Know Thyself

What are your strengths? How do you make decisions? What motivates you? Do these questions sound familiar to you? If so, then you may know why I ask these questions. If not, then I will fill you in. At job interviews, on dates, and others occasions that require you to answer these questions, we, as a society, may spend ample time trying to figure out the answers. It should be the easiest question, but it seems like people struggle to find the words.

Why do people struggle? To be honest, I don't have a definitive answer. However, I do know one thing. Why do you think people value critical and analytical thinking skills?! Many people have a difficult time figuring out something when it's not obvious. It must be spelled out; the guess work must go away.

Think about it, if the words were written out, in front of people, to describe who they are, then it would make sense. Those words would somehow resonate meaning would be developed. How does this happen? Do you ask someone else to describe you? Perhaps, but you may not like what you hear. You may get the wrong answer and develop thoughts that aren't true to you.

Recently, I've clicked away to the path of self-discovery. I was tired of trying to figure out who I am and getting no where. After hours of clicking, I have seen assessment tools that tried to tell me who I am, but I still wasn't satisfied.What I needed were assessment tools to help me figure out my natural, innate strengths. This is not to be confused with perceived strengths that society dictates. When you know your strengths, you develop a deeper understanding of you, how you lead, and make decisions.

There are two assessments I highly recommend. The first one is an activity that comes out of Jay Niblick's book titled What's Your Genius? In this book, he will coach you on finding your natural talents. There's a series of activities that you will complete online. After completing these, you will use them to progress through the book. I think all activities are important, but the one I was most impressed with was number three. Once you complete it, you should receive the results in two weeks. http://workbook.whatsyourgenius.com/users/login Click on the link, create a free account, and you will have access to the activities.

The other assessment tool I recommend is this: http://freestrengthsfinder.workuno.com/1-free-strengthsfinder-test.html This assessment tool will assess you based on 34 different natural, innate strengths. After you complete it, the results will be available right away. the 34 strengths will be listed in your best order.

After completing these assessments, you may be wondering what the next step is. After you receive your results, take a good look at your entire life. Look at every job you've held, every leadership opportunity, family dynamics, etc. Based on your strengths, you will see a pattern. Once the pattern becomes obvious, you will be able to start focusing your entire life on your strengths and not rely on events that require you to use your weaknesses.

Honor Your Words

Does it annoy you when someone cannot keep his or her word? When you make plans, does someone cancel on you at the last minute, without proper justification? Do you become agitated when someone makes plans with you, doesn't acknowledge that plans have been made, and makes other ones? If you've experienced what I just mentioned, then you are not alone. 

You may be wondering why people behave this way. The answer is simple: we allow it. I understand that everyone is human; humans do make mistakes. However, think about it. Do you wait for the late person over and over again? More likely than not, you have at one time. If a group member commits to building the PowerPoint but "didn't have time to get to it," would you let the person get away with it? You may not have, but I speculate that others would accept this behavior.

Let's put an end to this problem today. It can go away with a few simple solutions:

1) Confront yourself. Ask yourself if you are notorious for not keeping your word. The first step to solving any problem is admitting you have a problem.

2) If you cannot commit to your words, ask yourself why this is the case. Did you grow up in a family culture that doesn't care about punctuality? Does it give you the control you crave in your life?

3) Implement time management into your life. I cannot speak for each person, but I speculate that those who implement successful time management techniques are usually on time. 

4) Stop tolerating those who are inconsistent. If someone is more than 20 minutes late and has no reason to be, then leave! It's harsh, but the person will know not to be late again. 

5) If you voluntarily surround yourself with people like this, you may need a new social circle. 

If you honor your words, people will trust you. You will become the person who is recognized for following through on assignments and requests. When you honor your words, you gain a sense of self, have a better understanding of how much you can handle in a day, and will gain the respect you deserve.

Is The Grass Really Greener on the Other Side?

How many times per day do you think people complain? If I had to speculate, I'd say the average person complains 20-30 times per day. Please don't hold me to this number. Some complain more and some complain less. My speculation may seem like a large range, but if you break it down, it makes sense. Have you complained about the number of hours you've worked recently? Was the cashier, at the grocery store, rude? Did a driver cut you off because you were driving too slow? Each complaint adds up fast.

