Have you ever done something nice for someone else? Was it because you were expected to or because you truly wanted to help? Let's say it's because you truly wanted to help. Did you help in a way that catered to your strengths or did you help in a way others wanted you to? The last question may or may not seem obvious. I was asked this question once and thought it was a simple answer. However, a recent event challenged my perception of the question.
Last week, I sat at a group meeting for an hour. To protect the group's identity, I will refer to the group as HELP. At HELP, they discussed ways others, who are not part of their community, can help advocate for their cause. In the middle of the meeting, I announced that I was one of those people and I wanted to help their cause in a different way, a way I knew very well. The way I knew would give them a voice and that voice would be explained to many people. Again, I can't give away what I proposed because I need to protect the group. To my surprise, the reaction was not received well. I received looks of shock, to the point where one girl looked scared. There was silence in the room for a good 30 seconds. The group members basically brushed off what I said and wanted to hear what the group members thought.
Hello?!? How can they expect their supporters to help them if they don't let their supporters help in ways they know how to help? Why is it that HELP is limited in their definition of help? Do they realize they pushed away a supportive person that night? Now, I can't say that I have given up on the cause HELP promotes, but the ways HELP reacted to my help made me feel "othered."
If you run an organization and you need all of the support and allies you can get, listen to what your allies have to say. Understand that each supporter and ally is unique and each can contribute in different ways. If you are an ally or supporter of any group and the group wants you to help based on their standards of helping, then you have every right to walk away. If a group truly wants your help, then they should be open-minded to what you have to offer.
Sunday, April 26, 2015
Sunday, April 19, 2015
Are You Having an Identity Crisis?
Do you know who you are? Could you effectively describe yourself to someone you've never met? When you talk about yourself, do you talk about the same few things or do you talk about a variety of topics? If you know exactly who you are and can communicate you effectively, I give you all the props in the world.
Many people I know cannot describe who they are; I used to be this way. I started school when I was 2 years old and went straight through till I was 26 years old. Okay, okay. I took a semester off to work in Admissions for a local college. Then, I went back to graduate school. Throughout my school years, I earned countless awards and received positive recognition for my accomplishments. At the ripe age of 26, I earned my Master's degree. What do I do now?!?
I spent countless hours creating cover letters and resumes, but had no luck. A month later, I joined a networking group to help me become an ideal candidate for a job. At my first meeting, I introduced myself, but my introduction was different. Everyone else communicated their name, the industry they were from, and the job they wanted. I could do the first 2, but the last one stumped me. I improvised and made everyone in the room laugh. Although I was successful at creating a first impression, why was I there? Who was I? What did I represent? Why was I there?
It was scary to realize I had no career plan. My entire identity was tied to education: research; professional experience; volunteer opportunities; and service experience. My portfolio was impressive....but not to industry professionals. I felt defeated and worthless. I spent the next few months taking personality, job, and industry assessments. Regardless of the number of hours I put into the assessments, along with networking, attending meetings, going on interviews, and polishing my cover letters and resumes, I still didn't know what I was after.
One day, someone asked me: "If you could do one job that would make you happy and you had to do it for free, what would it be?" At that moment, I knew the answer was right in front of my face the entire time; I wanted to be a Professor of Communication. For so long, I thought I was wasting my time. To my surprise, I needed to go through the self-awareness journey to figure out what I really wanted.
Going through the self-awareness journey taught me that I cannot place so much of my identity on one thing. When that thing (education) went away, I felt like my identity was gone forever. However, my identity was never gone; I needed to discover it. Yes, I did stay in education, but I no longer use it as my sole source of identity. I have hobbies, unique experiences, and things that make me unique. If you're going through an identity crisis, ask yourself why that may be the case. If you're trying to figure out who you are, take a detour. Go to places you've never been, talk to people you don't know, and make yourself vulnerable. By doing this, you will find who you are.
Many people I know cannot describe who they are; I used to be this way. I started school when I was 2 years old and went straight through till I was 26 years old. Okay, okay. I took a semester off to work in Admissions for a local college. Then, I went back to graduate school. Throughout my school years, I earned countless awards and received positive recognition for my accomplishments. At the ripe age of 26, I earned my Master's degree. What do I do now?!?
I spent countless hours creating cover letters and resumes, but had no luck. A month later, I joined a networking group to help me become an ideal candidate for a job. At my first meeting, I introduced myself, but my introduction was different. Everyone else communicated their name, the industry they were from, and the job they wanted. I could do the first 2, but the last one stumped me. I improvised and made everyone in the room laugh. Although I was successful at creating a first impression, why was I there? Who was I? What did I represent? Why was I there?
It was scary to realize I had no career plan. My entire identity was tied to education: research; professional experience; volunteer opportunities; and service experience. My portfolio was impressive....but not to industry professionals. I felt defeated and worthless. I spent the next few months taking personality, job, and industry assessments. Regardless of the number of hours I put into the assessments, along with networking, attending meetings, going on interviews, and polishing my cover letters and resumes, I still didn't know what I was after.
One day, someone asked me: "If you could do one job that would make you happy and you had to do it for free, what would it be?" At that moment, I knew the answer was right in front of my face the entire time; I wanted to be a Professor of Communication. For so long, I thought I was wasting my time. To my surprise, I needed to go through the self-awareness journey to figure out what I really wanted.
Going through the self-awareness journey taught me that I cannot place so much of my identity on one thing. When that thing (education) went away, I felt like my identity was gone forever. However, my identity was never gone; I needed to discover it. Yes, I did stay in education, but I no longer use it as my sole source of identity. I have hobbies, unique experiences, and things that make me unique. If you're going through an identity crisis, ask yourself why that may be the case. If you're trying to figure out who you are, take a detour. Go to places you've never been, talk to people you don't know, and make yourself vulnerable. By doing this, you will find who you are.
Friday, April 3, 2015
Have You Swept Under the Rug lately?
Do you want what you don't have? When you see pictures and posts of people living a happy and good life on social media, are you envious? Have you ever felt disappointed in yourself because you didn't achieve X by a certain age? Do you think you're a failure because the cards didn't align the way they were supposed to? If you said yes to any question I posed, then you're not alone.
Most days, it's easy for me to blow off the small things. However, I feel weakness every now and then; today is one of those days. Let's see, buy a home? I won't experience that anytime soon. I still have a few more years of school yet and have to work and achieve tenure before this thought realistically crosses my mind. Go on a vacation? Unless it's for an academic conference, forget this. Having a night out with friends? Hi, have you heard of graduate school? What are friends? Oh yes, they are journal articles, a computer, and textbooks. Gray hairs, why must you make me look like Rogue? Pay raise? What's that? Seeing people who are loved by everyone? As a person who follows the beat to my own drummer, I will never experience that feeling.
As you can see, what I am experiencing is not positive. If the nature of my blog is to help you become the better version of yourself, then why would I share my nasty thoughts with you? I am a human being. As a human being, I am not perfect. I am as flawed as the next person. However, if I am going to become the better version of myself, then I have to address the fact that I have these kinds of thoughts. It's easy to sweep them under the rug and pretend they don't exist, but that can open up pandora's box in the future.
If you are on your way to becoming a better person, acknowledge the flaws you have, the negative feelings you feel, and address the things that could hold you back. When you do this, you are giving yourself the courage to fight and conquer. By sharing my feelings of weakness with you, it is my hope that it gives you the strength to confront your own feelings of weakness and become better than you were yesterday.
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