Have you ever looked at someone and wished you could be as confident, self-assured, and as likable as them? If not, then do you admire how patient, calm, and empathetic someone can be? What I asked may not resonate with you, but you may know someone who is this way.
Each person I've ever met has admired someone because of characteristics s/he finds appealing or attractive. Typically, the people I've met have desired certain characteristics in a person because s/he views them as a measure of success. "If I am fearless in any situation, I will be unstoppable." "If I more fun, I would be liked more." Do these statements sound familiar? If so, I can relate. I have thought about these types of statements for years. In fact, I thought about them so much that they consumed my life.
For a long time, I was envious of those who "had it all". I could spend all day looking at their lavish lifestyles, how they were perfectly manicured, and how they received high praise from others. Over time, I have learned to not focus on the artificial aspects of their lives. Instead, I learned to focus on who successful people are and what makes them successful. I have learned that successful people are successful because of key characteristics. I admire Donald Trump's ability to be decisive, Oprah's ability to show compassion, and Jeff Dunham's ability to make people laugh, while using his gift of ventriloquism. As I study the characteristics I like in each person, then I look at myself and brainstorm how I can use their characteristics to leverage success in my own life.
Since I have done this, I have made great strides. I think the greatest stride I've made thus far is to stop making excuses. Growing up, I blamed many external circumstances for my lack of success. I blamed politics, childhood, socioeconomic status, and much more for my lack of success. Guess what? It always ended badly. One day, I had to stop making excuses for my actions, own up to them, and make success happen instead of letting someone take my opportunities and options away from me. How has this happened? It is because I observed this in every successful person I've ever seen or met, regardless of status in society.
What I am telling you is that you are responsible for your successes in life. Bad things can happen to anyone; what matters is how you act in each situation. If you emulate those who are successful, you will be better for the experience. You may become impatient initially, but some of the greatest things in life have to be built from the ground up. It's time to build your foundation for success.
Thursday, June 26, 2014
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
Honesty is the Best Policy
When you think about who you are, what comes to your mind? Do you think about your appearance, personality, actions you take in your life, or is it something else? Now, think about what came to your mind. Why do you think you thought of what you did (i.e., why did your personality come before everything else)? It's important to answer this because it will help you to become honest with yourself.
"Honest...with myself?!? Of course I am honest with myself. It's me for crying out loud!" Does that statement sound familiar? If so, you're not alone. I have muttered that statement more times than I care to admit. I live with myself each day. How could I not know who I am? As I learn about myself, I have come to learn that being honest with myself is one of the hardest things I've ever done.
For many years, I tried to impress the wrong people. I wanted to fit in with people who didn't like me for me. I used to drink with people at bars because I wanted to be seen as social and outgoing, hung out with people who were mean because I thought it equated to social capital, and altered my personality dramatically to appease certain guys I dated in the past. The truth is that I found it to be difficult to be honest with myself.
One day, I decided to cut the crap and start living an honest life. First, I stopped going to bars because I can't stand the bar scene; I don't even like alcohol. Second, I stopped hanging out with mean people because they were mentally draining. Lastly, I stopped trying to be what a guy wanted me to be and started being myself. I was very honest on dates. Guess what? A second date didn't happen 99.99% of the time, and that's okay.
As I remained true to who I am, there have been people along the way who have tried to bring me down to their level. When this happens, I remind myself who I am. It's not always easy to be true to who you are, but it is well worth it. You will attract people who are like you, become comfortable in your own skin, and learn to love who you are. I have adopted the motto "honesty is the best policy" and have never been happier. If you adopt the same motto, I think you will find happiness, too.
Thursday, June 12, 2014
What's Stopping You?
What do you fear? When you think about your fear, how does your body physically react to it? Now, what words come to mind? Do the physical symptoms or the mental words impact your fear more? After you answer this, start to question why one takes precedence over the other.
Fear is something that can get in the way of success. If the fear is strong enough, it can take over every part of one's life. Growing up, I had a fear of public speaking. Over time, I kept giving speeches and now enjoy speaking in front of any size audience. Then, I developed a fear of failure. Each time I didn't achieve what I wanted, I became disappointed. It got to the point where I didn't try as hard and blamed external things for my failure. One day, I had enough of this and put an end to it. Later on, I developed a fear of success. Each time I came close to doing well, something always stopped me from achieving my dreams. I had to put an end to this by eliminating certain people from my life and surround myself with people who supported my dreams and are positive influences.
When you look at the fears I have encountered, who or what do you think stopped me from being the best I could be? If it is not obvious, the answer is me. I stopped myself from being successful. For a long time, I thought my fear of public speaking developed because of the number of people present in the audience. WRONG! It developed because I was an outcast and I didn't want to be made fun of for being different. the fear of failure developed because I didn't give everything my all. Yes, there will be times when I don't get my way. Guess what? That's okay. Life works itself out. I developed a fear of success because I was afraid of being different. Most people around me weren't happy people and weren't afraid of bringing everyone down to their level. Instead of surrounding myself with these people, I chose to be around different people who also want success and be surrounded by successful people.
