Life Isn't So Bad After All

Have you ever thought about the lessons you've learned throughout your life? What makes these lessons significant in your mind? How have these lessons shaped your perception of reality? If you try to answer these questions right away, you may end up selling yourself short.

Growing up, I was taught that I could achieve anything I put my mind to; the size of the goal didn't matter. Throughout school, I did well and was confident that success would come each time I performed to the best of my ability. At this point, the lesson I learned was this: if I worked hard, I would be rewarded for it.

As I progressed in school, I started to realize that success didn't always happen as a result of hard work. I questioned why people who were less deserving (they didn't work as hard) kept winning. Initially, it motivated me to try harder, but when the same people kept winning every award, receiving all the scholarships, and getting opportunities they weren't qualified for, my perception of what was real was distorted, which created dissonance. The lesson I learned was this: no matter how hard I tried, if I didn't know the right people (and they knew me), didn't have the right last name, or didn't kiss butt, I wouldn't be rewarded for hard work. I bet you can only imagine how bitter I was during this point in my life.

One day, my reality shifted again. It happened when I was accepted into graduate school. I was actually accepted into a program because of ability to work hard. It was the first time, in a long time, merit was valued over politics. It was this day I realized the world isn't such a bad place after all. The lesson I learned was this: Politics do exist. Many people gain opportunities because they effectively network. However, I now know hard work is valued by some. 

When I think about my life progression, I've realized that everything works itself out. Sometimes, life can be unfair and not work out the way I want it to. However, I have learned to accept the negative times because they make the positive times better. Sometimes, life has a funny way of developing my perception of reality, but my perception can change at any time. What I am saying is that I am in control of how I perceive the events that happen in my life. Think about the events that have happened in your life. Did something unfortunate happen? If so, how has it improved? How has the event shaped your perception of reality? 

Follow the Leader or Lead the Followers?

Why are leaders sought after in every organization? How many times have you been asked about your ability to lead? Do people look down on you if you don't have leadership qualities? I can't tell you how many times the concept of leadership has been shoved down my throat. Over the past few years, I've attended my fair share of leadership seminars, taken college courses pertaining to leadership, and have spouted the leadership gospel in interviews. I've also had the opportunity to demonstrate my leadership skills in networking groups, volunteer organizations, and at work.

I value the art of being an effective leader. I firmly believe that every organization needs someone effective to lead the masses to success. However, I've recently began questioning the concept of the follower. Why are followers not valued like leaders? Is it because they aren't responsible for making important decisions? Are followers perceived to be lazy because they have less responsibility? Is it safe to be a follower? I don't doubt that these questions could be answered with "yes."

Through my experiences, I have developed a different perception of what it means to be a follower. I know some can abuse this position, but I also don't view followers as feeble-minded people that blindly go through life drug around in a wagon. In all actuality, the position of the follower is a great one. For starters, there are more followers than leaders. If there was no one to lead, then what's the point of having a leader? As an educator, I see life as a giant classroom; we never stop learning. Being a follower gives followers the opportunity to leverage themselves and learn from great leaders. Learning from them decreases the odds of making rookie mistakes. Followers can help leaders become better. Just because the follower position yields less responsibility doesn't mean they have no input.

We can't control every situation we're put in. There will be times when the leader must take command and be the bad guy. On the flip side, there are also times when leaders must learn from their followers. The title of follower doesn't mean a person is less than human. It means they contribute in a different way. If both work together and truly understand each other's roles, then they will grow and become better for the experience. If you become frustrated and forget everything I've written, then remember this: "It takes two to tango." -Anonymous

Thank Your Past

Do you remember what 10 years ago looked like? What do those memories look like? Are you proud of them? How have those memories impacted who you are today? In another 10 years, how will you perceive those memories? I remember 10 years ago as if it were yesterday. Once in a while, I will wake up and wonder how 10 years flashed before my eyes.

The number 10 popped up in my mind because of recent self-reflection. A decade ago, I was in my senior year of high school. When I think about my senior year, many thoughts appear in my mind as clear as water. I remember scrambling down the tight hallways, at school, rushing to make it to class on time. Sometimes, teachers actually taught the students. When they didn't, most students would talk to each other. I, however, kept to myself. I had a couple friends. Those friends had other friends; I did not. Many days, I felt alone. I didn't belong to a clique. Parties on weekends and phone calls after school did not exist. Dating was not part of my vocabulary. Instead of attending football and basketball games with classmates, I swiped my plastic card to clock in at work. Each shift, I would wear my over-sized smock with a tee shirt, jeans, and tennis shoes. I was a great employee who exceeded expectations consistently. During each work break, I studied for quizzes and exams. I think I always had a text book or a set of vocabulary flash cards with me. I was a loner.

Why am I reflecting on the past? I will tell you why. My past made me who I am today. Did I sound lame? Perhaps, I did. However, there are benefits to being the unpopular pick. As a loner, I didn't have to worry about fitting into a clique. Fitting into a clique would mean conforming just to fit in. Since I was not part of a clique, I know who I am and am proud of myself. Typically, when people conform to fit into a group, they may try things they don't want to. I was never pressured to drink, smoke, or use illegal substances. I still choose to live a life without involving these substances. Many would say I dedicated too much time to my studies. Guess what? I love school! In fact, I love learning so much that I decided to dedicate my life to school.

Each past experience has shaped who I am today. I thank my past because it has enriched my life. I am not fond of the majority of memories, but I am fond of what the future holds. Each day, I get to live the life I want to, not the life others want me to live. If I meet others who want to share life experiences with me along the way, then that's fine. If not, that's fine, too. Regardless, I will continue to be the wise loner.

Which One Do You Choose?

When is the last time you picked up the phoned and called someone, simply because you enjoy their conversation? How did the conversation go? What did you two discuss? I ask these questions because a traditional phone conversation has almost become obsolete. Text messenger, e-mail, Facebook, and other messaging tools have taken over. These services are convenient, quick, and easy to use. It is amazing to know that a message will await me when I log onto my social media sites or open my phone, but there's something missing.

Each time I communicate with people online or on my mobile device, it seems like the human aspect of conversation is missing. Writing words can communicate a message effectively, but hearing someone's voice takes the communicative experience to a different level. Each time I communicate with someone over the telephone. I engage my senses. Hearing a loved one's voice means more to me than reading words on a screen.

Growing up, my mom and I were very close. Some would say we are best friends. Naturally, I grew up and moved out. When I moved out, I missed my mom a lot. Luckily, I did not live too far away. If I missed her, I could drive a half an hour and it felt like I never left. Recently, I relocated to a different part of Ohio. Now, I live a lot farther than I used to. If I want to see her, I have to strategically plan the trip. It is the first time she is not within driving distance. Each day, I miss her more than the previous day.

I know I cannot see her when I want, but I can still keep in contact with her. I make it a priority to call her once a week. It is easy to talk to her for hours, but it seems like we only have minutes. One minute, we start talking. The next minute, it has been two hours. Talking to her, on the phone, has helped me to cope with the transition. I would rather have a quality conversation with her over the telephone than receive a text message.

Next time you find yourself missing someone, pick up the phone and make a phone call. It could make someone's day, rekindle a past relationship, or build a foundation for a future one. Each time you talk to someone could be the last time. Cherish the relationships you have with people. Media are trendy and convenient, but don't become lost in it. Instead, recognize why it exists and what it's intended to accomplish. Then, think about the intention of a phone call. If you only had one more opportunity to communicate with someone, and you could not do it face-to-face, which form of communication would you choose?