Are You a Bully?

"Why can't I lose that last five pounds? I just want to be back to my high school/pre-pregnancy/ college weight." "No matter how hard I study, I can't get above a B to save my life." "I have spent so much time trying to make myself look good, but (insert name of person) won't even look twice." Do these statements sound familiar? When you think about them, do you become frustrated? Does life seem like a losing battle? Fear not. Yours truly can relate to you.

Throughout my life, I was really mean to myself. I never thought I was thin enough to wear a swimsuit, pretty enough to get a date, smart enough to get the most prestigious scholarships, talented enough to win a contest, cool enough to fit in, and poised enough to be taken seriously. Trust me when I say a diet of eggs and grapefruit juice/Lean Cuisine meals, wearing enough makeup to make a 15 year old look 24,  and being the embodiment of a brand whore is not the way to improve yourself. I was that person; it didn't work. I was a hypocrite. I hated bullies, but I was one of my biggest bullies. Do you know how much energy it took to strongly dislike myself? I could have stared at myself in the mirror for hours and dissected myself. Sometimes, I think I made myself cry.

As time went on, I started to become more comfortable in my own skin. Instead of blaming outside circumstances and the genetic lottery for my shortcomings, I started to focus on what I could control. I cut back my food portions and focus on savoring my bites rather than scarfing my meal down in two bites. I learned how to apply makeup in a way that was age appropriate. Poise developed as I became a working professional. My intelligence is constantly evolving. I have made peace with the fact that I am not like everyone else in the world and now embrace my quirks.

Sometimes, there will be things that are beyond your control. However, if you are not happy with who you are, only you can stop bullying yourself and start being kind to you. After I stopped bullying myself, I noticed a difference in myself. For starters, I am now happier than I have ever been. Beyond this, I went from thriving in dramatic situations to avoiding them like the plague; negative energy is not healthy. In the past, I engaged academics from a position of competitiveness and criticism. Now, I engage them from a position of maturity and professional growth. Put simply, I have learned to accept who I am and to embrace the shoes I walk in daily.