Do Motives Keep You Down?

Do you question the motives of others? If so, why? What triggers set off alarms in your head? Have you been screwed over one too many times? Did one major experience ruin something profound? Regardless of what the instance was, your reasons for questioning motives are yours; you are allowed to feel the way you do. If you're bitter, scared, or overly cautious, you probably have a good reason to be. Even if someone has their own story and the story is different from what you've seen in the past, you're probably going to be curious as to why the person is behaving a different way.

I, like many people I know, do question the motives of others. I want to see the good in others and in situations, but it can be difficult to do this. For example, I am a firm believer that people should earn everything based on hard work and merit. I can't stand it when they insist on kissing butt with the intent of not working as hard. If I see people kissing butt, I question credibility instantly. Why can't people earn an opportunity based on their own merit and where are the shortcomings? Does it motivate me to work that much harder? Absolutely! If I were to let one's shortcomings affect my performance, then I wouldn't be any better than the person kissing butt.

Yesterday, the snow kept falling down. My husband and I had to go to the grocery store to pick up a few things. Shoveling the road was not our idea of a good time. It wasn't just powdery snow. It was heavy snow that was compressed together by the snow plow truck. Plus, there was a layer of ice underneath the snow. In the midst of our shoveling adventure, a man kept walking back and forth with his own shovel. He never asked us for help. We guessed he wanted to shovel driveways for profit. People don't want to pay for that service in our neighborhood, but he walked past us at least 5 times. I questioned his motives in that situation. If he wasn't going to profit, why wouldn't he offer to help us? Couldn't he have helped us for the sake of helping others? At the same time, I felt bad because I was judging his motives without knowing his story. Was he unemployed or laid off? Did someone else in his family need the money? My instinct is to question his motives, but who am I to do this?

There will be many times when you question certain situations. If something has impacted you enough, then it is difficult not to do so. I wish I could say my thoughts were pure and innocent, but they are not. I wanted to share my story with you because becoming a better person doesn't happen over night. I do believe with time and patience, the way in which I question motives will improve. For now, I have come to terms with the fact that I am not blameless and that I can improve in this area.

Do You Know What You Have?

"You don't know what you've got till it's gone." "Once something's gone, you can't go back in time and retrieve it." "Enjoy what you have now because it'll be gone before you know it." Do these statements sound familiar? I can't tell you how any variations of these statements I've heard throughout the years. The broken record everyone preached used to annoy me; now, I understand why the record plays at the same spot.

It feels weird to say this, but I have become one of those people. I normally wouldn't wish to go back in time, but this is a rare exception. If I could go back in time, I would tell my past self that things don't get easier. Each night, I have to use a heating pad on my back. If I don't, a certain spot on my back aches. When I move, it feels like I am trying to stretch a rope instead of a rubber band. Let's not forget to acknowledge the fact that I used to survive on all nighters. Now, if I don't get enough sleep in one night, I will be in a sour mood the entire day. I could wear heels all day a few years ago. That's now gone, too. When I wear them, I have to wear special inserts inside of them and I have to strategically choose when to wear them throughout the day. I'm now used to paying bills, shopping for groceries on a regular basis instead of clothes, and make time for cooking meals each night. Life seemed simpler when the rent payment wasn't due the first of each month. When I didn't have many of life's worries and concerns on my plate, I didn't realize it. It was easy to take it for granted; I didn't know any better.

I know I can't get that part of my life back and that trivial issues are gone forever. Do you want to know a secret? It's not always easy, but I am embracing it. Now that I know I can't get those times back, I have learned to appreciate the current times. Being an adult student is difficult financially, but I am embracing the fact that I can explore life without being tied down to a desk and I get to spend more time with my family. My body is going through unpleasant changes, but I know it's nothing compared to what other people go through. There will be a point in my life when these moments are gone and I can't get them back. I don't want to look back on my life and wish I had done something different. If I embrace the current situation and know what I have, it will set me up for success for the rest of my life.

Are You Moving Up?

Did last year fly by quicker than any other year? If you could have predicted what your life would look like at this very moment, would you have been correct? Are you happy with the way your life has turned out or do you wish your life was better? When I look at my current life, it is much different than I ever imagined it would be.

A little over 2 years ago, I was unsure what my life would look like. I graduated with my master's degree and didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. I attended more networking meetings than I care to admit, drove more hours than I thought was possible, learned more about interviews, resumes, and cover letters than a school career center ever taught, and spent countless hours trying to figure out "who I am" and "what I wanted" for myself. This was not a pretty time in my life. I was envious of those who seemed to have it all together. I remember thinking how bad I wanted to have it all together.

When I look at myself today, I would not have predicted the current situation I am in. I realized the job I wanted was in front of my eyes, my husband was in front of my eyes, and the path to a good life was in front of my eyes. It was all obvious, but I was blinded by the shutters others created to listen to my instincts. If I would have trusted myself, I would have saved myself from a lot of heartbreak and opportunities I turned down because  "they weren't right" at the time.

If you look at the current life you're living and aren't happy with it, what are you going to do about it? If you're not sure where to begin, ask yourself this question: Does what you want make you happy? Be completely honest with yourself and don't second guess your decision. If you say yes, but are hesitant, then it isn't the right decision for you. When you can answer "yes" with confidence, then it is most likely the right choice. After you determine what will make you happy, determine what you need to do to make happiness happen. Trust me when I say it won't be easy, painless, effortless, or convenient. Many days will probably be frustrating, give you headaches, and confusing, but I promise that your happiness is worth it.