these questions, but the people I know want to be acknowledged as unique individuals. They don't want to be lumped in with everyone else. To be lumped in with everyone else means you are simply a person who is represented by a number (e.g., social security number).
Now, let me ask you this: Even though you probably don't want to be another number, do your actions complement your opinion? I want you to really think about this question before you answer it. As you contemplate your answer, think about everyday things that happen. Do you post too much information about yourself on social media? Be honest with yourself if you do. Think about everything you post in a day. Is it possible that not everyone wants to see 10 selfies of you per day? Do you think it's reasonable to think that open statements are a cry for attention (e.g., I don't know what's going to happen...)? If you could choose anyway to contact someone (assuming you cannot see the person at that moment), what is your preferred communicative method? Why do you prefer your preferred method? Do you text because it's convenient or because you can avoid confrontation? Does the thought of making a phone call make you cringe?
What does all of this mean? Well, I will tell you. Each time you post too much information on social media, you are lumped in with all other people who do the same thing. Guess what? You've just become another number. While short-term attention is granted, it doesn't necessarily mean it's positive attention. If you choose text messenger as your preferred method of communication, you become a number. How hard is it to pick up the phone?
Today, it seems like society (as a whole) is becoming a cog in digital machine. Rather than using technology in a way that is beneficial, society is using it to the point where they have become unimportant in the grand scheme of the digital world. When you become unimportant, you risk being lumped in with everyone else and people inaccurately define who you are. I am not telling you to stop using technology. What I am saying is that I want you to be mindful and smart about the way technology is used. If you want to differentiate yourself, post meaningful posts and limit the number of posts you post each day; quantity doesn't always mean quality. When you have the opportunity to communicate with someone, don't lump yourself in with everyone else who chooses to send a text message. Be different and hold a conversation. At the end of the day, if you differentiate yourself in a positive way, then you will no longer be just another number who simply exists in society.
Now, let me ask you this: Even though you probably don't want to be another number, do your actions complement your opinion? I want you to really think about this question before you answer it. As you contemplate your answer, think about everyday things that happen. Do you post too much information about yourself on social media? Be honest with yourself if you do. Think about everything you post in a day. Is it possible that not everyone wants to see 10 selfies of you per day? Do you think it's reasonable to think that open statements are a cry for attention (e.g., I don't know what's going to happen...)? If you could choose anyway to contact someone (assuming you cannot see the person at that moment), what is your preferred communicative method? Why do you prefer your preferred method? Do you text because it's convenient or because you can avoid confrontation? Does the thought of making a phone call make you cringe?
What does all of this mean? Well, I will tell you. Each time you post too much information on social media, you are lumped in with all other people who do the same thing. Guess what? You've just become another number. While short-term attention is granted, it doesn't necessarily mean it's positive attention. If you choose text messenger as your preferred method of communication, you become a number. How hard is it to pick up the phone?
Today, it seems like society (as a whole) is becoming a cog in digital machine. Rather than using technology in a way that is beneficial, society is using it to the point where they have become unimportant in the grand scheme of the digital world. When you become unimportant, you risk being lumped in with everyone else and people inaccurately define who you are. I am not telling you to stop using technology. What I am saying is that I want you to be mindful and smart about the way technology is used. If you want to differentiate yourself, post meaningful posts and limit the number of posts you post each day; quantity doesn't always mean quality. When you have the opportunity to communicate with someone, don't lump yourself in with everyone else who chooses to send a text message. Be different and hold a conversation. At the end of the day, if you differentiate yourself in a positive way, then you will no longer be just another number who simply exists in society.
Friday, January 16, 2015
Go with the Flow
Do you go with the flow or do you prefer structure? If you go with the flow, does it annoy you when structured people are organized? I can only imagine what you may say. "You can't possibly plan for every aspect of life." "People say things that screw up the rest of the day." "Life should be embraced each moment rather than thinking about future moments." "How can anyone not go with the flow?!? That's the beauty of life!"
If you couldn't tell, I am a structured person. I live for schedules, order, and proper planning. Having a schedule in front of me is as glorious as eating chocolate while I am under thick covers watching an episode of Fixer Upper (great day!). If it were possible, I would plan out the rest of the calendar year now! Yes, I am being completely serious right now. Heck, if horoscopes were accurate, I would plan my life according to what I read. (Un)fortunately, I can't plan every aspect of my life nor can I predict what others will do and say.