Making changes isn't always easy. Sometimes, these changes can be the scariest to make. Who knows what the outcome can be?! I cannot predict the future, but I can tell you that the end result is worth it. shifting gears and taking control of your life will be one of the best things you can do for yourself and your future. It's time to stop letting other things and people dictate the direction of your life. At the end of the day, you control your outcome. When in doubt, repeat this phrase: "I will not stop me."
Fear is something that can get in the way of success. If the fear is strong enough, it can take over every part of one's life. Growing up, I had a fear of public speaking. Over time, I kept giving speeches and now enjoy speaking in front of any size audience. Then, I developed a fear of failure. Each time I didn't achieve what I wanted, I became disappointed. It got to the point where I didn't try as hard and blamed external things for my failure. One day, I had enough of this and put an end to it. Later on, I developed a fear of success. Each time I came close to doing well, something always stopped me from achieving my dreams. I had to put an end to this by eliminating certain people from my life and surround myself with people who supported my dreams and are positive influences.
When you look at the fears I have encountered, who or what do you think stopped me from being the best I could be? If it is not obvious, the answer is me. I stopped myself from being successful. For a long time, I thought my fear of public speaking developed because of the number of people present in the audience. WRONG! It developed because I was an outcast and I didn't want to be made fun of for being different. the fear of failure developed because I didn't give everything my all. Yes, there will be times when I don't get my way. Guess what? That's okay. Life works itself out. I developed a fear of success because I was afraid of being different. Most people around me weren't happy people and weren't afraid of bringing everyone down to their level. Instead of surrounding myself with these people, I chose to be around different people who also want success and be surrounded by successful people.
Making changes isn't always easy. Sometimes, these changes can be the scariest to make. Who knows what the outcome can be?! I cannot predict the future, but I can tell you that the end result is worth it. shifting gears and taking control of your life will be one of the best things you can do for yourself and your future. It's time to stop letting other things and people dictate the direction of your life. At the end of the day, you control your outcome. When in doubt, repeat this phrase: "I will not stop me."
Thursday, June 5, 2014
What is Success?
Have you ever been asked a question pertaining to your definition of success? If so, do you give an answer people expect to hear? Do you feel good after you give your answer or do you think you compromise who you are to please others? I want you to be completely honest with yourself.
The first time I came across the success question was during high school. From there on out, it emerged consistently. Each time I heard someone else answer this type of question, all I could think is "Why?!?" Why would someone give a cookie cutter answer? Is it to please everyone else? Was there nothing better to say? Did the people look up their answers online? Why can't anyone be original?!?
To put things into perspective, these are the types of answers that were most common:
-"My definition of success is getting back on the horse one more time than I fall."
-"When I think about success, I think about the mistakes I made in the past and have learned from them. Then, I used the lessons I learned along the way to become a better person, which has shaped my perspective on what success looks like."
-"Success means living life to its fullest. If I live a good life and surround myself with positive, uplifting people, then I have achieved success."
The examples I gave above could be true for some. If it is your true definition of success, then who am I to say what's right or wrong? All I am saying is that if you want to be successful in life, you have to be honest with yourself and define your own meaning.
Here's what I want you to do: develop your own meaning of success. When you develop your own meaning, think about the following questions:
-What do you want to accomplish professionally and personally?
-What is your driving force each day?
-What or who makes you proud?
-What inspires you to keep pushing each day?
If you can be honest with yourself, then your definition of success will come naturally. It is not something that needs to be looked up online, read from a book, or uttered from someone else's mouth. It is your authentic definition that cannot be replicated. At the end of the day, ask yourself this question: Would you rather be a carbon copy or the original? After you answer it, determine how your answer can shape what success is to you.
The first time I came across the success question was during high school. From there on out, it emerged consistently. Each time I heard someone else answer this type of question, all I could think is "Why?!?" Why would someone give a cookie cutter answer? Is it to please everyone else? Was there nothing better to say? Did the people look up their answers online? Why can't anyone be original?!?
To put things into perspective, these are the types of answers that were most common:
-"My definition of success is getting back on the horse one more time than I fall."
-"When I think about success, I think about the mistakes I made in the past and have learned from them. Then, I used the lessons I learned along the way to become a better person, which has shaped my perspective on what success looks like."
-"Success means living life to its fullest. If I live a good life and surround myself with positive, uplifting people, then I have achieved success."
The examples I gave above could be true for some. If it is your true definition of success, then who am I to say what's right or wrong? All I am saying is that if you want to be successful in life, you have to be honest with yourself and define your own meaning.
Here's what I want you to do: develop your own meaning of success. When you develop your own meaning, think about the following questions:
-What do you want to accomplish professionally and personally?
-What is your driving force each day?
-What or who makes you proud?
-What inspires you to keep pushing each day?
If you can be honest with yourself, then your definition of success will come naturally. It is not something that needs to be looked up online, read from a book, or uttered from someone else's mouth. It is your authentic definition that cannot be replicated. At the end of the day, ask yourself this question: Would you rather be a carbon copy or the original? After you answer it, determine how your answer can shape what success is to you.
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