If you hold in your feelings, those feelings bottle up; you become frustrated. If you say something too often, people become annoyed and don't want to listen to you anymore. It seems as if there is no correct balance for an acceptable number of complaints. It's really a catch 22.

In all honesty, I think it's normal to complain or vent. Think about it, who prefers to let injustices rule our world? The last time I checked, the answer to this is no one. Complaining isn't necessarily the problem. I think the problem is that people subtly forget to be grateful for what s/he has in life.

When it was 2 degrees outside, did you have heat in your home? Is your house made out of poo? Do you fear for your life each time you take a sip of water? Were you diagnosed with a rare form of cancer that has no cure? If you answered no to every question, then I think you're better off than you think.

As a society, we spend so much time wanting to be on the other side of the grass. What if the other side isn't greener? Would you go back to your current situation? The next time you complain about what's going on around you, ask yourself if your complaint will be relevant tomorrow. How about in a month? In a year? If it's not, then what's the problem?

The point I am making is to make the best with what you have currently. It may not be the ideal situation, but it's the situation that's currently in your lap. If you're unsatisfied to the point where you're no longer happy, then find a way to change it. Regardless of your situation, be grateful for what you have. It could always be worse.

Is "Can't" Your Crutch?

"I can't go to class today. I have a headache." "I want that jacket, but I can't afford it." "I can't complete this assignment because I don't have Internet access at home." Do you know of someone who's declared a similar statement? Have you verbal vomited one of the unmentionables? At one point or another, most people have.

I think people confuse the words can't and able. Can't is when you legitimately cannot do something; it's a handicap. Able means you're capable of doing something, but something could hinder you from achieving a task at hand; this is a disability. For example, Let's say someone is in a wheel chair. In order for this person to get around, things like elevators and wheel chair ramps must be available. If these things are available, the person can still get around. Even though s/he may or may not be able to walk, the resources are available to get around. If the resources are not there and no one will pick the person up, then the person cannot get around.

Keeping that perspective in mind, think back to the unmentionables I mentioned earlier. I hope you see how people use the word can't as a crutch. It's simply an excuse. If you really want to do something, and you had the resources available to make it happen, you would fly to the moon and back. Even if you don't have all the resources you need, you'd still find a way to make something work.

Let's refocus the word can't. Instead of saying you can't do something, say you choose not to do it. Which statement sounds better? A)"I can't afford to buy the iPhone." B)"I choose not to purchase the iPhone." I think statement B sounds better. Statement A implies that you physically do not have the money to buy the iPhone. This could be the case, but it can decrease your level of worth. Statement B implies that you choose how you spend your money. You're asserting will power and control in your life.

You may not always have options available to you. The number of resources you have may be slimmer to that of someone else. Heck, there may be the occasional day when you physically cannot do something. It's perfectly okay. Focus on what you are able to do and stop dwelling on what you can't do.

B-I-N-G-O, Bingo!

Have you played Bingo with 35-40 people over the age of 80? If so, do you remember the experience? If you haven't, then the following statements might help you to understand. "I 25." "What did he say?" "I 25!" "G 60." "I can't hear him." "I wish they'd stop complaining and whining." "Gertrude, look at the letter, then the number." "How did she get Bingo already?! Did he even shuffle the cards?!" "You can't play that Bingo board unless you pay for it." "I never win at this game." "Why does he keep calling all the numbers in the N column?!" "B 10." "I needed B 10, 10 games ago."

Ahh! What a headache. Try sitting through that noisome chatter for 20 minutes; it's exhausting and mentally draining. If you haven't figure it out by now, I played Bingo with this group of people. When I sat in the Bingo room, all I could think about is how almost everyone in the room was depressing and bitter. Specifically, I couldn't figure out why people got mad over something they couldn't control. How was it that a person could complain about a number from 10 games ago?! That game will never come back. What's the point in fussing about it? What's the point in planning for B 10 to be called again?

If you really think about it, life is a lot like a game of Bingo. It's impossible to go back 10 Bingo games to change the outcome. Do people worry about 10 games ago tomorrow? Most likely, the answer is no. In life, we can't change what's happened in the past. Sure, there are experiences we would like to hold onto forever and some we can't overcome. Regardless, what's done is done. The future holds more opportunities.