This semester, I am living by a new motto: "Go with the flow." This is freakishly scary! I am not known for being good with the unknown. However, given the nature of the semester and upcoming summer, I figured it would be better to embrace this motto than fight against it. If someone in a class says things that may drive me crazy, I will learn from the person and strengthen my own position on an issue/topic. When a research approach emerges that confuses me, I will embrace new knowledge and learn all that I can. This won't be easy at first, but as I progress, I have no doubt it will become easier.
If you are a person who goes with the flow, help those who are structured. Yes, they will do everything they can to fight it. However, I ask that you're patient, understanding, and sympathetic. This is your opportunity to help a structured person to loosen up and embrace new life opportunities. Who knows? Both people may benefit each other in the end.
If you couldn't tell, I am a structured person. I live for schedules, order, and proper planning. Having a schedule in front of me is as glorious as eating chocolate while I am under thick covers watching an episode of Fixer Upper (great day!). If it were possible, I would plan out the rest of the calendar year now! Yes, I am being completely serious right now. Heck, if horoscopes were accurate, I would plan my life according to what I read. (Un)fortunately, I can't plan every aspect of my life nor can I predict what others will do and say.
This semester, I am living by a new motto: "Go with the flow." This is freakishly scary! I am not known for being good with the unknown. However, given the nature of the semester and upcoming summer, I figured it would be better to embrace this motto than fight against it. If someone in a class says things that may drive me crazy, I will learn from the person and strengthen my own position on an issue/topic. When a research approach emerges that confuses me, I will embrace new knowledge and learn all that I can. This won't be easy at first, but as I progress, I have no doubt it will become easier.
If you are a person who goes with the flow, help those who are structured. Yes, they will do everything they can to fight it. However, I ask that you're patient, understanding, and sympathetic. This is your opportunity to help a structured person to loosen up and embrace new life opportunities. Who knows? Both people may benefit each other in the end.
Friday, January 9, 2015
Celebrate, Don't Tolerate
When you hang out with people, do you stay true to who you are or do you change yourself to fit in? If you stay true to who you are, then I applaud you! However, if you change yourself just to fit in, why do you do it? Does society say you're supposed to do certain things in order to fit in? Do you have a need to be liked so much that you're willing to be a different person? If you removed the mask and people saw who you really were, would they still like you?
For a long time, I just wanted to fit in. It was easier to mold myself to society's expectations than focus on my own happiness. Once upon a time ago, I, like many teenagers, wore brands like Abercrombie and Fitch and American Eagle Outfitters. Did I like the clothes? Sure, but the same types of clothes could have been purchased at other stores for less money. More likely than not, the clothes at other stores were made with the same "quality" materials, possibly better ones. Did I want to wear those name brands because I genuinely liked them or was it because I wanted to fit it? Looking back at my conforming self, I would say it was because I had a desire to fit it.
Let's fast forward to age 21. I legally could drink alcohol. Score! Now, I can go into bars, get drunk with my friends, and create lasting memories. At first, it was fun to let loose, get dolled up for an evening, and hang out with my friends. Guess what? It only lasted a couple of years. Why? I didn't like to drink! Why was I celebrating the fact that I could legally ruin my insides knowing I didn't want to? Oh yeah, it's because I wanted to fit in. Speaking of friends, I wanted, more than anything, to share my deepest secrets and be my true self around them. However, for fear of losing them, I decided it wasn't a good idea to disclose certain parts of my personality. Not surprisingly, I was tired of being someone I am not. I cut those "friends" out of my life. It was lonely at first, but it needed to be done.
The point I am trying to make is that you do not need to change who you are for anyone. If someone doesn't like your quirks, you do not need that person in your life. Being true to you and surrounding yourself with people who appreciate you for you is one of the best gifts you can give. If people can't see the value of who you are, then it is time to refocus your energy. Go where you are celebrated, not tolerated.
For a long time, I just wanted to fit in. It was easier to mold myself to society's expectations than focus on my own happiness. Once upon a time ago, I, like many teenagers, wore brands like Abercrombie and Fitch and American Eagle Outfitters. Did I like the clothes? Sure, but the same types of clothes could have been purchased at other stores for less money. More likely than not, the clothes at other stores were made with the same "quality" materials, possibly better ones. Did I want to wear those name brands because I genuinely liked them or was it because I wanted to fit it? Looking back at my conforming self, I would say it was because I had a desire to fit it.
Let's fast forward to age 21. I legally could drink alcohol. Score! Now, I can go into bars, get drunk with my friends, and create lasting memories. At first, it was fun to let loose, get dolled up for an evening, and hang out with my friends. Guess what? It only lasted a couple of years. Why? I didn't like to drink! Why was I celebrating the fact that I could legally ruin my insides knowing I didn't want to? Oh yeah, it's because I wanted to fit in. Speaking of friends, I wanted, more than anything, to share my deepest secrets and be my true self around them. However, for fear of losing them, I decided it wasn't a good idea to disclose certain parts of my personality. Not surprisingly, I was tired of being someone I am not. I cut those "friends" out of my life. It was lonely at first, but it needed to be done.
The point I am trying to make is that you do not need to change who you are for anyone. If someone doesn't like your quirks, you do not need that person in your life. Being true to you and surrounding yourself with people who appreciate you for you is one of the best gifts you can give. If people can't see the value of who you are, then it is time to refocus your energy. Go where you are celebrated, not tolerated.
Friday, January 2, 2015
Stop Complaining and Start Doing
Do you want to be successful? My guess is that you do. Who doesn't want to be successful at something?!? Success gives people a sense of pride. Whether success means recognition, a job promotion, pay raise, receiving an award, pure satisfaction knowing you helped someone else, or a way I did not mention, it feels good to be successful. Now, let me ask you this: are you willing to do the work to become successful?
Within the last month, I have encountered many people who want to live a certain lifestyle and own particular possessions. Put simply, they want what they don't have. What happens when people want something, but don't have it? Many people I know spend their time complaining about their situation. "Why does she get everything she wants?" "How come he keeps getting promotions over me?" "I can't understand why people think (insert name here) is better than me. It's really frustrating." This used to be me. Growing up, I wanted to be the person who was successful, but wanted to spend more time complaining about my current situation. Guess what happened when I approached life with this mentality? I drove myself crazy, was constantly frustrated, and had a difficult time appreciating what I had in my life. Needless to say, it was not healthy.
A couple years ago, I was out in the job market looking for a job. At first, I was pessimistic. It frustrated me when other people found jobs. Why couldn't I find work? Was there something wrong with me? Did my years of school mean nothing?!? I'll let you be the judge of how bitter I used to be. One day, it hit me out of no where. The years of schooling and previous years of employment didn't matter if I spent my time complaining. From this moment, I stopped complaining about my situation and started doing something about it. I attended many networking meetings, networked my rear end off with people, and figured out who I was and what I truly wanted to do with my life. Once I did this, I spent less time complaining and more time making success happen.
When I look at myself in the mirror, I am proud of how far I've come. I know I am successful because of hard work, persistence, assertiveness, and determination. Focusing my energy in a positive way has helped me to become the best version of myself yet. If you want to become the best version of yourself, stop complaining about your situation and do something about it. You're welcome. :-)
Within the last month, I have encountered many people who want to live a certain lifestyle and own particular possessions. Put simply, they want what they don't have. What happens when people want something, but don't have it? Many people I know spend their time complaining about their situation. "Why does she get everything she wants?" "How come he keeps getting promotions over me?" "I can't understand why people think (insert name here) is better than me. It's really frustrating." This used to be me. Growing up, I wanted to be the person who was successful, but wanted to spend more time complaining about my current situation. Guess what happened when I approached life with this mentality? I drove myself crazy, was constantly frustrated, and had a difficult time appreciating what I had in my life. Needless to say, it was not healthy.
A couple years ago, I was out in the job market looking for a job. At first, I was pessimistic. It frustrated me when other people found jobs. Why couldn't I find work? Was there something wrong with me? Did my years of school mean nothing?!? I'll let you be the judge of how bitter I used to be. One day, it hit me out of no where. The years of schooling and previous years of employment didn't matter if I spent my time complaining. From this moment, I stopped complaining about my situation and started doing something about it. I attended many networking meetings, networked my rear end off with people, and figured out who I was and what I truly wanted to do with my life. Once I did this, I spent less time complaining and more time making success happen.
When I look at myself in the mirror, I am proud of how far I've come. I know I am successful because of hard work, persistence, assertiveness, and determination. Focusing my energy in a positive way has helped me to become the best version of myself yet. If you want to become the best version of yourself, stop complaining about your situation and do something about it. You're welcome. :-)
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