In Bingo, it's difficult to plan strategic moves. During the game, the only thing that can be controlled is what you mark on your board. We can't control the way the cards are shuffled, the other players, the other Bingo cards, etc. In life, we cannot control what other people do and say, the elements in mother nature, and so forth. However, you can look at your own life; focus on what you can control, today. A degree of planning is necessary for the future, but, sometimes, the best moments are the ones that happen now.

The next time you find yourself worrying excessively about the past, or the future, think of now. Will the decisions I make now make me a better person tomorrow? Have I done enough today to make my family proud? Did I accomplish everything on my to-do list today? If you start thinking about your life as if it were a game of Bingo, then you may be the next lucky person to yell BINGO!

Have a 5 Star Day!

When you look for a new restaurant to try, hotel to stay in, or look at company ratings, which areas would you explore? One place I will look at is the rating of the establishment. The establishment will be rated out of five stars, five being the best rating. When a business, product, or other reviewed product or service receives a high star markup, taking a chance on it is favorable. If you see a low star rating, would you run for the hills? 

What about you? What is your star rating? If it's anything below a five (5), would you run from you? The last time I checked, it's impossible to run away from yourself. Since it's impossible, instead of focusing on why you are not a 5 star rating, let's refocus your thoughts.

To demonstrate how to evaluate your 5 star day, I would like for you to examine the following areas in your life (one star per dimension): physical, emotional, spiritual, intellectual, and social. If you didn't catch on to what I just listed, these are 5 main dimensions of wellness. Each dimension focuses on a different aspect of your life, hence the 5 star day.

Dig deep and be honest with yourself. Out of 5 stars, how would you truly rate yourself? If your total is less than a 5, then look at your life and determine what you need to change in order to get there. It may happen overnight; it may take a while. It's never too late to begin.

After you've determined where you stand, regardless of current star rating, here is what I would like for you to do. Each night, before you go to bed, write one positive thing about your day for each dimension of wellness (in bold above). For example, did you attend the dreaded networking event? Were you pleasantly surprised with a grade you received on an assignment? Have you achieved your fitness goal for the day? 

If you do this every day, you will begin to see a change in your mindset. I challenge you to do this activity for one calendar year. If you are a 5 star rating now, will you maintain that a year from now? If you need to set goals and achieve them, will you become a 5 star rating? When you think of yourself as a 5 star rating, you will have a 5 star day!

Dare to be Different

When I was put onto Earth, I was born with a genetic makeup. My genetic makeup determined the color of my eyes, weight, possible illnesses and diseases that could be passed down to me, and so forth. Some days, I think I am blessed  because I do not have major health related issues to deal with on a daily basis. Other days, I wonder how I ended up the way I am.

Growing up, I used my genetic makeup as a crutch; I didn't fit in a particular social clique. My attempt to try and solve this issue was to become actively involved in extra curricular activities. In high school and college, I was involved in service-learning and volunteering groups, wellness groups, groups for "smart" people, and communications related activities. I competed in a pageant 4 times; I didn't make it past round one. I also rushed for sorority; I was the only person in my bid class who didn't receive a bid.

For the longest time, I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I blamed my genetic makeup for having the inability to fit in. Did I inherit my mom's trait of being too helpful? Was it my grandmas's overly critical mind? How about my dad's ability to shut someone out of his life when he's had enough? I spent so many years blaming my family dynamic. I could not figure out why I never fit in anywhere.

One day, 2 of my aunts and I were discussing our family dynamic. During the conversation, one aunt mentioned how, in my family, people follow the beat of his or her own drummer. After hearing that statement, it became clear. My genetic makeup had nothing to do with not fitting in. I grew up in a family where being different was normal. The focus was not on surrounding myself with large numbers of people; it was about surrounding myself with quality people who like me for me.

After that day, I take pride in being different. I am not ashamed to be a kid at heart; it maintains my youth and energy. I am not labeled into a category; it allows me to define myself and to step out of my comfort zone when other people will not. Being myself has opened my soul and I am no longer held down by my internal ball and chain. To this day, I wonder if being different is genetic to some degree. All I know is that at the end of each day, I can honestly say that I remain true to who I am.